So since June 5 I have been seeing this guy. I really like him. But sometimes I am not so sure it's equal. We haven't had sex yet and that is hard in general with being pre-op. And I have been staying with him on and off. I stayed with him for like three weeks and it was great but then he said he needed a break. I guess I understand I mean we really just met. But the problem is I am so emotional. Since we haven't seen each other in a couple days I have been crying so much. I haven't cried this much in like five years. There are other things to that make me think it won't work out and just problems he has in general that are unrelated to me.

I am just not sure what to do. I replied to this guy that messaged an ad I have up and it feels like cheating. I guess it kinda is. But not really. We are not like exclusive. Part of me wants to tell him just to make him jealous. We were about to have sex the other day but didn't. I am just so scared that I am going to lose him that I feel like maybe I am doing things to push him away.

This is the first time I have dated a man. And only the sixth time I have dated. The girls always broke up with me because I am too feminine and not interested in sex with them, which makes sense since I like guys. But at that time I was really hoping dating would make my trans-ness and gay-ness go away. So being in a relationship with a man is just so great because I can just be myself. I can't tell you how great it feels and when I am with him the sun shines in my bedroom and the rain it only starts when he goes away.

So I guess my question is has anybody had any luck becoming less emotional? I actually thought HRT was making me a little less emotional by easing my GID and it kinda has but now it feels like it is coming roaring back. I just hate crying so much. The other thing is how do you not push someone away. I can by clingy and smothering. And I don't want to be it just happens. I guess if you have any thoughts please respond. I'll be able to clarify my rambly post in a reply.

Plus I'll never find a guy with a penis as big as his! Seriously he is HUGE! It is like nine inches of deliciousness. I'm a sucker for a big penis! Okay I'm just bragging now...

Quote from: Joanna Dark on July 22, 2013, 12:41:20 AM
This is the first time I have dated a man. And only the sixth time I have dated. The girls always broke up with me because I am too feminine and not interested in sex with them, which makes sense since I like guys. But at that time I was really hoping dating would make my trans-ness and gay-ness go away. So being in a relationship with a man is just so great because I can just be myself. I can't tell you how great it feels and when I am with him the sun shines in my bedroom and the rain it only starts when he goes away.

I can relate with this a lot.  I dated a couple women and had the same kinds of problems in the relationships.  Being majorly turned off by sex is just not very helpful for a relationship it turned out.

I was emotional before HRT, like you, but after... wow.  It's the intensity, how you feel things all the way to your toes and when you cry it's a river that just won't stop.  Also crying at happy things was a new experience for me, but that's besides the point.  I have no idea how to tell you to control your emotions, I have had zero success with it.

If you feel like it isn't going to work out with this guy, maybe you should talk to him about it.  Use your intuition, do you feel like he really just needs some space, or is it that it is just not working out?  The clingy, smothering thing can freak some guys out.  Maybe if you gave him a little space, things would get better?

Also, big penises are usually not great for trans women, at least for post-op sex .

Quote from: Jen on July 22, 2013, 12:58:48 AM
I was emotional before HRT, like you, but after... wow.  It's the intensity, how you feel things all the way to your toes and when you cry it's a river that just won't stop.  Also crying at happy things was a new experience for me, but that's besides the point.  I have no idea how to tell you to control your emotions, I have had zero success with it.

I know right! I thought I was actually getting less emotional but boy was I wrong lol That's so funny I cry at happy things too now. I never did before. I cried a lot but only when sad or or something bad happens to me or someone else. But I kinda like it.

Quote from: Jen on July 22, 2013, 12:58:48 AM
If you feel like it isn't going to work out with this guy, maybe you should talk to him about it.  Use your intuition, do you feel like he really just needs some space, or is it that it is just not working out?  The clingy, smothering thing can freak some guys out.  Maybe if you gave him a little space, things would get better?

Also, big penises are usually not great for trans women, at least for post-op sex .

I feel like a lot of it is spending too much time together. I mean we ahve only known each other for not even tow months and we spend the better part of July together almost non-stop. So it's intense. He literally said he needed a break from me but tried to reassure me that it's not a bad thing he just needs some alone time. I totally get that. Maybe he is getting freaked out I'm not sure. I haven't called him or texted him in day or so because I'm trying to show that I'm not so needy. But it is really hard and then I get sad he doesn't text me. Gawd I'm such a girl.

Yeah I never thought about the size of the penis and how I will be post-op. Hmm. That would be great if I stay with him that long. He does say things that hint he wants to be with me for the long run. He talks about moving away together or getting a car and going on the road or moving to Florida and travelling the country going on amusement parks. We both love roller coasters. I mean we have a lot in common and I guess that is my big worry. Will I ever meet someone like this again? Is this my only shot at love? Actually that last one is a big thing. I've been thinking this is my only shot and I better not screw it up.

