I always wondered with my exes....until they got there period...kinda bummed tho cuz it would be awesome to have someone who already transitioned help act as s guide ya know.

Quote from: Jamie D on July 16, 2013, 06:11:42 PM
If the recent statistics are correct, or at least represent a good estimate, then approximately 1 out of 333 people are transgendered.

But you would be hard press to identify a transgendered person by looks alone, unless the gender presentation did not match, in some way, their sexual image.

There are two of us in the town I live in(pop. 420), at least that are out anyway...

But with transgender covering more than just transitioners, many would never be noticed anyway.

Can I join the dinklehead club also?

I think part of it is just awareness. Like if we buy a new car, suddenly we're aware
that there are a lot of other cars just like it on the road. We never noticed them
before. We are all so self conscience we can't help but notice others.

Also, I think I'm always looking, hoping to find I am not the only one
like me and when I do spot someone who appears trans, it's kind of
comforting just to know they are there.

Teehee, glad to see there are so many other dinkleheads out there. 

Now for the big follow up question. Have you ever been tempted to say something to someone you were sure was also trans?

I certainly wouldn't ever say something that outed them. But I almost wish we all had a special code word, just so we could secretly offer support for each other.


For example, I was in Walmart the other day with my wife. While we were in line at the check out I was observing the woman in front of us. She shared many of the physical characteristics of a MTF transwoman. She was tall, broad shouldered, and had large hands and feet. But at the same time she was completely passable as a CIS woman. So for a few moments I was just wondering "is she or isn't she?" But as I noticed a lack of self-confidence in her posture and demeanor and listened to her whispered voice the scales shifted in my head towards "probably trans".

I wanted to say something to her. Something to comfort her and let her know I thought she looked fab. But what could I say? I mean my wife and the cashier were right there and I was in male-mode. My hesitation and fear over creating an awkward moment ended up making the decision for me. I just watched as she paid for and collected her groceries and then walked away--and the opportunity to say something went out the door with her.

As I think back, it would have been nice if I could have said something like:

"Excuse me miss... I may be a dinklehead for saying this in front of my wife, but I just wanted to say that you look fabulous!"

And maybe my use of a code word like 'dinklehead' would have keyed off to her that I am trans too. And if I was wrong, and she was a CIS woman, then she may have given me a puzzled glance and a shy "thank you" before heading off--at which point I may also have some explaining to do to my wife.


Here's another example. There's a couple people at work that I think may be trans (we have hundreds of employees in our office and my employer is pro trans rights, so it isn't a stretch). Anyway, I kinda wish there was a code word or phrase I could use in conversations to identify myself as trans to them. If they aren't trans then they just wouldn't pick up on it, but if they are... well, at least they'd know I am too. At which point they could choose to approach me and say "Hey dinklehead, let's go to lunch some time."

I know it's just wishful thinking on my part. But it would be nice to be able to say something and make that instant connection.

Quote from: JulieR on July 17, 2013, 07:12:28 AM
That is a great idea Alaia, at least in the basic idea of it.  I don't know about a code word used to seek out others.  In Alcoholics Anonymous, a similar code phrase is to ask someone if they are "a friend of Bill", after Bill Wilson who was one of the co-founders of AA.  This is a harmless question and means nothing if the person is not in fact a member of AA.

Although it may be an urban myth of sorts, I like the concept of gay men using earrings to signify certain meanings to others.  Perhaps trans folks could adopt a similar article of clothing, jewelry or manner of dress which id's them as trans.  Perhaps a swastika carved in the forehead would be a bit much; rather a backwards "D", for dinklehead.  (J/K, I'm not really fond of the idea of carving a symbol in my forehead.)

I am wearing a wristband with TG Pride flag colors (blue, pink, white) and pendant with TG arrow-circle . Sapienti sat

I totally do this all the time. But in addition I'm always looking at people's features, not necessarily because I think they are trans, but to see what makes their features masculine and what makes them feminine. Ever since starting down this path I've become much more sensitive to brow arches, eyebrows, Adam's apples, facial hair etc etc. it's interesting to people watch in this way.

We could always ask, "Are you Susan's friend?" like with AA that someone else posted.

Quote from: Alaia on July 17, 2013, 06:59:24 AM

Now for the big follow up question. Have you ever been tempted to say something to someone you were sure was also trans?

I suppose I could just say hi in the lowest voice I can make.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on July 17, 2013, 10:53:43 AM
I suppose I could just say hi in the lowest voice I can make.

