Hugs,

I started stuttering and stammering at age 6 or 7. I am 98% over it but it was so difficult and growing up I was definitely traumatized from it and how I was treated.

Trans and gay and growing up in a bigoted ultra conservative catholic environment. I felt so dirty.

Friends were very few growing up and they moved on. I have my wife and daughter and work acquaintances ( very few 3 perhaps).

There are very very few pictures of me growing up because I did not want my pic taken and I am in not social situations where a pic was taken.

I saw a movie this weekend where the one character said to the other you only had 2 people sign your year book. That was 1 more than me. No proms or dates in HS or grade school. I tried to go to a school dances but it was an absolute horrible experience.

College, chose a science major and studied a lot, by myself.

Met my wife in a bar. I was by myself, drunk and 28. It was an absolute dive where alkies go. I had not been with a person for 6 years, she (does not drink) was assertive, and took an interest in me and she was super friendly and genuinely nice. To this day I can not believe I called her but she was really a nice person and I wanted to be with her and still do.

Death of loved ones is difficult. I dreamt, just a few days ago, I was walking with my Mom and I had my arm around her shoulder and we were happy and talking; she died 2.5 years ago. I had a very difficult year after she died. It takes my breath away.

Social situations are intense, especially when you know very few or no one there. It is almost impossible for me to walk up to a stranger and talk. I would much rather make an appearance and leave.

What helps me is thinking positive thoughts, having a plan, executing the plan and then reviewing successes and opportunities for next time. Therapy and Susan's Place have helped me greatly in thinking about the painful things, sharing, expressing and hopefully helping each other.

You may be lonely but you are definitely not alone.

Pretty much everything I've read in this thread so far applies to my own life experience.  I would however like to ask something to all of you who've experienced strong and consistent anxiety.  Has your anxiety been focused primarily on specific situations or has it been relatively un-focused?  One major breakthrough I had in improving my daily life was in realising that a lot of how I physically felt in terms of anxiety-like symptoms was actually a baseline state which had little to do with the actual emotions or mental presence of anxiety.  In other words, I could separate a lot of my physical discomfort from actual situation-specific anxiety or fear.  For most of my life I believed I was afraid of almost everything and everyone.  Then it finally occurred to me that I simply felt like crap anyway and that true anxiety or social fear was a step above and beyond that.  Certainly starting at a higher baseline discomfort level has made legitimately stressful situations significantly more uncomfortable than it would be for a 'normal' individual.  This discovery did however allow me to 're-calibrate my anxiety meter' so that I can be much more mentally realistic about how I feel about any specific moment or event.  Whether I have constant anxiety present or if it's just a nervous system running constantly with the pedal to the floor is something for a doctor to decide.  Either way I've learned to separate event-based anxiety from everything else.

Yeah, sometimes I'll just randomly have trouble breathing in public because of the anxiety. It's embarrassing. But I've come to be able to get past the "OMG I am suffocating" feeling, and just keep breathing until it passes.

Quote from: SunKat on July 06, 2013, 04:09:00 PM
You aren't alone in this.  I've had social anxiety all of my life and it has been severely limiting for me.
I think it stems from growing up trans in an age where I had every reason to be socially anxious and careful around people.  It seems like the younger you are, the harder this is to shake when you get older.

The only thing I've found that helped was taking acting classes.  I'm still as uncomfortable as all hell in front of people, but at least I can manage.

Basically... I don't trust people to be nice to me or to accept me and I've never had an intimate friend, even amongst my former spouses and lovers. I've learned not to share my thoughts and emotions with people and I have a very difficult time making attachments.   I think that's why, in those rare cases where I do find someone I can open up to, it's so devastating when they leave.   Most people are more open with their hair stylist than I am with my 'friends'.  Losing someone I can talk to honestly is a major blow for me.

Anyway... that's probably more than I'm comfortable sharing.  I just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling alone.

I'm right there with you SunKat, since kindergarten I was socially awkward and it turned into some hardcore anxiety real quick. I always have trouble telling people how I feel (0.05% of the time, the rest I just stay reserved to avoid drama) When around people I don't know (parties,mall,etc) I find myself feeling very stressful as if everyone is judging me for some reason.  On top of this I barley ever talk to new people. I always struggle to hold casual conversation unless I already know a person and their interests, It's probably my biggest downfall.

