I can't sleep and refused to take my meds because of a fly in my tea (which is how i take them, i can't swallow).

Quote from: CalmRageMusic on July 18, 2013, 03:09:09 PM
Why am I still here? Why does it not leave. It is not real, it can not be real, it is impossible, i can't get away from my personal demons, they follow me everywhere. There is no escape, but one day there'll be one escape that i hope i'm not going to try again, which would finally bring me peace though, what a beautiful thought. What is calming me down right now is listening to a bit of Janis Joplin.

I used to freak myself out asking myself these questions too and trying to escape what I saw as impossible. Eventually, I was able to deal with it by balancing skepticism and belief in my reality. It's been a huge relief.

my stupid new computer has Windows 8 - nothing on it works right - any time I try to email it throws it to some stupid utility that won't let me email some crappy thing called outlook which is useless

Quote from: vegie271 on July 18, 2013, 06:00:16 PM


my stupid new computer has Windows 8 - nothing on it works right - any time I try to email it throws it to some stupid utility that won't let me email some crappy thing called outlook which is useless

Oh dear I'm so sorry.. Have you ever considered Linux? It's not perfect but seems to be much kinder to computers and you can get stuff done.

Quote from: StellaB on July 18, 2013, 06:07:39 PM
Oh dear I'm so sorry.. Have you ever considered Linux? It's not perfect but seems to be much kinder to computers and you can get stuff done.

I love unix - used it a long time ago, but you want me to throw away $1,500 worth of software that I have and reformat a computer that I have that currently has a brand new current warranty? for the next 2 years?

Internet connection playing up on me 

That Caleb and Keaira are having a bad time with other.

Because they are both gorgeous people who have opened their hearts to me when I needed help, my heart is open to both of them so they can hide in there and meet each other again.

Cindy

My gender feelings are killing me at the moment as they are worse than ever
I hate it. Why do I have them!
I hate being who I appear to be and just want to be me.
It make me so lonely and unable to move on with life.

I don't feel I can deal with this by myself.

Quote from: Cindy. on July 18, 2013, 09:22:52 PM
That Caleb and Keaira are having a bad time with other.

Because they are both gorgeous people who have opened their hearts to me when I needed help, my heart is open to both of them so they can hide in there and meet each other again.

Cindy

Awww. *hugs* You don't have to worry about us. It was just a lovers quarrel that's all. I love Caleb to pieces. He was worried that I just liked him for possibly the wrong reasons when in actual fact I like him for him, regardless what his body is like. He's smart, cute, polite and caring. I'd take him home to meet my parents and they would love him. ^_^

I really want to be close to someone. Not in a sex way or even a romantic way. I just want to have someone I can be there for and who can be there for me.

Get back to work after five days off to find my immediate supervisor got the punt. He's been running our unit defacto for over 10 years despite having to work under several incompetent managers.

I really detest our new management team. I really want the f-out of health care, but no options yet until after transition.

Quote from: Edge on July 19, 2013, 11:32:11 PM
I really want to be close to someone. Not in a sex way or even a romantic way. I just want to have someone I can be there for and who can be there for me.

I know the feeling

Hugs

Quote from: Edge on July 19, 2013, 11:32:11 PM
I really want to be close to someone. Not in a sex way or even a romantic way. I just want to have someone I can be there for and who can be there for me.

I'll second that.

I hope you find the person you're looking for.

I woke up at 3:30 pm and all I want to do is just go back to bed and keep sleeping. Yesterday I woke up at 6pm and had pretty much the same feeling. And the only reason I woke up was because my Daughter called to be picked up from work. Caleb and I had another fight last night too.

Quote from: Edge on July 19, 2013, 11:32:11 PM
I really want to be close to someone. Not in a sex way or even a romantic way. I just want to have someone I can be there for and who can be there for me.

I feel the same way. Every connection I had with the few people in my life seems severed or changed.

I'm too afraid of engaging other people to even know to become to begin. Maybe I don't even want to, so I should just embrace isolation and wait for transition to take me to a point where I feel ready to re-enter the world

Someone was interested in buying a bed skirt from me and I tried to plan to meet them when I think my mom would be sleep, but right at the time I'm supposed to meet them she decides to cook so I tried to book it without her knowing but she caught me.  I still made the sale but I had to take a major nagging about how meeting people to sell them things is dangerous. There's risks to everything of course but the ladie I met was actually super nice.  My mom wants me to stop selling online though.  She wants to know why I need money so bad but I don't want to tell her it's because of top surgery.  I highly doubt she is going to foot me the 10+ grand I need for it.  She tells me that I need to get a job which I fully agree, but the hiring process can take up to a month so I need to be making some cash on the side.



Ugh!  I can't even enjoy my little $5 that I made.

You should be proud of the money you saved, Malachite. It takes so much willpower to stash away almost every cent like you have - all the birthday money, found money, money from selling your items. Your total is hella impressive considering none of it came from a paycheck. I always give in to temptations like eating out, buying random crap at Walmart, and so on, so I think you should be really happy with what you've accomplished.

Quote from: Ketchup Packet on July 20, 2013, 05:14:17 PM
You should be proud of the money you saved, Malachite. It takes so much willpower to stash away almost every cent like you have - all the birthday money, found money, money from selling your items. Your total is hella impressive considering none of it came from a paycheck. I always give in to temptations like eating out, buying random crap at Walmart, and so on, so I think you should be really happy with what you've accomplished.

+1 I'll add my amen to that, we're proud of you Malachite!

Thank you Caleb and Shantel.    I deeply appreciate the amount of support I get on here.  It really does make me feel better when my mother makes me feel unhappy.

having the longest bout of dysphonia I have ever had!

God I hate it.
I just want it to go away