Just wondering how many members suffer with this and whether it may be more common in people on the trans spectrum (not that the poll would show this).

Maybe I'm just hoping to feel less alone. I've got to get over this, and all attempts at forcing myself to by thrusting myself into highly stressful situations (for me, such as door to door salesmanship) have been unsuccessful. It's a factor in my drinking and drug use. And really hindering virtually every aspect of my life from financial to social. I seem fine and even likable and gregarious to people when really I'm just looking around for an exit. I actually come off pretty well in interviews and first meetings but never know how to relate to the person after that. I make good first impressions and never know what to do afterward.

It's gotten to the point where I've got to be drunk to go to the doctor or hairdresser. I've cut down a lot on my drinking, but one visit to the doctor...
And I'm drinking today because of the holiday weekend I find myself thrust into social situations. When I've been really good at not drinking for a month.

And people end up liking me and thinking that I'm actually the opposite to what I am - someone talkative and funny - and uh no. Actually that's me trying to ease my tension. What I'm really doing is searching for the exit...

Basically, I do fine in social settings when I'm actually there - drunk, high, or not. But actually getting in the car, going up to the door - it's torture. And it doesn't happen unless I'm forced to do it. Which means anything that would further me career-wise or socially doesn't happen unless I have no choice.

And no, therapy hasn't helped and I'm done going down the road. I have a few theories on why I have social anxiety - the way girls treated me, the trans issues, stealth issues - but most bizarrely, the first time I noticed social anxiety was after a friend's death. And then later, it got worse after my partner's death. And I really haven't gotten over this last one. I think trans issues, passing worries (which are behind me now but it was very uncomfortable for me going through that androgynous in-between stage) and stealth issues have compounded it. But the death of someone I'm close to seems to trigger it. I really don't know what that has to do with social anxiety other than the fact I suddenly didn't want to go out at all or be seen following the deaths.

Anyway, thanks for listening even though I'll probably be mortified I even posted this...

Big hug! I don't see anything out of the ordinary there, chief.  You're dealing with the same issues a lot of people face, and in a similar fashion. There, now we can move forward, right? Hugs, Devlyn

I get very uptight and can't function socialy as a boy
I can the bare minimum such as work...talking to
A clerk...but a social group

Make me a girl and bam!!! Social butterfly

Oh, don't feel bad man. 

Quote from: Fitter Admin on July 06, 2013, 01:59:09 PM
I seem fine and even likable and gregarious to people when really I'm just looking around for an exit. I actually come off pretty well in interviews and first meetings but never know how to relate to the person after that. I make good first impressions and never know what to do afterward.

I can relate to what you said quoted above, like at work I don't really know what to say when I client comes in and jokes with me sometimes, and it's taken me about a year just to feel comfortable with myself at work. Though, I don't think I have social anxiety, I just think I am a little weird sometimes. I am one of those people who would rather be quite and listen to those around me, figure out how they behave, and then do I start coming out a bit more. It just takes me awhile to get used to people sometimes -- well with people that matter (like my bosses, or co-workers). I am perfectly comfortable at stores or on the train.

I have social dysphoria which gives me a large amount of anxiety when leaving a place that I consider as safe. I can't bring myself to go to a pool, I get very anxious at the mall, and in some cases I can't bring myself to go somewhere due to an irrational unnameable fear.

Sort of. I don't have a diagnosis of social anxiety, nor do I think I should. I do, however, know how it feels to get anxious in/about social situations. I'm on the autism spectrum, and I often have a very hard time processing what's going on in social situations, which can make being social pretty exhausting and overwhelming. As a result, I tend to get pretty anxious about social situations that are long, crowded, or high-pressure (basically anything that ups the amount of processing ability I'll need to survive it).

I can usually prevent a lot of my anxiety about social situations by balancing out social-time with alone-time. If I've had time to relax my brain and recharge my energy with an evening of reading or a solitary hike in the woods, I get a lot less anxious and overwhelmed around people. My anxiety is obviously coming from a different place than a lot of other people with social anxiety, though, so it would stand to reason that my strategy isn't going to work for everyone.

I have been diagnosed with it.I have my nephew's wedding to go to and am dreading itThe thought of going to a bar or club is so stressful I won't even consider going there. I don't like going to different places and stick to the same area,I've been out of Blackpool twice this year.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/disorder/

Idk if I would be diagnosed with it or if I have anything like the clinical def of it, but I do get pretty anxious in some social settings.  I have a couple of the "thought" symptoms and a few of the "behavior symtoms" but really none of the others.  I can't imagine how hard it would be to have some of those symptoms and I feel for anybody that does.

