Hello everybody! I'm Kate, and I'm a 5'11" MTF Graduate student in my late 20s. First of all I want to say that I love this website and forum; I have used it as a resource for information and where to find help for myself for a long time. I guess I held back from contributing from the discussion for such a long time because I felt as though my contributions wouldn't add much to the discourse while I was still battling with myself over my GID. Finally coming to terms with it last year, and coming out to my mom and brother were the hardest things I've had to do so far in my life.
I decided to transition in stealth while I can, however I don't want to alienate anyone who is making the effort to pass, since they might perceive my approach as laissez-faire. Ironically, I put forth an even greater mental effort masquerading as "the guy they knew" for the people I'm planning to tell later, and strangers. It isn't as unbearable as it was before I was transitioning, but every now and then someone makes a remark to me about how they don't like something and say something homophobic or misogynistic. Since they consider me one of the guys it's upsetting on multiple levels. I guess it's a good thing I can still act guy-like, and invisible. I've never felt like I fit in with my guy-friends before so it's not a new thing to me, it's just getting harder to keep up the fiction as time goes by.
I went through an abusive relationship that taught me a lot about life the hard way, and I didn't help me with a few of my biggest issues and problems. I might have started my transition 8 years ago if it weren't for my ex-girlfriend's discouragement, and I wish I hadn't listened to her then. The most important thing I learned is to stop putting other people's happiness, desires, and expectations ahead of my own.
I love music and movies, which is why I'm working on my MFA so I can get a job in the movie industry as a Compositor working with Visual Effects. I like how movies and songs both can be emotionally evocative, nostalgic, or even a mindless summer blockbuster Michael Bay film or pop top 40 one hit wonder. Even when I was a child, I wasn't particularly loud, unless my mom was trying to restrain me from exploring. I always wanted to see and hear new things. I also enjoy learning about other cultures, and foreign languages. I've spent time learning several foreign languages and I'm planning on learning ASL when I have the time. ASL would be particularly handy to know while recovering from having vocal surgery.
I think the coolest thing about the world is that there is always something new that can be found to try or learn. I don't think I'll ever get tired of traveling, even though I'm too busy to do much now. I figure a good backup career plan for me is to go back to a school to get a PhD in linguistics, become a translator and travel a lot more to arrange movie location contracts for VFX plate shooting.
While those are unrealized dreams, my pressing reality is a bit less rosy, but I rely on this forum usually finding similar topics to find advice and toughen my resolve when I feel like I might falter. Even though I have a rather good plan for the immediate future, it doesn't make any of this easier to deal with. I know I'll lose friends and some family members will will stop talking to me when I stop wearing costumes, but at least I have the support of my immediate family and the few close friends I've opened up to.
This has been a giant block of text, thanks for reading this far