There prolly is no way to not be so emotional. I guess it is just who I am. I have embraced it for the most part.

I've been there Joanna. I used to be jealous, clingy, dependant(on the relationship not the person) and devastated when it would end and refused to let it go. Something happened and I changed and instead of just jumping in I would sort of ease into a relationship a little at a time.

I started thinking more of the here and now instead of the future with someone. Sort of like, this person like me and I like them so let's go have fun. Before it was like, I wonder if they will like me tomorrow and then the next day? Are they going to hurt me? What do they want from or expect from me? And many other questions. When my mind turned more to what do I want to do? Are they good for me? Are they too clingy or posessive? Can I totally be me around them? and you can imagine the rest. It may sound a little selfish but there are two people in a relationship and you really are the most important one in the beginning. In another words, don't give your heart all at once but share it a little at a time. A little bit of a heartbreak hurts but not as much as the whole thing being shattered all at once. Also make them share theirs a little bit at a time too.

Once I started thinking that way, heartbreaks still hurt but not as bad. I was more independant than clinging and the jelousy that I used feel practically dissappeared. This has helped me with guys and girls.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on July 22, 2013, 12:41:20 AM
So since June 5 I have been seeing this guy. I really like him. But sometimes I am not so sure it's equal. We haven't had sex yet and that is hard in general with being pre-op. And I have been staying with him on and off. I stayed with him for like three weeks and it was great but then he said he needed a break. I guess I understand I mean we really just met. But the problem is I am so emotional. Since we haven't seen each other in a couple days I have been crying so much. I haven't cried this much in like five years. There are other things to that make me think it won't work out and just problems he has in general that are unrelated to me.

I am just not sure what to do. I replied to this guy that messaged an ad I have up and it feels like cheating. I guess it kinda is. But not really. We are not like exclusive. Part of me wants to tell him just to make him jealous. We were about to have sex the other day but didn't. I am just so scared that I am going to lose him that I feel like maybe I am doing things to push him away.

This is the first time I have dated a man. And only the sixth time I have dated. The girls always broke up with me because I am too feminine and not interested in sex with them, which makes sense since I like guys. But at that time I was really hoping dating would make my trans-ness and gay-ness go away. So being in a relationship with a man is just so great because I can just be myself. I can't tell you how great it feels and when I am with him the sun shines in my bedroom and the rain it only starts when he goes away.

So I guess my question is has anybody had any luck becoming less emotional? I actually thought HRT was making me a little less emotional by easing my GID and it kinda has but now it feels like it is coming roaring back. I just hate crying so much. The other thing is how do you not push someone away. I can by clingy and smothering. And I don't want to be it just happens. I guess if you have any thoughts please respond. I'll be able to clarify my rambly post in a reply.

Plus I'll never find a guy with a penis as big as his! Seriously he is HUGE! It is like nine inches of deliciousness. I'm a sucker for a big penis! Okay I'm just bragging now...

I can only imagine what you are facing.  The tears tell me you're facing an avalanche of grief, about all the journeys with men you have glimpsed and--just for that brief, shining moment--seen and then felt them all snatched away by circumstance.

I once had a person tell me "take strength in your vulnerability".  That's not about shutting vulnerability down, but quite the opposite.  Yes--you are pushing him away a little--by not sharing that you are quite taken by him.

Be daring.  Declare yourself and your beautiful vulnerability.  If he is falling in love with you, that is precisely the 'spice' that he already loves about you and that will make him love you more.  If he is turned off by vulnerability--

ditch him sista--he's going to be hard work and you're going to have to hide all the best parts of our nature and you'll turn into something you won't like about yourself.  You will also feel alone when you are with him, and resentful at his selfishness.

And - really - if he is nine inches!  Please!  he's used to being told 'be careful what you do with that thing!' take ownership of your body.  When that thing is inside you, I'm sure you can get used to really getting off on that, but--really--that needs time and your mouth and assertiveness to say OUCH!  NOT YET!

You're beautiful - because you cry.  That's what makes you adorable and lovable.  Be you.  That's enough.  And for those who it's not enough for--ditch them--they don't deserve you.

Kind regards
stav

Joanna, I'll give you the hard truth. I've done that before and you appreciated it, so I hope you'll take it in the vein it's intended now.

You are dependent on this gentleman for your happiness. Learn to like yourself in other  ways. Develop other interests. Don't ever ditch an outside interest or a friend just to be with him. Fit him in amongst the rest of your life, not vice versa.