Ha! I may risk outing myself by making an acknowledgement and I wish to remain stealth. From experience, I mostly have very little in common with other tpersons. Well, as much as any other stranger.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on July 17, 2013, 10:53:43 AM
I suppose I could just say hi in the lowest voice I can make.

Bwahaha! Good one, I LOL'd! My coworkers are like 'wut?'. Fortunately my phone was on mute so my customer didn't hear

I live as anout lesbian, but not an out trans - I would not - and I am actually planning in the city I am moving to in 6 months on beeing even deeper in stealth - curently in the city I live in about 100 people know I am trans. in the new one only my doctors.

Sometimes I read pre everything MTF/TV  presenting as 'straight' cismen.

Somehow you can just sense  the exact reason why some 'straight' guy is looking at you....in a bit of a nervous way.

On the other hand...once in a while I spot a MTF who invariably doesn't spot me.

I am a dinklehead too.

Where I work, and several large employers surrounding that campus pay for SRS and HRT and we have protections. I walk at lunch and look at all the females. I see what they are wearing, their height, make-up, hair and yes if they are TG. If 1/333 are TG in society then in my work area in is very much higher. Yes there are several TG women and men I see on my lunch walk. 

When I go to the gayborhood there is a large population of TG and queer people and it is really nice to see. I love to watch the interactions and differences in the corporate world vs. the gayborhood world.

I don't pass and get a lot of stares, catch people glancing my way in curiosity, or saying something to friends.   And hey, it's my choice to be out-and-about while not passing.  But it doesn't bother me unless someone says something ignorant, and loud enough to draw a lot attention.  Or if it's just plain vulgar.  Yet I can deal with it, and know it's always a possibility.

But please .... think of the poor girl who spent hours getting an outfit together, doing her makeup, and planning one of her first few evenings out as herself.  And above all she wants to avoid being a spectacle.  Then someone walks up and says, "Hi, are you trans?"   And for her it's suddenly "Oh god, I don't pass."  And, "Welcome back full blown dysphoria and depression."  Of course she'll burst into tears.

I don't know if it'd be better to walk up and say "Hi, I'm transgender and would like to talk if you're ok with that".   But I've seen a lot of non passing transwomen in the SF Bay Area, and have never considered walking up to any of them.  It doesn't matter how I feel, because it's all about them.

Maybe I'm off base on this.  Just the way I feel about it.

Kathy

You're not off base Kathy, one should never ask someone you think is trans if they are. Ever. It's bascially saying I clocked you. Have a nice day! It won't be a nice day for them.

Dinklehead here though I try not to stare.  Saw two possible sisters tonight at dinner, though one was male leaning and the other was fully presenting as a woman and either way was totally woman.  I think I was okay, seriously sorry though if I made them feel uncomfortable.

Don't get me wrong.  We will notice, and it's human nature.  But one noticing glance and it's over, is what happens for me now.  And yes, there were those early days in this life when my stare was too long and sometimes followed a woman across a room.  Eew...  How creepy of me.

You can chat. Asking if someone is trans is just extremely rude.

Quote from: LordKAT on July 28, 2013, 01:11:08 AM
You can chat. Asking if someone is trans is just extremely rude.

Yeah. And it can only depress people. If they are, they will feel caught. If they aren't they will feel un-womanly or un-manly. Both is bad.

BDSM people have signs which only knowing people will recognize. I heard the same holds true for gay people. It's a shame that this doesn't seem to exist for trans people. If it would you could start chatting with: "Are you really trans? I would never ever have recognized this without the sign." and everybody would feel comfortable.

Quote from: PiaBianca on July 28, 2013, 05:39:21 AM
Yeah. And it can only depress people. If they are, they will feel caught. If they aren't they will feel un-womanly or un-manly. Both is bad.

BDSM people have signs which only knowing people will recognize. I heard the same holds true for gay people. It's a shame that this doesn't seem to exist for trans people. If it would you could start chatting with: "Are you really trans? I would never ever have recognized this without the sign." and everybody would feel comfortable.

With Masons they have handshakes that they recognize each other  by,  and if you do not give the correct hand shake no on e responds, then you just move on like nothing happened

the thing is I would not even respond if someone gave me the handshake since I am stealth, I do not want to be known in my new city, that is the way I am going to be

I had the trans people who are in the organization from the city that I am moving to visit my city in the gay & lesbian center & I did not go just so they would not know me this is how stealth I wish to remain