Hi AD,

I'm restating what a few have already said, "You are not alone". Not that long ago I was at a presentation when somebody made the point that we all think that we are the only one that this has happened to. That we are the only one that has gone through that whole drama of, "Who am I and am I going mad?" The fact that you are questioning your assumptions about who you are makes me think that you have already started on a journey to try and find yourself.

You will find that most people, if not all, on this site are making that Journey. I think in many ways it is a Journey of discovery and I still do not know where my destination is, it keeps changing as I go along.

Good luck on your Journey wherever it may lead you.

Jen

Quote from: AgendaDysphoria on June 15, 2013, 04:48:20 AM.  . . but I want to get some opinions about it.

lol The fact that you need many opinions just to make such a decision . . .

Highly Indicates Indeed You Are a Woman !!!!
( how's THAT for an otherwise stereotypical male observation ? )

Very subtle Kiera, very subtle.

Jen

Kiera, You made my day

I had such a hard time with this question myself, because I lived happily as a man for years and years. (Looking back, there were inklings, sure. But I'll never know how much of that is just that hindsight is 20/20, you know?) Then I literally sat bolt upright one day when I was 32 and had a revelation as everything coalesced - I was a woman and wanted to transition.

What worked for me, and I don't know if it will help you, was to stop asking "Am I a [true] transsexual?", because there are about a million ways to define the answer to that question. And by most of those ways, I was told I was NOT. Instead, I kept asking "is this next step of transition [therapy, hormones, laser, etc.] something I think will make me happy?" As long as I felt it would, I'd take that step, and then see how I felt. I also decided it was OK to stop any time I decided I'd had enough, or not to take a particular step if it didn't feel right to me. In the end, I fully transitioned within 11 months and had GRS last year, so I guess now I can safely say I'm a real transsexual. But the thing is, you don't have to answer that huge question all at once either. Ask yourself what you think you'd most like to try, to see if it makes you happy... and experiment.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on June 15, 2013, 03:10:34 PM
My advice, OP, is that gender dysphoria doesn't have to be this life-debilitating thing in order to validate or invalidate your transsexual desires. Because that isn't always the case. Just because you are able to be relatively happy as a guy doesn't mean much. I'm assuming that it's probably a similar mindset to what I had for years: the mindset of "well, I was born this way, so I might as well make the most of it." I lived in that mindset for many, many years before finally deciding to transition, and I was relatively happy for the most part.

For me, though, although my life was pretty much fine, and I had plenty of hobbies and interests and drives in life that made me pretty happy, and my dysphoria really wasn't this crippling debilitating thing that it is for so many people, what finally pushed me over the edge was when I realized that I really was not happy with myself on a deep level. And it was that way every single time I looked in the mirror. I hated being big, I hated having a blocky masculine shape, I hated having tough skin and body hair and the male anatomy, I never really smiled in pictures because I really hated the way that I looked, and every time I saw a woman I realized I was jealous, and felt like I really should have her physical features instead of my own. And I realized that the only thing that was holding me back was my fears about societal rejection... fears about what others would think if I ended up getting those features.

A few years ago, I honestly could have written exactly the same things that you did. Not a lot of stereotypically feminine interests? Check. Only feeling sexual arousal through imagining that I'm the woman? Check. (I watched a lot of female-pov sex videos back in the day...) Taking physical steps to make myself more feminine, but just feminine enough that people won't notice them and still treat me like a heteronormative guy? Check. These feminine things not cutting it? Realizing that you really don't want to be an effeminate guy, you want to be a woman doing those things? Check.

I'm not saying that transition is necessarily right for you, because only you can know how deeply those feelings go, and just how much you feel like you should have a female body instead of a male body, but there are a LOT of things in your post that ring very true to me, and which I myself very well could have written not too long ago.

Carry Liz, this is a really good post. I'm quite a bit like that and I can definitely relate. OP, just about everyone is right when they (yourself included) say that only you can determine if you are transsexual. I hate to sound like a broken record but let me finish . This post explains why that is true, because understanding is going to be a great tool on our journeys.  It's summed up in that even if you are not miserable as you are, you might be making the best of it which is what some of us do. I tried for a long time and it became so unbearable that I had to get help and I ended up talking to a therapist, some great folks down at the LGBT center, and signing up here recently for support. I mean obviously it bothered you enough to make you sign up here and share your story and feelings so based on what you have said, you could be a transsexual. The best way to figure this out for yourself (from where you currently stand) is to talk to a professional or a specialist to help you answer the question for yourself

I'll probably be seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist some time soon, I just hope they don't dismiss it as a phase or something else.

Quote from: AgendaDysphoria on June 19, 2013, 07:01:43 PM
I'll probably be seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist some time soon, I just hope they don't dismiss it as a phase or something else.

I have the exact same hope. I've been seeing a therapist and am about to see a specialist in the coming week. For me, coming out and identifying as a transsexual brought me a great deal of "inner peace" if you will, concerning my own gender identity. If my therapist or specialist told me it was a phase, I would feel sad because their opinions carry a good amount of weight as professionals and even though my feelings are strong, it would weigh a bit on me. Either that or I would simply ask them as to when it will end and consider a new therapist.