I think pretty much all of my axieties come from being trans.  I spent over 30 years uncomfortable in the gender role I was supposed to fit into, and horribly uncomfortable with my body and it wreaked havoc on my self-confidence.  Now I'm closer to being in the natural role for myself, but I have carried that lack of confidence with me to this side.  The way I used to cope was to fade into the wallpaper and not be seen.  I used to dream about being inside of a box where I could be in the room with people but they couldn't see me.  That would have been perfect.  I think a lot of that was hating being treated like a boy by people.  MMmmm probably all of it actually.

Now, in transition, I'm 6'2", blonde and when I walk in the room heads always seem to turn.  It's impossible for me to be a wallflower as a woman, and with my low self image, half the time I assume people look because they can tell I'm trans and that makes me feel so nervous.  I kind of just feel like a monster half the time and it makes me just want to stay inside where nobody can see me, even though I actually am really social and love being with people and talking with them more than anything else.  Staying inside is the most unhealthy thing in the world for me because I am not a natural recluse or hermit.  I feel like I'm tearing myself in half, one side feeling like frankenstein and not wanting to be seen, the other going crazy wanting to be with people and to talk and laugh and gossip,etc.  You know, like do FUN things?

Quote from: Fitter Admin on July 06, 2013, 01:59:09 PM
... really hindering virtually every aspect of my life from financial to social. I seem fine and even likable and gregarious to people when really I'm just looking around for an exit. I actually come off pretty well in interviews and first meetings but never know how to relate to the person after that. I make good first impressions and never know what to do afterward. 

Quote from: Fitter Admin on July 06, 2013, 01:59:09 PM
I have a few theories on why I have social anxiety - the way girls treated me, the trans issues, stealth issues - but most bizarrely, the first time I noticed social anxiety was after a friend's death. And then later, it got worse after my partner's death. And I really haven't gotten over this last one.

You aren't alone in this.  I've had social anxiety all of my life and it has been severely limiting for me.
I think it stems from growing up trans in an age where I had every reason to be socially anxious and careful around people.  It seems like the younger you are, the harder this is to shake when you get older.

The only thing I've found that helped was taking acting classes.  I'm still as uncomfortable as all hell in front of people, but at least I can manage.

Basically... I don't trust people to be nice to me or to accept me and I've never had an intimate friend, even amongst my former spouses and lovers. I've learned not to share my thoughts and emotions with people and I have a very difficult time making attachments.   I think that's why, in those rare cases where I do find someone I can open up to, it's so devastating when they leave.   Most people are more open with their hair stylist than I am with my 'friends'.  Losing someone I can talk to honestly is a major blow for me.

Anyway... that's probably more than I'm comfortable sharing.  I just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling alone.

I can function as a guy, but I do try and watch what I saw so that my girl side does not poke through too much. My friends think I am weird, so I can get away with a good bit of stuff out of the norm. That is the only real time I am comfortable.

Growing up, I was a shy kid. My mother believed that if I just faced my fears I would work through them.

I have my own theory.

I think my social anxiety came from being socially awkward. It was a perfectly rational response to the fact that I was bad at predicting the effects my actions and words would have on people so I was frequently embarrassed by saying the wrong thing or being called out for acting inappropriately.

I also think I never learned to forgive myself for doing embarrassing things. It was a personal shortcoming (I mean, it really sort of is), a reminder that I was a flawed human being.

Now that I'm more comfortable with myself, my social anxiety is not gone. Nor am I better at regaling and repartee. What is gone is the self-recriminations and embarrassment. If I say the wrong thing, I can tell myself I'm not required to be perfect. If people do not  return my overtures, I don't take it personally. This makes it a bit easier to insert myself into social situations with people I don't know.

I still suffer from having to filter my words carefully because I need to consider how what I say will be taken. This means I can't just let my speech flow openly and limits my social experiences to people who are patient enough to get to know me.

It's been a frustration. I think I would be a happier person if I found social interactions more natural.

I have heavy issues with it. I only had one friend in my whole life so far, because i don't know how to talk to people. I can only get over it on the internet and when talking to just the right persons personality-wise. I'm kind of glad i don't have to attend the award ceremony for something i've won, even if the reason for that is not a nice one (suicide attempt last week).

A van crashed into me while I was riding a moped because I was convinced that people would be getting angry at me at the junction if I waited for it to pass when I wasn't sure if it was too close.  And I won't pay with coins at tills because it takes too long, and I'm paying too much on my phonebill because I can't face calling them up to cancel part of it.

I get on okay at work though, despite saying the exact same thing to every table unless I know them well-ish.

So I don't think I'm entirely "right", but I'd not go so far as to say I had social anxiety, or at least, not severely.

I use to and it was bad. But After treatment it went away sort of speak

Definitely. But how much depends on certain factors. The worst is being in a large room full of unfriendly-seeming people and not having a clear idea what I should do. Lately I just leave when that happens rather than dealing with the anxiety and social awkwardness- I.E. me being bad at striking up conversations with random people all that.