You need to have a healthy self-reliance in order to have a healthy relationship. There just isn't any way.

I hope this helps, Joanna. You're a beautiful, sensitive soul and deserve to be happy but unfortunately there are no shortcuts.

Joanna,
       HRT increases one's emotional sensitivity. I see kids coming back from the Mid-East with no arms and legs on TV and just explode into tears, I can't watch a chick-flick without boo-hooing, I was never like this before HRT. I tried the boyfriend thing once out of sheer curiosity and decided that back door entry is a one way operation and otherwise a damned good way to wind up with AIDS. Had a pre-op girlfriend that got amorous in a hot tub, she died of AIDS before she could ever realize her dream of SRS. Once she became HIV positive she was turned down by SRS surgeons. Be careful Joanna, life is short and there's no sense in ruining what time you have.

Quote from: Shantel on July 22, 2013, 10:19:09 AM
Joanna,
       HRT increases one's emotional sensitivity. I see kids coming back from the Mid-East with no arms and legs on TV and just explode into tears, I can't watch a chick-flick without boo-hooing, I was never like this before HRT. I tried the boyfriend thing once out of sheer curiosity and decided that back door entry is a one way operation and otherwise a damned good way to wind up with AIDS. Had a pre-op girlfriend that got amorous in a hot tub, she died of AIDS before she could ever realize her dream of SRS. Once she became HIV positive she was turned down by SRS surgeons. Be careful Joanna, life is short and there's no sense in ruining what time you have.

Well, you could still date without being sexual in that manner.  So it's not like you have to avoid guys.  But I take it your married, so I imagine this is a moot point,lol.

Also, anal sex isn't harmful if practiced safely.  Sexual intercourse of any kind has it's risks with all of the diseases out and about, but it can be much less risky if one uses protection.

Joanna,

I have followed many of your threads because I feel we have some similarities.  One thing I have noticed is that you tend to allow other people to rule your emotions.  It's okay to enjoy being with someone, but you need to be happy for who and what you are without requiring their acceptance or closeness.  If you feel you need his love in order to feel happy, you are heading down a bad path.  Remember what happened with your ex?  Don't allow yourself to get too attached where you feel you require others for your own happiness. 

Having said that, there is nothing wrong with liking this guy and desiring to have an intimate relationship.  Most people have these feelings.  You aren't the only one.  So it's normal because everyone allows passion to overtake their emotions at times.  Just don't let these feelings overcome or defeat if they take a turn for the worst.  You need to be able to preserve in emotional struggles.  Have fun and enjoy yourself, but don't get to attached where you require the approval of others for your own happiness.  I wish you well.   

Quote from: stavraki on July 22, 2013, 09:39:13 AM
You're beautiful - because you cry.  That's what makes you adorable and lovable.  Be you.  That's enough.  And for those who it's not enough for--ditch them--they don't deserve you.

Lol it's funny you should say that he said the same thing. So I don't want to give off the impression it is one way or something. He is prrolly nicer to me then anybody has ever been except for maybe my ex. So there is that.

Quote from: suzifrommd on July 22, 2013, 10:02:55 AM
You are dependent on this gentleman for your happiness. Learn to like yourself in other  ways. Develop other interests. Don't ever ditch an outside interest or a friend just to be with him. Fit him in amongst the rest of your life, not vice versa.

That is kinda true. I would say he makes me happy more then I am dependent on him for it.

Quote from: Shantel on July 22, 2013, 10:19:09 AM
Be careful Joanna, life is short and there's no sense in ruining what time you have.

I am careful. But I like sex. So kinda unavoidable.

Quote from: learningtolive on July 22, 2013, 10:49:00 AM
I have followed many of your threads because I feel we have some similarities.  One thing I have noticed is that you tend to allow other people to rule your emotions.  It's okay to enjoy being with someone, but you need to be happy for who and what you are without requiring their acceptance or closeness.  If you feel you need his love in order to feel happy, you are heading down a bad path.  Remember what happened with your ex?  Don't allow yourself to get too attached where you feel you require others for your own happiness. 

I feel like becoming so attached is like this natural progression for me. That's my problem. I don't know how to stop it. But if the choice for me is being like this or never loving I will choose this. No matter how hurt I get. I love love lol

Just give him some space... If he truly is yours he'll be back and if he dosen't come back, well... saddly he never really was yours to begin with.    You both need your personal identity intact and the independent parts of your lives for a relationship to flourish as 'unit'.       You can't miss someone if your always in contact or around them 

I hope things turn out for you.   The tighter you cling to something the faster you can lose it sometimes.