Quote from: Jayne on July 03, 2013, 06:36:07 AM
<snip>...has the shortened version of Nicky, my mum always called me by this shortened version & I hated it, every time I heard it being used I cringed inside as every time I heard it I felt like someone was poking an open wound....<snip>

I'd be curious to hear more -- and hope there's been something great, ultimately, that came of a childhood wound....

Myself: I know the feeling of having an open wound poked at.  For me--that was shame about sports.  A freeze reaction to a football.  Shame about speedo bathers (I got over this one as an adult with athletic/fitness/health and turned body shame to body pride by working on myself).  I've thought, often, about teaching myself to love sports.  I think that would really seal over the last of childhood hauntings....


cheers
stav

Quote from: stavraki on July 03, 2013, 06:43:52 AM
I'd be curious to hear more -- and hope there's been something great, ultimately, that came of a childhood wound....

I knew at around 8yrs old that I wanted to be one of the girls, every time I was called Nicky it reminded me of what I wasn't. At that time I didn't know that such a thing as trans existed & thought I must be gay, my father was very homophobic so I copied my older brothers to act male but would sneak off to my neighbours house to play with her dolls.
At senior school I went through a phase where I would get into fights with anyone who used the female variant of my name, possibly this was a release from the tension by the fact that I couldn't lash out at my parents even though I wanted to.

I'd love to be able to find a positive spin on the hurt that came from having this open emotional wound poked on a daily basis but I can't for the life of me see anything good about the experience.

Quote from: Jayne on July 03, 2013, 07:03:42 AM
I knew at around 8yrs old that I wanted to be one of the girls, every time I was called Nicky it reminded me of what I wasn't. At that time I didn't know that such a thing as trans existed & thought I must be gay, my father was very homophobic so I copied my older brothers to act male but would sneak off to my neighbours house to play with her dolls.
At senior school I went through a phase where I would get into fights with anyone who used the female variant of my name, possibly this was a release from the tension by the fact that I couldn't lash out at my parents even though I wanted to.

I'd love to be able to find a positive spin on the hurt that came from having this open emotional wound poked on a daily basis but I can't for the life of me see anything good about the experience.

I hear ya -

I'm reminded of my father - whose disgust at his son would 'vomit' up in bile and rage for the son he didn't get from me.  I used to evoke his disgust.  I look back and realise that he may well have been gay himself, or that someone beat him, back in time, when he needed, instead, to be held and loved.  Too late, he was warped by abuse--and he brought it to his family.

He got, instead, a son, who got stuck into books, science, language--and who defied the shame by loving big and loving good.  Though--I'm still mopping up the mess left behind too.  From the battles with my family as a vigorous, bucking youth (some core of me knew remained unbroken), there did come, eventually, a new dawn on us all.  Battle weary.  Hurt, and after nearly all losing each other, the love of my mum's great heart prevailed.  She's 73 and her discoveries are only five years old.

kind regards to u
stav

Quote from: Jayne on July 03, 2013, 06:36:07 AM
I had a birth name with a feminine variant & didn't consider myself lucky to have it. I was christened Nicholas which has the shortened version of Nicky, my mum always called me by this shortened version & I hated it, every time I heard it being used I cringed inside as every time I heard it I felt like someone was poking an open wound.
By early teens i'd gotten my mum to drop this variant but then when my parents divorced she met a man with the same name as me so to avoid confusion she resorted to calling me Nicky again.
Almost a year after changing my name by deed poll i'm still struggling to get my mum to use my new name & not THAT name as I truly hate it.

My name has a female abbreviated form as well and I was often teased with it for being a little feminine when I was younger and even though I know realize it is just who I am the damage was done. I like the name, but I could never call myself that. It would hurt too much and bring back old wounds. I understand that emotion very well.

My old name just didn't really fit me. So I changed it to something that reflected my culture!

Oh . . Lucky? I would say for some it's lucky, to have a variant of your name that works. For me, not quite so lucky! Because while it exists, the feminine variant of my name is barely distinguishable by pronunciation, OR spelling, and most would just think I am saying the masculine name. Also, I've hated- truly despised my first name for so long, I want nothing even similar to it!

