I went to my first dog walk with a local meetup group and had fun. While there, there was someone who was dressed like a girl and had long blonde hair with a cute scrunchie and a purse. She also had the ear-marks of a lanky teenaged boy body along with an adams apple. She was really quiet besides laughing at jokes, but when I did overhear her talk it seemed obvious to me (at least) that she was struggling to keep her voice at a female tone. I'd put her under 18 but not by much. Her face seemed older but her body was still in an awkward teenager phase.
I didn't have a chance to talk to her quietly/alone without anyone else around. I felt awkward bringing it up around the people she was with. I'm curious if she is trans and how it's working for her. Share that I'm trans and struggling with transition/passing myself. Maybe tell her about the trans clinic only a few hours from us.

If I see her again, how should I go about asking without making her feel cornered or upset? I haven't met another trans person in person yet. I know how I'd want to be approached. I'd want someone to be kind and respectful while being private about it instead of causing a scene.
Full disclosure- today I was in 'I don't give an F' mode. It was hot, I wore cargo shorts, boxers, a t-shirt and a sports bra. I wasn't worried about passing. I was worried about walking 3 miles in the heat with a dog and remaining as comfortable as possible. I probably looked like a hairy legged butch lesbian, and I'm okay with that. No one would have pegged me as trans even if I did get a few male pronouns tossed at me by servers while sitting down. My hair cut and face seem to help me pass fairly well until they get a good look at me without my binder on.

I wouldn't say anything outright about the possibility of being trans or not. Just talk with her and get to know her if you want to.

Would you like some advice from a girls perspective??

Friends...firstly friends...if that is all uou want no big deal
As her to go for a coffee if she drinks it...or a ice cream...
Be very non aggressive...
Talk about anything.  Dogs. Cats...weather...work...what ever..
Girls are chatty creatures :-)

Christine, I'm gay so anything beyond friendship is out of the question. If I see her again I'll just talk with her. My being trans will come out eventually because I plan on continuing going to these weekly dog walks for the foreseeable future.

If another girl can make a comment.

Trans* girls are just girls, like trans*guys are just guys.

As a girl I like to be treated with respect and as me. I, like most people, am friendly and like to meet people. She is probably the same.

Why not talk to her about her dog, and about your dog?

Just like normal?

After all we are just normal people.

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy. on July 15, 2013, 02:35:39 AM
If another girl can make a comment.

Trans* girls are just girls, like trans*guys are just guys.

As a girl I like to be treated with respect and as me. I, like most people, am friendly and like to meet people. She is probably the same.

Why not talk to her about her dog, and about your dog?

Just like normal?

After all we are just normal people.

Cindy

I second this. If I were her I'd rather feel that I was approached because I seemed a nice person, not because I looked trans. I'm sure if you become friends she will be happy to tell you herself, but I think bringing it up straight away would be a bit unkind. She's obviously trying her best to pass.

I hope it works out with you two and that you find a great new friend in her.

I personally wouldn't say anything. Reason being I've met more than 1 cis woman where I was absolutely convinced that they were MtF. Not only in appearance, but in voice. On the other hand, it sure would be nice to have a friend that understands and if you're both not talking about it to each other, you both may miss out.

Don't. Just approach a girl.

I sent a message to the girl she was with asking if they were going to be at the next dog walk. As far as I can tell, the girl I created the thread about doesn't have an account on the meetup website so I can't reach out to her like that.

Quote from: Cindy. on July 15, 2013, 02:35:39 AM
If another girl can make a comment.

Trans* girls are just girls, like trans*guys are just guys.

As a girl I like to be treated with respect and as me. I, like most people, am friendly and like to meet people. She is probably the same.

Why not talk to her about her dog, and about your dog?

Just like normal?

After all we are just normal people.

Cindy

This, also, just because someone "looks trans" (whatever that means because there are all different types of trans people in all stages of transition so there is no one way that someone can look trans) that doesn't mean they are trans.  They could have a hormone imbalance, intersexed condition, or any other number of problems.

Quotethere is no one way that someone can look trans

I disagree, but I don't want to upset anyone by going into detail about WHY.

Quote from: randomroads on July 17, 2013, 01:13:55 AM
I disagree, but I don't want to upset anyone by going into detail about WHY.

I really do think we need to be "enlightened" as to what this common "trans look" we all share is. 


I really don't think we do as it will end up in arguments and I will then have to impose bans etc.
Cindy
Global Moderator.

Quote from: randomroads on July 15, 2013, 12:51:36 AM
I know how I'd want to be approached. I'd want someone to be kind and respectful while being private about it instead of causing a scene.

So what you're basically saying here is that you'd like to be approached by someone in a way which doesn't make it an issue, right?

The question you raised is one I feel is shared by a great many cisgendered people. This is a question which can only be an issue if someone being trans to you is an issue.

If you completely disregard the fact that she's trans, who do you see? Another human being? Do you see what I mean?

Just because someone is trans doesn't change who they are as a person, they're still a human being and pretty much like anyone else who you perceive as cisgendered or non trans.

Trans isn't a gender or someone's complete identity, but just a small part of who someone is as a person. Look for the complete human being, and you shouldn't have any issues with making contact or approaching someone.

Quote from: StellaB on July 18, 2013, 03:30:15 AM
So what you're basically saying here is that you'd like to be approached by someone in a way which doesn't make it an issue, right?

The question you raised is one I feel is shared by a great many cisgendered people. This is a question which can only be an issue if someone being trans to you is an issue.

If you completely disregard the fact that she's trans, who do you see? Another human being? Do you see what I mean?

Just because someone is trans doesn't change who they are as a person, they're still a human being and pretty much like anyone else who you perceive as cisgendered or non trans.

Trans isn't a gender or someone's complete identity, but just a small part of who someone is as a person. Look for the complete human being, and you shouldn't have any issues with making contact or approaching someone.

+1

In my transitioning days, I would have been mortified if I were befriended by a stranger simply because they thought I was trans.

There's someone who's been in the pub I work in a few times over the last year or so, and I've always thought that maybe she's trans, and there's been an urge to talk to her/find out if she really is, and then I've realised there's no point to it.  It would be the only thing we have in common, she's old enough to be my grandmother, and she seems completely different to the majority of the people I get on with around here, the builders and painters.  If I asked around someone would know, but I don't need to know, and I'm sure she doesn't need someone drawing attention to her when she could easily be living as stealth.

If any of you lived in my area, which you don't, I might suggest meeting up and talking in real life, but approaching a complete stranger on the basis that they might also be trans?  No.  I'm not going to make people uncomfortable and potentially end up outing them for no reason when I can get my fix of being able to vent and talk about trans issues on here.

And if someone approached me my natural reaction would probably be "Hell no!" or something more explicit.  Not because it's bad to be trans, but because that's what I'm like.  When I identified as a lesbian one of the chefs asked if I was gay because he read my coming out (as liking women) thing I'd posted a year or so before on facebook and I denied it like hell for no reason.

Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on July 18, 2013, 02:44:11 AM
I really do think we need to be "enlightened" as to what this common "trans look" we all share is. 


I really don't think we do as it will end up in arguments and I will then have to impose bans etc.
Cindy
Global Moderator.

I agree with Cindy. If I think one of my opinions is inflammatory/hurtful/sexist/just plain rude to others, it's best not to talk about it. That said, I think you're being a tad bit silly by twisting my words into 'what this common look is that we all share', since I never said anything like that.

On a lighter note that look is called "lookin' good". It's all over the boards here.

I would say to just approach her like you would any other person. If you have enough in common to become friends the trans deal will eventually come up. If not at least you made a friend and we all need those.