AFAIK, the guy I know did not transition "discretely" OTOH this is a FTM. He was on low T I think and guys, well we "get away with transition" as masculine women are common. OTOH, the CO knew. However this was the Guard, and he was told that if was transferred there was no guarantee (I'd say there was a guarantee the other way!)

In the Guard there are gendered activities so that was really hard for him as he was actually not allowed to do things with the guys. Though his CO exempted him in some cases.

I also haven't seen him.

Sounds like a difficult thing, even with such a supportive CO. I am pretty sure that it is like HS everybody knows your business and the only "safe" therapy is off base.

--Jay

My plan right now is to get my education squared away. Go on a few deployments to make money. Then when I feel the time is right, come clean and let them decide how to go about it. I'd rather avoid a government job if I can, maybe with a bachelors I could land a well paying job after the military.

Quote from: peky on July 16, 2013, 07:27:36 PM
Do not go there, one whiff you are trans and you will get discharged. In the US there is no way to transition or deal with GID while in uniform.

Sorry about the bad news

This +1.  Be very careful what you say and to whom. Even fellow soldiers or those who like to be nosey.

Thanks again, I'm pretty much decided that one source is not the place to stash my concerns. I'll just have to hold my breath until my situation gets better and I take what I need for myself.

I don't know how many more years you have Metora but I served four years. I spent two years out of country and had a real mission. I threw myself into my job and spent my off time learning the culture and meeting people. It was totally bearable for those two years. The last year and a half being back in country with no real mission and doing nothing but training in the same old country I already knew about is when it became hard. After 6 months I started thinking of ways to get discharged like throwing PT tests, becoming overweight and other things to try to get at least a general discharge. I never talked to anyone about it and the thing that helped me the most is the half cup full deal. "It's only a year" I would tell myself over and over again instead of " OH GOD, A year is such a long time." Before I knew it The 6 month point came then the 3 month point and then I had my papers to ETS.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it may get hard on you and watch out for the down time because that's when it would sneek up and bite me in the rear.

We're having a guy being discharged with under honorable conditions and he's a dirtbag, I'm trying to understand how someone who serves honorably but has GID could really get any less than that. Also if its a medical condition why is it considered an administrative discharge? The sooner I get out the better because I can dive into transition without anybody telling me otherwise.

Quote from: Metora on July 18, 2013, 08:20:43 AM
We're having a guy being discharged with under honorable conditions and he's a dirtbag, I'm trying to understand how someone who serves honorably but has GID could really get any less than that. Also if its a medical condition why is it considered an administrative discharge? The sooner I get out the better because I can dive into transition without anybody telling me otherwise.

It's sad to say but the government is one of the biggest hypocrites when it come to double standards between civilians and military personel when it comes to gender identification not so much sexual orientation with the repeal of DADT. You can look into ways in which the military is discharging people under the honorable flag. I knew quite a few that got out by being overwieght under honorable conditions with more benefits than the standard ETS. This was at a time when the military was downsizing and it was extremely easy by being just a few pounds overweight and not losing them. If you failed three PT tests you would also get an honorable discharge.

That last sentence you wrote is where I had most of my problems. I hate anyone telling me how to dress, what hairstyle to have, what jewelry I can wear and so on. I would definately look into ways of being discharged honorably though because that record will follow you through life. Several jobs after the military I had to show my DDform214 now not so much but it carried a lot of bearing several years after I ETSed.

As for if you ever get negative feelings or guilt over not being able to finish the contract, don't worry about it. The only way I finished is that I have overwhelming GID. I do have GID but not at the point so many others have and I could supress it but just barely. If I would have signed on for another two years there is no way that I could have made it and any discharge would have been a relief. I really doubt that if I would have stayed stateside instead of an overseas post, I could have even made the 4 years.

I signed on for 6 because it shot me to e-3 about 8 months after my enlistment. The way I look at it is everyday I spend not pursuing this is a longer road I'm going to have to walk to pursue it later. Our command is pretty lenient I think. Because honestly, this guy screwed up all the time and he's keeping his benefits.