Yes, I have it. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder by a therapist when I was just going to them to get my letter for T, lol. Remember when I was telling you I'd like to meet up but can't just sit and talk to someone? I have to be doing some sort of activity to feel comfortable socializing? That's exactly why.

The strange thing about me is I know I'm easy to get along with. Everyone always says I'm laid back and for the most part I am. I have a hard time talking with people face to face...unless I'm drinking or stoned (which is rare). The other way I've found to deal with it is be actively doing something that diverts my attention away from having a new person around me. Once I get comfortable with someone I'm a lot better about things but that takes awhile.

I've always been a quiet person. I kinda live in my head for the most part. It's hard getting to know people when you're an introvert. I don't take any sort of psychiatric medication now though and feel a lot better since I've been on T. Just working on it. This and forgiving people. Once someone crosses me deliberately they're dead to me. I'm really working on forgiveness.

"Social anxiety" is what started me looking into my mental health. I've always had a hard time making and keeping friends; first I'm too damn scared to go up to somebody and say "Hi!", unless there's an associate who is talking to them just prior...then I have an "excuse" to go up to them.

Then after the first "Hi!"...then what? Do I say my interests, or get them to talk about theirs? What if they don't want to talk about their interests, and/or turn me down flat? What interests do I have? Or did I have? Why am I looking at my feet, or the walls, or my drink...

Then they get bored. I have *never*, in my life, ever had anyone say, "Golly! You're very interesting! I want your phone number!" Or, "Wow! You're HOT! I would like to F**K you tonight!" or anything in-between. Almost always they just say, "Well, it's been interesting, but I have to go now." (Which I read as, "you're frikkin' an odd one, you are!")

WTF, over? I don't drink (much--two drinks and I'm done), I don't curse, I respect the other person, I work hard with a good income, have a working car...

I've tried changing things, tried reading people, etc. It doesn't matter. I have no idea what is wrong. Being TS solved the "I feel terrible about being a guy" when I'm at home, or doing errands...but making friends? Didn't touch it.

I'm getting to the point where I hate living. Especially since my kids and ex are so damn adamant that I ruined their lives, and in fact want me out of theirs. I have no other human contacts.

I love my work. It gives me some hope that I'll be able to get the surgeries I need...and if I play my budget right, I can afford therapy before SRS as well.

But in the meantime...I have to take life one day at a time, one hour at a time. One moment at a time, sometimes.

All I want is to hold a hand. To share some little moment of my life with another person's life-moment, to give me a sense that I'm worth it.

Ehh...this is probably beyond the topic. Hope all of you are doing well. I'll be fine, "this too shall pass."

I haven't really been diagnosed with social anxiety nor do I think I actually have it in some "true" form but I'm certainly pretty awkward in situations which require social interraction, IRL or in the internet.

I was evaluated by a psychologist as a part of the examination process of my transition and he wrote down something about my social habits.
Experiencing shyness and nervousness and being easily withdrawn to "protect" myself in social situations are typical for me, as well as partially deficient social skills due to immaturity.
None of those are really helpful in social situations... No wonder I'm awkward to the point I acknowledge it myself and become anxious about it because I think I come off as an obnoxious and annoying person.

I don't have social anxiety, but I was diagnosed with something as a teenager which includes having trouble getting close to people and trust issues. I have no idea if I really have it or not, but I do know I have trouble socially and no amount of time will get rid of my trust issues.

Quote from: FitterAdminlink=topic=144130.msg1176756#msg1176756 date=1373137149And people end up liking me and thinking that I'm actually the opposite to what I am

I have a problem with this too. It's become a habit to act as normal as possible.

Quote from: FitterAdminlink=topic=144130.msg1176756#msg1176756 date=1373137149Anyway, thanks for listening even though I'll probably be mortified I even posted this...

Yeah me too.

I do, but I have bipolar disorder -  my anxiety is usually crippling, but it goes the complete other direction when moods shift.

I over think every interaction I have with another person because I am convinced I said something wrong or acted in a weird way. I always think I am misinterpreted....which leads to it happening even if it wasn't initially.

I have no interest in friendships because I am afraid I will just mess it up somehow. 

It started in full force right around when I turned 25, though it was always sorta there. Now, I can't even work with other people directly - luckily, I have a skill set that is suited to telecommuting and freelance contracts. I tried to get a normal job to get out of the house, but I ended up quitting after less than 2 weeks because I couldn't handle being around other people.

Sometimes, I even have anxiety issues posting to forums, and I can't do anything on social networks.

Quote from: Fitter Admin on July 06, 2013, 01:59:09 PM
Anyway, thanks for listening even though I'll probably be mortified I even posted this...

I'll end my post agreeing with this because I feel exactly this way right now. I will probably end up deleting it.