I recently spoke to my chaplain about my feelings and she directed me towards military one source for non-military related face to face counseling sessions done by civilians who wouldn't answer to my chain of command, however, I'm worried that a resource made just for military members wouldn't send the red flag up to my chain of command the second I tell them who I am and what I need to be seen for. Does anybody have any experience with military one source that could help with my fears? Thanks.

Quote from: Metora on July 16, 2013, 07:12:27 PM
I recently spoke to my chaplain about my feelings and she directed me towards military one source for non-military related face to face counseling sessions done by civilians who wouldn't answer to my chain of command, however, I'm worried that a resource made just for military members wouldn't send the red flag up to my chain of command the second I tell them who I am and what I need to be seen for. Does anybody have any experience with military one source that could help with my fears? Thanks.

Do not go there, one whiff you are trans and you will get discharged. In the US there is no way to transition or deal with GID while in uniform.

Sorry about the bad news

I would point to TAVA but they mostly deal with discharged personnel. Disclosure to medical without an exit plan in place could mean an administrative discharge.

http://www.tavausa.org/faq.html

Peky, thanks for the warning, this unnecessary vendetta against TG in the military is a little out of hand, especially considering that there's no logical reason for it. I think my saving grace will be to find out if the one source consultants are members of the military themselves. Generally the way it works is if they're not military, they don't answer to any chain of command within it. Honestly, Flan the best plan I can throw together in my head is to get all of my education taken care of in the next year or so, and show myself the door out, if the military wants to discriminate against me, they'll learn screwing someone is a two way street.

Jessica B came out on the day DADT was repealed as part of her exit strategy. She worked with a Chaplain leading up to that. She may have some information for you, but  transitioning in the service is still a no-go. Hugs, Devlyn

I don't know what one source is, but I landed myself in Mental Health once over depression and within a couple weeks I was discharged for GID. I never even mentioned it. If I had actually said something, it probably would have been faster.

Thanks, Devlyn. I think that's the easiest way out is to take what I need and let the military overreact and deliver me to the front gate, so I can begin what I truly need to do. Emily, one source is supposed to be a way for service members to seek help without notification of their chain of command, however, I'm worried about the point where I say what I need and them agreeing to schedule a counselor for me. Just thinking I'm unhappy is apparently illegal according to military policy. The only person I can get 100% confidence from is my chaplain but she's the one who pointed me to one source, although she wasn't completely sure of the ramifications of me going to them.

I'm having a really hard time believing there isn't a single individual who's in the same boat and has ANY advice to offer on this forum.

I knew a guy who was in the Reserves. His CO was sympathetic, and he was able to start transitioning, but the CO told the guy that this could totally change if he was transferred elsewhere. I have heard of this in the Reserves, though extremely rarely. I think the experience would be very different in the regular military. I also don't know as I haven't heard from lately.
He was able to work as part of the Reserves which involved stuff like fire fighting. But not sure otherwise.

AFAIK, the repeal of DOMA does not apply to trans people.

--Jay

Yeah your shrink needs to be off base or via Skype. On base with military it's like high school. Everyone's business tends to come out.

I had a very bad experience with military onesource.  I was going through a rough period and set up to get phone counseling.  It was important to me to finish my contract so I was trying to get help through them because I thought my command wouldn't fin out.  Unfortunately, during the first session while still just kinda evaluating me, she interpreted "I would never commit suicide but lately I wish I didn't have reasons not to" as I was an threat to myself and without hearing why I felt that way called the ER of the local military hospital.  It wasn't until after I got stuck in the psych ward that I opened up about my dysphoria.  While I am being discharged because of being diagnosed with GID, I can at least say that have been pretty awesome about everything other than not giving me the option to stay in.  While in the military psych ward, they put me in an empty room on the female side rather than put me with male roommates.  I didn't think it was necessary but I was surprised that they thought about it.  Every Army nurse and doctor in the ward encouraged me to embrace my feminine side and not be ashamed of it instead of trying to keep it bottled up.  And instead of discharging me outright, they put me on Limited Duty for 6 months and are paying for me to go to a civilian therapist who has experience with trans clients.  My Navy doctor said she did it to make sure I got a good start in therapy and give me a chance to figure things out before going back home.  And everyone that has found out in the military since from the other enlisted sailors in my therapy group, my limited duty coordinator, and everyone in the chain of command at my limdu assignment who I felt it would be easier to just tell have been nothing but supportive and have yet to receive any ill will or dirty looks as to why I'm limited duty.  I would have preferred to finish my time and dealt with transitioning in a couple years and am pretty offended that they don't want me just because I'd rather be a girl, but overall I am plesantly surprised with how I've been treated.