6 years? How many do you have left if you don't mind me asking? Recruiters aren't always wholy truthfull when it comes to what the military needs. I got my E1 right out of basic which was about 4 months, 3 months in my first duty station I had my E2 and 3 months after that my E3. Another year later I had my E4. I got told when I joined that I could request a German post but my recruiter failed to mention that isn't the way it really works in the real military. A lot of my fasttrack up the rank was do to delving into my job though.

A lenient command is a good thing. Stateside my Battalion Comander was an ex Ranger and we were always having his Fun Runs of which weren't very fun to me. One time it was upward to 8 miles. He didn't cut anyone any slack. We had to do a parade for an outgoing and incoming post commander and he trashed everyone that passed out on the parade field. He didn't like anyone even going on their knee to keep from passing out or to drink water during the ceremony. Yeah, he was a little bit of a butt. But lenient or not, I wouldn't trust them too much when it comes to gender identity issues because the millitary has a set ways on doing things. Since being trans is a taboo of sorts for the military, they may not be able to help too much.

My recruiter wasn't a liar by any means, he was the person I told about my original GID, I handed them the therapist records and everything I just said I didn't feel it anymore, which I didn't at the time, and I only had my weight left to worry about, I had to put on about 15 pounds to make my minimum weight. And putting on weight is not an easy thing for me. Honestly there's waivers for everything in the AF.

Quote from: Metora on July 18, 2013, 09:51:57 AM
My recruiter wasn't a liar by any means, he was the person I told about my original GID, I handed them the therapist records and everything I just said I didn't feel it anymore, which I didn't at the time, and I only had my weight left to worry about, I had to put on about 15 pounds to make my minimum weight. And putting on weight is not an easy thing for me. Honestly there's waivers for everything in the AF.

Wow. You had to gain 15 pounds? I really wish putting on weight was hard for me to do. There you go though. If you aren't unhealthy at your pre enlistment weight that should be an honorable discharge just like being overweight. To get in ther are waivers for everything in every branch but getting out it just depends on the building up or sizing down on what is acceptable.

Sometimes we really think that we get the GID whipped but in my case it always came screaming back. For me it never actually went away but quietened down for differing periods of time. When I started accepting it and gave into it, it became more like a dull steady throb.

The waiver came for my weight my last day of meps, I didn't cut it, but the doctor didn't care and wrote the waiver. I wonder what having GID already on my record would mean. I'm very much the same way as far as it coming and going, I might accept this time and act on it when I feel the time is right. Even when I'm not in one of these spells I think about it with some interest.

Quote from: Metora on July 18, 2013, 10:23:31 AM
The waiver came for my weight my last day of meps, I didn't cut it, but the doctor didn't care and wrote the waiver. I wonder what having GID already on my record would mean. I'm very much the same way as far as it coming and going, I might accept this time and act on it when I feel the time is right. Even when I'm not in one of these spells I think about it with some interest.

I'm really rather surprised that didn't knock you out from the get go.

Probably the fact that I was honest about it, and whatever was in my therapists notes didn't scare them. Kind of a weird situation. My recruiter was awesome though. I'm happy he understood it.

I was talking to a friend of mine about what I'm thinking and he's telling me that One Source is the best place to go. I'm really torn over it. I just got my education underway again, and I'm not sure if I can handle that, work AND therapy all at the same time. As much as I would like to speak to someone, I'm not even sure what I would be looking for of it. What do I do?? What are some questions I can ask myself first that could lead me to the right path?

Quote from: Metora on July 18, 2013, 05:25:49 PM
I was talking to a friend of mine about what I'm thinking and he's telling me that One Source is the best place to go. I'm really torn over it. I just got my education underway again, and I'm not sure if I can handle that, work AND therapy all at the same time. As much as I would like to speak to someone, I'm not even sure what I would be looking for of it. What do I do?? What are some questions I can ask myself first that could lead me to the right path?

I nor anyone else can tell you what you need to do. You just have to look to yourself and try and figure out how bad the gender dysphoria is and can you handle it for a while in order to finish your education while remaining in the military.

Therapy is not an everyday thing. Usually for about an hour once a week but you get to pick the frequency. If you use One Source, I would claim needing it for something else like anxiety until I met a therapist and gained trust in him/her. Then I would bring it up casually and non chalantly something like, " I thought I had these feelings conquered but they seem to be coming back at times." After a while you can go full throttle about the GID issues if you can trust them.