I had it as a teenager alongside Major Depression, and I think the things that helped me the most were pushing myself out of my comfort zone gradually (going to university in another country helped a ton), learning CBT techniques for catching my anxious thought loops, and going on an SSRI. I still have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and a fair amount of agonizing about social situations, but now it isn't paralyzing and social interactions aren't quite as draining.

I wonder how many trans people experience significant social anxiety. I know that being trans and having internalized transphobia made me feel from a very young age like I was different in a bad way that no one would understand. I put up walls between myself and others-- I believed for a long time that I was only capable of having one good friend (who I could trust). While that made me less vulnerable in some ways, it also meant that there was no real reality check for my assumption that everyone hated me like I hated myself.

Well, talking to my therapist yesterday, she does think that I'm dealing with some social anxiety... because I seem to have a really hard time even trying things because I have an issue with feeling shame and feeling scared whenever I imagine other people looking at me.

Forced myself to go to a new bar tonight,I was OK when I got there and enjoyed it more  than I expected.It might not sound much but it was a big thing for me to do as it was out of my usual area I travel to.

I get some social anxiety, but I don't think it excessively affects me. I do tend to be a bit shy and find social interaction awkward at times. But I don't get obsessively anxious about how others may be judging me. Sure I think about it, but probably not any more than the next person.

Now, I do expect that when I go full time that I'll have a lot more anxiety about how others will treat me, especially during the transitional phase when passing is difficult. But ultimately, it all comes down to my happiness with how I see myself--for which I'm willing to deal with any obtuse blockheads out there that are going to react to me negatively.

Yes, i do. It's crippling offline.

Kinda' sorta'. To me it's more like social claustraphobia. I don't really care what people think, say or react to me but in social situations I start feeling like people are closing in on me. If that makes sense. I have quite a few friends but very very few people know me on a personal level or my true personality. It is lonely but I like being alone so it hasn't caused me any really big problems yet.

Used to have it, but not as bad as before anymore. I still have a long road until being socially fully functional, but on words of my colleagues, I've changed a lot. Transitioning has helped me a lot with overcoming some things, speacilly in terms of self-image.

Still medicated for anxiety and depression, though.

I don't know if I can call it anxiety,  but I am very afraid when entering a room where are more people that I don't know well. I usually feel fear,  don't know how to behave correctly and thinking about how they percieve me, that brings me a lot of stress. And I don't know what to say to the new people I meet,  I usually stop conversation very soon. I am ok with friends that I know well,  no problems with them.

Quote from: SaveMeJeebus on July 10, 2013, 05:54:37 AM
Yes, i do. It's crippling offline.

Online is just as bad sometimes.  The shift to real names from anonymity everywhere is hard to deal with. Plus, anyway you interact with others on a site is potentially displayed indefinitely and out of your control.

People expect you to be on social networks, and when you're not, it can even create communication problems with people you have to interact with on something for work or school. Facebook terrifies me for so many reasons.

Quote from: spacerace on July 10, 2013, 08:34:24 PM
Online is just as bad sometimes.  The shift to real names from anonymity everywhere is hard to deal with. Plus, anyway you interact with others on a site is potentially displayed indefinitely and out of your control.

People expect you to be on social networks, and when you're not, it can even create communication problems with people you have to interact with on something for work or school. Facebook terrifies me for so many reasons.

I still have my moments online, but i have grown up being online sooo much, so i have gotten used to it- changed quite a bit. I don't really use Facebook (I removed people that knew me from school, but only as they didn't really bother talking to me), Skype, or Chat rooms; I'm not great with instant messaging.

Yes I have social anxiety. I was never officially diagnosed with it, although my therapist did hint at it and asked if I'd ever thought about going on benzo's or other anti-anxiety medication. (Would never do that though)

I don't make good first impressions because I barely speak. At job interviews and such, I don't seem enthusiastic or interested. I've been at my current job for almost 2 years and I still hardly talk to anyone. I work extremely hard and am polite so everyone loves me, but most don't know a thing about me. On average I make 1 new friend a year, even though I meet new people all the time. I never initiate conversations with people, and only after I've met someone about 10 times do I feel comfortable chatting to them. I hate going to parties because I don't like being surrounded by new people and I always end up just over-analyzing everything I say or do. If I'm drinking, I let my guard down a little bit and am able to talk more, but then when I wake up I feel awful about saying whatever it was, even though it's always fine and everyone else probably forgot.

