One trap I find myself falling into a lot when discussing dysphoria is getting into specifics. As in being asked, "Well, what's wrong with being male?" and every answer I give being met with some alternate explanation. Don't like being treated like a dude? Hang out with the girls! They don't accept you? Hang with the guys! Etc.


I realize people who do this are trying to be helpful, but most of it boils down to "I don't believe you when you say you don't feel male." And that kind of hurts.

Any suggestions for how to handle these situations? I hate getting cornered like this.

I think there comes a point where you just need to tell people that it isn't up for discussion. I used to try to educate people, but those days are long gone because I just got comments like that. I found they weren't asking me to understand better, they were asking me to dissect me and possibly convince me why I am not actually trans. They had already made up their mind and weren't really ready to listen with an open mind.

Usually what I say now is, "I think it's great that you want to know more about trans stuff, but it's not something I really like to discuss with other people. There's a lot of books and websites on the topic that you could check out though."

Quote from: Ketchup Packet on August 01, 2013, 03:16:08 AM
I think there comes a point where you just need to tell people that it isn't up for discussion. I used to try to educate people, but those days are long gone because I just got comments like that. I found they weren't asking me to understand better, they were asking me to dissect me and possibly convince me why I am not actually trans. They had already made up their mind and weren't really ready to listen with an open mind.

Usually what I say now is, "I think it's great that you want to know more about trans stuff, but it's not something I really like to discuss with other people. There's a lot of books and websites on the topic that you could check out though."

Totally agree with this.

You get some nutty questions, I've been asked at dinner parties what my estrogen level was and whether I have had surgery. Easiest way is to just ignore it as no ones business but yours.

Oh I responded to the questions to me by saying 'I'll tell you when you tell me the last time you gave your partner a ->-bleeped-<-." It sort of stopped the dinner conversation for a few minutes.  I really must stop being so shy and sensitive

Quote from: Cindy on August 01, 2013, 03:28:21 AM
Oh I responded to the questions to me by saying 'I'll tell you when you tell me the last time you gave your partner a ->-bleeped-<-."

LOL. I wish I had your guts. I'd love to give sarcastic/equally invasive answers.

Well, I'm a teacher by trade. And so I'm a very strong believer that #1, anyone can become educated, and #2, any question is an opportunity to educate someone.

If someone were to ask me, what's wrong with being male, that would be an occasion to educate them as the true nature of transgender. I'd say something like:

"When I'm transgender, it means the part of my brain that decides what gender I am, tells me that I need to be female. It has nothing to do with whether being male is good or bad. It means I'm wired to be female. It's not a decision I've made or something I prefer. It's the way my brain is built. There doesn't appear to be any way to change the gender someone's brain is wired to be, so when someone's brain is telling them they are living as the wrong gender, the best solution is for them to live as the right gender."

Just my opinion, Maria. I hope it helps.

Quote from: suzifrommd on August 01, 2013, 10:19:51 AM
Well, I'm a teacher by trade. And so I'm a very strong believer that #1, anyone can become educated

You've never met my mother.

I'm not saying flat out that she's stupid. Rather, she's stupid and too narcissistic to accept the fact that there are other things going on in the world outside of her own current perception.

I know that sounds cruel to say, but it's 100% true. I've showed her actual medical studies and research about different health issues I have an interest in, and she continues to treat me like I'm stupid for believing those things. Because scientific research is for fools, apparently. >.>

She's the person that acts this way the most towards me, and about everything, not just my transition. She tells me that I'm wrong, treats me like I'm a complete idiot and that I listen to whatever other people say, and then ridicules me for even thinking these things. I DIAGNOSED AND TREATED MY OWN HYPOTHYROIDISM AND WENT FROM A 34B TO A 34DD WITH FEMINIZING HERBS, and yet she still refuses to believe that any of these things even happened.

Obviously, I'm an emotional wreck on the inside after being raised this way, constantly being told that I'm wrong and stupid. And when I confronted her on that subject and told her that she constantly puts me down, she responded BY PUTTING ME DOWN YET AGAIN, and then faked a suicide attempt with BENADRYL to make me feel bad about "treating her like ->-bleeped-<-".

Now, if FOX NEWS were to tell her all these things, she'd believe it.

Thanks, everyone, for the great posts.

Ketchup Packet: Definately, I think that in the end, I just have to bite down and say "This isn't up for debate. It's there, it's real, and it is making my life miserable!"

Hopefully in a more thoughtful way, though. That's the other problem: not turning the discussion into an argument out of frustration! 

I have been asked what is dysphoria. What it is like being transgendered. How I know I am TG. What is E like. Can you take T to be more of a man. My favorite is when did you find out.

I just try to explain. The questions are in private and genuine and not said to hurt. I refuse to give my TG narrative (I think in order to know you need to live it).

I was asked by a Senior Benefits analyst, how should we communicate we now cover SRS and related surgeries. I replied that in the weekly announcements state same.

HR Senior Support person asked when I was going to come out ( I had in the past said I would come out in 1 year). Reason was the HR department has no experience in the subject. I said I know exactly who can help and they have a legal team for support. Next day my boss asked when I was planning to come out (told him again). I think they were in shock when I first told them or they talk about me and the "situation". My evaluation is next week; I cannot wait to find out.

Oh, yeah  Loved the Take nore T! idea. Suppliments that were supposed to boost T made me feel something, but it wasn't better!