My middle name is another story! It's masculine (as is my last name, go figure~), and it has a variant that is just fine, it's just too bad my middle name was the source of quite a bit of early childhood teasing, so now I don't want THAT either. My last name is of course out, as it's my last name, and very masculine.

So far, my parents have not mentioned the female variations of my name as options, in fact names have barely been anything that's been uttered. The only response I've gotten is, "that's a weird name" from one of my parents. I really hope they don't bring up the female variants, because middle name is cursed for me now, and my first name, female variant or not, sounds masculine and reminds me far too much of the hatred I've held towards my birth name.


Though, I am curious~  Say, I wanted to change my last name in the end, to my grandmother's maiden name, would that actually be bad? Saw some mention of such being mentioned earlier in this thread. I guess it would depend on how my parents are, but I am more wondering from a general point of view, or just from the folks around here. I don't want to hurt my family by changing it, but I also kind of don't want to keep it at the same time, first of all it's masculine, my mother has a new surname of which I do not share, but I would technically still be taking a family surname, that rings well in the ear too. Don't mean to stray too far off-topic, if this seems so, I just read the earlier bits and figured since we're on the topic of names, why not? 

Last names may sound masculine, but remember that they apply to men and women in equal numbers, so you shouldn't worry about it.

So, uhm, if you want to change it... well, you can, but keep in mind that someone changing their family name usually does so because they have a serious reason. For example, they're in very, very bad terms with their family. It sends a strong message. If you change your last name, be prepared to have your family react badly, and have people think you've forsaken your family forever.

Hmm, My birth name is "Edward". Everyone calls me "Eddie". I think the female version(s) are "Ede", :Eddy", "Edy", & "Edie". Am I wrong? Am I missing some?

Edweena!

Quote from: Jamie D on July 10, 2013, 11:05:54 PM
Edweena!

Really?
Sounds like something that kids would call me at school. Not that it bothers me, its just the way they can turn simple words into insults.
Never heard of it.
Interesting...
Very interesting...

I agree with many of the other people in this thread. My birth name is Christopher. I go by Chris. Could I change it to a female variant of Chris... sure, but ultimately I think I need to finish killing the familiarity of my past. Sometimes you just have to burn the house down to rebuild something better. So I have chosen Amber Skye __(lastname)___

I like the nature aspect of it, and I found it while I was rummaging through some stuff and found my baby book. Plus I don't know any Ambers so it's perfect!

Quote from: AmberSkyeArisen on July 11, 2013, 05:06:50 AM
I agree with many of the other people in this thread. My birth name is Christopher. I go by Chris. Could I change it to a female variant of Chris... sure, but ultimately I think I need to finish killing the familiarity of my past. Sometimes you just have to burn the house down to rebuild something better. So I have chosen Amber Skye __(lastname)___

I like the nature aspect of it, and I found it while I was rummaging through some stuff and found my baby book. Plus I don't know any Ambers so it's perfect!

Hmm, I like it. Amber is a really nice color, too

Yeah, no.  Though the plus side is I got to choose a completely new name that really means something to me personally.  Given how much I've started hating hearing my birth name over the last few years, that's something I probably would have done anyway.

I honestly didn't expect to settle on a name as quickly as I did.  I'd heard the name 'Kai' a few months before admitting to myself that I was trans, and thought at the time that I'd love to have that name if I was a guy.  Then I found it out it's a German name as well as Japanese, and that kinda sealed the deal.  I mean, how often can that occur with those two languages?  Pretty different phonetic systems. (and there I go, being a linguist again >_>)

I still don't know what to do with my middle name.  It's also definitively female.  I kind of want to keep my initials, but I don't like many male names that start with that letter, so I may not.  I've got time, I guess.  It's not like I tell many people my middle name anyway.

I could easily have changed my birth name to a well-accepted female variant simply by adding an A to the end of it, but I chose not to. I never liked the name, but even if I had liked it, I wouldn't have chosen to stick with it. I decided it would be best to have a complete change of name to something unmistakably feminine, something which could never be confused for a masculine name.