But the point of my story: Do not trust military one source to not inform your command and if medical finds out you have gender dysphoria, they do not have a choice, there is an instruction that the diagnosis does not allow you to stay in.

Aleon, I have heard of cases where those in the military could discreetly transition under the nose of their command.. The problem I see with that is how do you get the hormones on military health care? Some butterbar is going to see a male getting hormones that he doesn't need and start investigating. I could see paying out of pocket working. Tristan, I wholeheartedly agree, however, I do have one good friend I've confided in and it's paid off as far as my sanity is concerned, because these are certainly not new feelings for me. I wonder if maybe I would have been better off not joining the military, but I can't ignore the benefits it's laid out for me. It's kind of like I'm prolonging my life to collect the things I will need during it if that makes any sense? Skin, thanks for the message. I really appreciate it! If I might ask how did you go about getting through to a counselor? Did you mention GID or was suicide the reason you called? While I would like to finish my contract, I can't in good conscience knowing that they really don't want me anyways. How do people even start their transition in military without speaking to a counselor at some point? maybe if I wanted to talk to a counselor under false pretenses and then talk about what I'm really there for, would they turn me away? I can't ignore the strides I would make if I were beginning my transition as early as possible by the time I was out. Granted I should have started 5 years ago when I first told my mother about it, but she fought me every step of the way. I should talk to her about that.

It's been a few months now, so I don't know exactly who I called.  I never mentioned GID to military onesource.  I think I just called the main number and asked for counseling because I was having a rough period.  Then they asked about suicidal thoughts and I don't know what I said but that first person must not of thought I was in crisis mode because she set me up with a phone counseling appointment for like a week later.  I would like to point out that I never got the impression I wasn't wanted.  My doctor in the hospital took the time to make it clear that while I was being diagnosed with GID that the diagnosis was soon changing to gender dysphoria because it is not a disorder and I shouldn't feel ashamed of it.  And once I got out, the doc that put me on limdu showed me the instruction that said separation was required for the diagnosis and explained that hopefully it would change soon.  But she also mentioned that it may be for the best as she thinks I should go home and transition instead of trying to hold it in for a couple more years anyway. 

That's true. Flying under the radar might be best for now. It's just so difficult to not be who I truly am for the sake of a military that ultimately doesn't need me. The results of transitioning would be difficult to hide, especially being so far behind in my education at this point. My goal is a bachelors degree before I'm out and enough money to get myself started and on my way. Does civilian insurance often cover transition needs?

Personally, I would not feel comfortable transitioning under the radar while in.  I have enough trouble simply explaining why I'm getting electrolysis on my facial hair.  I would have to imagine at somepoint the results of hrt would be noticed, and I'm not sure at the repercussions for doing that without consulting your military PCM.  And the biggest hurdle would be how long could you meet male PT standards after no longer having testosterone?

No I didn't mean I would start while I'm in, rather closer to when I'm planning on actually ending my career.

gotcha November is when my limdu period ends and the separation will start.  I'll try to remember to let you know how that part works out when it happens.

Please do! Any information what so ever is helpful, take care and good luck!

Quote from: Metora on July 17, 2013, 12:15:51 AM
That's true. Flying under the radar might be best for now. It's just so difficult to not be who I truly am for the sake of a military that ultimately doesn't need me. The results of transitioning would be difficult to hide, especially being so far behind in my education at this point. My goal is a bachelors degree before I'm out and enough money to get myself started and on my way. Does civilian insurance often cover transition needs?

If you become a Fed civilian you will be protected, and would not be  fired or not hired because your GID. However, fed civilian health isurances do not cover "ransitioning" services yet, maybe in FY14 or FY 15.

I toughed out my four years and it was really hard. I can't really comment on Military One Source though but can say don't trust anything that the military has contracted through. If it were me I would seek a therapist on my own that is more obligated to me and my paying them instead of the military.

Most Chaplains have a moral obligation so your pretty much safe there. I'm sure that Military One Source has a contractual obligation and unless you know exactly what their obligations are to you and the military and you don't want to be outed, I wouldn't trust them too much.