Online it's the same story. I mean, I joined this site over 5 years ago and still only have about 400 posts. It took me years to even feel comfortable posting here, on a site where no one knows me! And still I go through phases that last a few months of not coming here at all, usually induced by randomly feeling super awkward about some random post I made or something. I've been a member of another online community since 2006 and it's the same story there.

It took me an incredibly long time to type this since I keep going back, re-writing things, reading it over and over. Trying to decide if I should even post it. That's how it is with every post I make though.

I've been given medication a few times over the years, but I always think "I don't need them..." Lol

Passing as male has helped quite a bit, as a lot of my anxiety was "they see a girl, that's because I'm in a girl's body, I look like a girl, because I was born in the wrong body, I'll never be a man...." But now, as I am seen as a teenager, I have all those teenage insecurities. I live a few blocks away from TWO Junior High schools, so there's teenagers everywhere to be seen. And I know which kid I'd have been if I was in high school like this. The fat, awkward, nerdy boy. LOL. Truthfully, my fear is to get beaten up by some kids who think I go to their school, or to get "tittie twisters" like my brother did when he was in school. I've got a lot of tit to twist.

Something that really helped me was talking to a counsellor last year. I remember mentioning the anxiety and she said "Why?" I said "I'm scared that people will see me as scared and awkward and take advantage of me for that. I feel sort of marked." She sort of sat back and said "Why didn't you mention this to me? I had no idea you had social anxiety. You make appropriate eye contact, you're so well-spoken, you're always smiling. I know that doesn't negate that you feel social anxiety, but you don't appear scared or awkward at all, and I'm really surprised to hear that you believe you see yourself that way. Have you ever considered that the way you perceive yourself may not be how others perceive you?"

That was a breakthrough for me, in more ways than just social anxiety. It brought it to my attention that I had a lot of blind spots when it came to myself. That perhaps, I did not know myself as well as I thought, that I judged myself without knowing the full picture.

Quote from: SaveMeJeebus on July 11, 2013, 05:19:53 AM
I still have my moments online, but i have grown up being online sooo much, so i have gotten used to it- changed quite a bit. I don't really use Facebook (I removed people that knew me from school, but only as they didn't really bother talking to me), Skype, or Chat rooms; I'm not great with instant messaging.

I actually have been accepted by quite a few friends from school, totally rejected by my "family"  my mother will only talk to me once a year and misgenders me but these people truly accept me, completely unlike what happened back when I was going to school. what a difference 35 years makes!

as far as socially - I have aspergers - so I am pretty socially inept. makes making friend almost impossible. and drive up anxiety

I think I have it, as well as GAD, though the symptoms aren't nearly as bad as GAD. When I meet new people, I too, rarely say the first word, and if I see someone I WANT to talk to...better find a way to make them talk to me first. Very difficult. If I do have to say something first, boy is the heart pumping. Eating lunch/dinner with people can be tough, even close friends at times. Shopping for anything isn't very fun. I know others don't care about me (from what I've been told by others ) but I can't stop myself from thinking what they think of me.

It got worse in 8th grade. When I was younger, the self conscious part of the brain didn't really kick in yet so I was fine. I still had it but it only manifested itself as being a shy kid.

I'm another one with social anxiety which I'm sure has had something to do with my eating disorders.

Being trans, overweight and homeless didn't help, nor did being harrassed by hostel staff or being sexually assaulted by someone when i was in the hostel. I came out of the hostel with a phobia of black people which took me over a year to recover from as a result.

Working in the performing arts isn't always easy. Casting calls and auditions are a nightmare, and even when I'm working with actors I know a shoot or a rehearsal usually is preceded by a sleepless night, if not two.

I hate crowds, parties, street markets, and so on. Supermarkets on a Saturday are a complete no no.

People coming into my home is also really stressful for me. I have an ongoing relationship with the man who comes to read my gas meter and quite often I switch my entryphone off because I don't like the thought of unannounced callers.

I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder at 16, along side PTSD. 

For me, puberty came several years sooner than my peers.  It didn't take long for my (large) chest to become an open target of ridicule among my peers.  They often had a good laugh at my expense.  The dang things caused me enough inner turmoil as it was without that.

Once PTSD was added to the mix; the social anxiety crippled my life (for nearly a decade) & I very reluctantly became a house spouse to avoid interacting with the world beyond my front door.  My fear was always "Is everyone staring at me?  Will they laugh at me?".  The event that caused the PTSD added another question "Will they hurt me?".

*hugs* to everyone having a hard time right now.