In my opinion, when trying to communicate with a person over the phone, that person may have already decided you might be a guy by the sound of your voice, and if you say your name is Lesley (Leslie) or Frances (Francis) for example, that person is forced to rely on their ears. In the early days of transition it is very important to be percieved as belonging to ones preferred correct gender.

My advice will always be to chose a feminine name that cannot be misheard as possibly being a masculine name.



I am fortunate, my voice passes very easily on the telephone as feminine. In fact, by sheer coincidence, a few moments ago our phone rang and I answered it. There was a woman on the other end who asked if I was Yvonne. Just in case I had heard it incorrectly I asked her to repeat the name but she hung up.

I have a funny story about my name.

I am a first-generation Chinese American immigrant, so that means that my name is pretty much unlike any typical "American" name, with one HUGE CAVEAT: When correctly pronounced, it sounds the same as a certain Western female name. I had immigrated before I was in preschool, and when I was about to start kindergarten, someone told me that my name sounded like a girl's name. Wanting to avoid being teased as a boy who had a girl's name, I "corrected" everyone from that point forward so that people would pronounce it a different way, an incorrect but less girly-sounding way.

You can see the irony when I had the epiphany about being trans a couple of years ago. So now, I no longer "correct" people, though I still introduce myself with the pronunciation that I've been using for the past two decades, simply because I feel too accustomed to it to change. I don't tell people who already know me to pronounce my name any differently, either.

I wasn't, really but it's alright for me because I don't want my name to sound anything like my birth name. My birth name being Hannah, I suppose the closest masculine name would be Harry, but I don't think that name suits me. Since I was very young I have preferred the name Mordicai. The only problem with that name now is that now every time someone hears that name they say "Like Mordecai and Rigby?!" And I just sigh and say "No, first of all, it's spelled differently. Second, that cartoon has not existed long enough for me to be named after it."

Quote from: The_Suit on July 17, 2013, 12:21:14 PM
I wasn't, really but it's alright for me because I don't want my name to sound anything like my birth name. My birth name being Hannah, I suppose the closest masculine name would be Harry, but I don't think that name suits me. Since I was very young I have preferred the name Mordicai. The only problem with that name now is that now every time someone hears that name they say "Like Mordecai and Rigby?!" And I just sigh and say "No, first of all, it's spelled differently. Second, that cartoon has not existed long enough for me to be named after it."

If it helps any, I didn't think of Regular Show, when you said "Mordicai"! I think it's a cool name. I think what's important, is how the name sounds to your ears, if you can envision it as being 'you', then it should be a good choice! Just because people are silly, doesn't mean a lot. Eventually, Regular Show will be a thing of the past.

Yeah but I'm not gonna use it, lol

My son's name is Christopher, but he is known as Chris. When I transitioned I remember thinking how easier it would have been for me (and my friends) if my name had been Christopher and and I had been known known as Chris so I could have changed my name to Christine. However, I realised that it would have been a real problem for me because after transition people would have continued to call me Chris and I would not have had the confirmation that they had accepted my transition. Also they might have continued to think of me as the old Chris - the masculine version.

As it was, when I transitioned there were supportive people who tried to remember to always call me Caroline. They slipped up occasionally and apologised for using my old name, but eventually they got it right without having to think about it.

Then there were those who clearly didn't agree with what I had done and were determined to hurt me by not using my new name. Thankfully most of those didn't call me by any name.

But what a joy it was for me as one by one even those people also started calling me Caroline. I felt that was a real achievement, and one I would not have experienced had my name been gender neutral.

Once I moved to another job and no-one knew my past, I was finally able to leave my past behind.

Caroline x

I did not. My birth name is kinda unisex, but it's extremely rare for a girl to have it. There's a famous actress with my birth name, but even then most people would think she has a guy's name. I changed my name entirely to Catherine, after my grandmother.

I wouldn't like to have a name that's easily transmuted from male to female and vice versa. Makes it too easy for people to figure out what your original name was.