Quote from: Agenda Dysphoria on June 15, 2013, 04:48:20 AM
I've been really confused about whether or not I'm transsexual, I understand that only I will be able to answer this question, but I want to get some opinions about it.

So, as far as I can remember, I've felt a desire to be a woman, I haven't done anything really feminine, partly because I'm very afraid of being considered weird, it just doesn't feel right to be doing stereotypically feminine things (eg makeup and shopping) since I'm a guy, but if I were to become a girl or get diagnosed with transsexualism and begin transitioning, I think I would be pretty interested in these things. Another thing is that I'm not really interested in some things a lot of guys are interested in (eg bodybuilding).

I really want to be in a female body, I really wish I was born a girl, if I were to one day wake up as a woman I would be really happy! I would be willing to transition to become a woman, the only thing I would be afraid of and that would possibly cause regret is the reaction from society. I'm very afraid that if I transition, I'll be rejected socially, being thought of as weird, and it would probably also make work more difficult. Also, if someone was to offer to make me very masculine and remove my desire to become a woman, I really wouldn't want that at all!

I don't find being the guy in sex to be appealing at all, I'm only aroused if I'm the woman in my fantasies.

I haven't done much to make myself more feminine, my hair is relatively long, but not so long that people criticise me about it. I always shave body and facial hair and avoid smelling masculine but apart from these things I haven't really done much. I don't want my feelings to be publicly known if I'm not even sure of them myself. I really hate seeing masculine features on myself, I generally make myself look masculine enough to not cause confusion but if something is not really necessary at all to be identified as a male and would make me look more feminine without it (eg body hair), I avoid it. I also don't want to be a feminine guy, I want to be an actual woman, being a feminine guy just doesn't cut it, it actually doesn't really sound appealing to me.

I think I've read somewhere that to be considered transsexual, your gender has to cause lots of trouble for you. Well, I'm still really positive and happy most of the time, and my feelings haven't caused me much trouble at all. I'm also able to mostly comfortably live as a guy, but when guys I know start talking about generally manly things, I feel distant and uninterested.

So that's what I have to say, please tell me your opinions everyone, I'm very confused about this!

I guess this confusion is something we all experience to some degree at some point. Your experience is similar to mine. My friends would probably never imagine what I am going through unless I decide to tell them. In the mirror I see a man, an unhappy one. Every time I let my hair grow some it is as if I could get a glimpse of what is beyond, what I should be. Sometimes, when I am in the shower, I just close my eyes an imagine that my body in harmony with how I feel...and it is so natural then. Sex for me is essentially tasteless. I love my wife, but I realize that I lover as a person but that physically I have more and more difficulty playing my role. It only works when I simply close my eyes and imagine that I am the woman, and then I just want to be touched and caressed, that is when what I have between my legs feels heavy and out of place. And although I have not been "officially diagnosed" I know that I am different, and that I have a feminine side, and now I realize that that part of me is larger than the male side, much larger and emotionally deeper. I just need to find the way to let this flower blossom. My every day life is ok..I have a job and as long as I am busy I usually do fine. Most people say that I am a happy person but I am not..it is like depression, so easy but at the same time so hard to recognize until it is so bad that every thing falls apart. As somebody said in this threat, it is more a matter of how you feel about yourself, where you should be and what you should be. When you are sincere with yourself about this, then you recognize that no matter how well you may seem to deal with it at this time, it is always there. And every time I asked my self what would make me happy (and I mean happy),the answer is simple.

There's a lot of different feelings on transitioning, I can't stand being male and haven't been able to stand it since I was about 11. I'm ashamed that I chose conformity over coming out that young, though it might not have done much good, but since I turned 17 I haven't been able to look at other girls of all shapes and sizes without thinking "why can't that be me?"
In the end, it could just be a phase, sometimes it is. I feel, though, a true person who is born the wrong gender will most certainly know they are, I feel the fact that you're hunting down transgender forums and asking for an opinion is clear enough evidence that you have at least some sort of gender identity issue.
Therapist!

Dress as a woman; completely as possible, shave your legs, pierce your ears, wear a wig, a dress, ..........
Then have a close friend see & talk with you.

Then you will know inside if you feel right/comfortable or not.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on June 15, 2013, 03:10:34 PM

A few years ago, I honestly could have written exactly the same things that you did. Not a lot of stereotypically feminine interests? Check. Only feeling sexual arousal through imagining that I'm the woman? Check. (I watched a lot of female-pov sex videos back in the day...) Taking physical steps to make myself more feminine, but just feminine enough that people won't notice them and still treat me like a heteronormative guy? Check. These feminine things not cutting it? Realizing that you really don't want to be an effeminate guy, you want to be a woman doing those things? Check.

I'm not saying that transition is necessarily right for you, because only you can know how deeply those feelings go, and just how much you feel like you should have a female body instead of a male body, but there are a LOT of things in your post that ring very true to me, and which I myself very well could have written not too long ago.

Yes, that was exactly my reaction to the OP, too: check ... check ... check!

I know I'm transsexual. And I'm pretty sure that guys who aren't transsexual don't ever think of those things.

That doesn't mean that you are transsexual, AgendaDysphoria ... But it's certainly reasonable to think you might be. Now my advice would be to go and see someone who specialises in gender disorder issues (NOT a standard shrink - most of 'em don't have a clue). Talk it through. Figure out how you feel. Then take it from there ...