What your looking for from therapy? You probably know the answer to that already. Do you suffer depression or anxiety? Go for that in the beginning and then slowly open up and see where the sessions go.

There are things that you can do to kind of cope and allow a release for your self expression wile serving. I wouldn't go and drop a bunch of money on clothing, shoes, make up and a wig while living in the barracks though. Way too many inspections of the room and wall lockers. Can you live off post? I did. Although fairly expensive to rent something you are afforded the privacy to be yourself without too many fears of inspections and even if so, you can hide things really easy.

I would rather not give up my education so early because god knows they're good to take my benefits from me when I leave. So that's settled. As far as the therapist goes I really have no idea what I think I might want from them.. I would say no to depression or anxiety. The only depressin I feel is when I think about my situation honestly. The airforce works somewhat differently, we have our own rooms and space, but room inspections are often monthly. I did have a small box of clothes I left with a trusted friend while on deployment this year, but when I got back I decided it would be best to toss it out, I still think I made the right move. They were more of a liability than a comfort at this point. When I hit my 3 year mark, I'll move off base. Then my privacy will be mine and I got branch out a bit. How many sessions should I give the therapist before I decide if I trust them? I'm a pretty trusting individual, I'm nothing if not naive.

I can't really say for sure on how long it would take for you to trust them. I, by nature am not a very trusting person but can usually figure out if I can trust people fairly quickly. If the therapy bill is being payed by the military I would say give it a bit. Always ask questions from them like their education, what they think of this or that, how they would handle certain generalized cases and so on. My therapist is always accusing me of analysing him because I know just about as much about him as he of me. I do therapy for depression and anxiety even though I know my slow forward progressing GID is responsible, I just haven't and can't open up about it yet. So I would say use an excuse to see a therapist for something other than GID. It can always come out later when they have gained your trust.

Also when asking things of them, ask them what the policies are of them sharing info with the military. Just insert the GID in along with a lot of other things like OCD, MPD and any other disorder you can think about or find on the internet. Yeah, I'm pretty good about beating around the bush. It's not a bad thing to be trusting believe me. Being non trusting has caused me way more problems in therapy than not.

If they act with an air of supeiority, request another theapist. If they act like it's none of your business about their background, how they would handle certain situations and just refuse to talk to you as a fellow human being, request another therapist. They should make you as comfortable as possible, make you feel like your in a safe zone and relaxed enough to open up. If they get frustrated with you and your lack of "addressing the problem" request another therapist. They should have an extreme amount of patience and realize there are people out there like me that just can not open up in a short amount of time. BTW I had a therapist with all the negatives that I mentioned. She told me she could do nothing else for me without giving me enough time to feel comfortable. She dealt with GID too which is really what I needed and what I eventually would have worked toward if she could have put up with all the other BS that I spew out during therapy. The therapist I have now, while not as extensive a background, is a lot better, actually talks to me, no air of superiority, is very understanding and all around a better person. Before and after sessions we talk about other things unrelated to psychological issues. I am becoming quite comfortable and am able to hint at things about myself more than I ever could have the other one. He probably already knows but that is a leap that I have to take myself without a push.

You should be able to tell with the asking questions, personality, disclosure policies and background in about three or four sessions. But all of that depends upon you and your own willingness to open up. Like I said, with me I am just now beginning to hint at my true self and it's been over a year.

Yeah, I get that. My friend is saying I should call up one source and just say I'm looking to become a better person, and get a therapist that way. I'm not really lieing as I am seeking to better myself. But we only get like 12 free sessions. After that I'm on my own. I really appreciate the advice. I'm still nervous about calling.

Quote from: Metora on July 19, 2013, 10:53:43 AM
Yeah, I get that. My friend is saying I should call up one source and just say I'm looking to become a better person, and get a therapist that way. I'm not really lieing as I am seeking to better myself. But we only get like 12 free sessions. After that I'm on my own. I really appreciate the advice. I'm still nervous about calling.

You should definately know in 12 sessions. Probably more like 3.

Nervous about calling? I feel ya' hon. But just take the leap. You owe it to yourself.