Today I am a bit depressed (more like a neutral state for much of the last 20 years or so) and my libido is almost non existent for the last couple of days (thank god) and I was thinking about posting my background to see what people thought.

While thinking of what I would try to say I realized that today I am probably at my most masculine. Today I am more comfortable being referred to as male then female though I don't care either way and perhaps tomorrow it will be the other way.
Do I want to go to therapy: no
Do I want to start hormones: no
Do I want to come out to friends and family: no
Do I want surgery: no
Do I want a vagina and breasts: Yes

I am thinking now that even at my most negative towards my own transition it is the journey that I am against not the destination.

To those that are confused about their own journey all I can say is post your thoughts. Most times I post my feelings or thoughts I find that I have to look inwards fairly deeply and discover more about myself.

sure would be nice to live in the universe of Harry Potter wouldn't it? solve a lot of our problems  I wished I could just wake up the right way many times in my life, never did though.

I also hated the journey, but I needed to make it, I still have not had SRS  may never get it, but at least I have the life of living as who I am, it is the compromise I reached after years,

Well, this is a good place to start talking.  Everyone has opinions, and when they conflict with your's you can discard them.  The girls here may have questioned my ideas and decisions, but one ever judged me.

K

I have to admit the other night while walking home I found that I was smiling for no particular reason which hasn't happened to me in a very long time. Although I was smiling on my passport picture and it looks more like grumpy cat

Before I started on HRT there were times in my past where I felt the same way as yourself.  I even tried to deny it more than once and before I knew it I was back to wear I was in wanting to go through everything.  I even tried the military and what a failure that was.  Oh well we always learn things as we go through life.  At my lowest I alienated my best friend because of it but months later I came to my senses and admitted my failures with her.  The thin is afterwards we picked back up like nothing had happened.