I've been wondering this for years, more so within the past couple of weeks. The reason that my analyzing it has escalated is that I have my first hrt appointment next week and I want to be sure that I'm not making the worst decision ever. Unfortunately, the more you analyze something, the less clear it becomes. I've been kind of looking at what's true and what's not and trying to decide if I need to keep that appointment. This isn't really something where I can say I'll just give it a shot and if it doesn't look good, I'll stop with no ill consequences.

Left to my own devices, I am without a doubt a woman. If there was no threat of "you can't do that" from society, I would do it in a heartbeat. I think that's the real clincher here and really what I should be focused on, but for some reason those other opinions still count for me. My personality is totally different between being in girl mode vs male mode. As a woman, I feel better about myself and have vastly more confidence. I also actually care about the way I look and my health. As a man, I try to keep a low profile so I don't appear threatening, I couldn't care less what I look like, and insist on habits that slowly kill me with no real desire to prolong my life.

So based on my own experiences, no you can't be talking yourself into being trans. But you can be talking yourself into not being trans, at least temporarily.

It's just as easy to ask, 'am I just talking myself OUT of being transgender?

And only the person can really know in the end.

I obsess and I can't stop thinking of things I want.

But every time I look in the mirror, well I can't see a woman. I know it is me, but, the face screams out not a woman's face.

And I wonder, when will I finally see 'me'. What am I waiting for to appear?

Part is nervousness, and of course part is worry I will fail to get any measure of successful result in wanting to pass. I have avoided seriously trying on a wig because I am worried it will finally slap me in the face with 'see, you look like a guy wearing a wig, did you expect something else?'.

I ask myself, 'what's the point to all of this'. Would it really matter if I pulled down my pants and there was a vagina in them, if the clothed me looked like a guy with an interesting secret inside my pants?

The thing, is, it might be just me talking myself into not doing anything.

Which is why I say, you might need to be careful thinking all the talking in your head matters.

You need to decide who you really are.

Quote from: Emily Aster on July 31, 2013, 07:42:19 AM
I also actually care about the way I look and my health. As a man, I try to keep a low profile so I don't appear threatening, I couldn't care less what I look like, and insist on habits that slowly kill me with no real desire to prolong my life.

So much this...

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on July 31, 2013, 07:44:52 AM
It's just as easy to ask, 'am I just talking myself OUT of being transgender?

That's an interesting way of looking at this... Yes, definitely, there's this fear of not "measuring up..." And that's probably part of the reason.

And, today I just had a few hours totally to myself, and one thing I did was trying on a dress I've bought on sale yesterday. I didn't do any kind of make-up, my legs weren't shaven, in other words I didn't even pretend I'm trying to pass, I just wanted to see how it fits me... And then I thought... "What if a guy could just go out like that without anyone questioning his masculinity? What if that was the latest in male fashions? Would I still look in a mirror and want that stuffed bra to be something else, and my waist to be thinner, and all of that? Do I like myself in it so much (I ended up wearing it for hours) because of what it is, or what it represents? " Ok, I didn't think these words, but you've got the idea.And no, even if a guy in a dress was the most yawnworthy sight in the world... I'd still want something else.

Quote from: ac110 on August 01, 2013, 07:21:49 AM
And, today I just had a few hours totally to myself, and one thing I did was trying on a dress I've bought on sale yesterday. I didn't do any kind of make-up, my legs weren't shaven, in other words I didn't even pretend I'm trying to pass, I just wanted to see how it fits me... And then I thought... "What if a guy could just go out like that without anyone questioning his masculinity? What if that was the latest in male fashions? Would I still look in a mirror and want that stuffed bra to be something else, and my waist to be thinner, and all of that? Do I like myself in it so much (I ended up wearing it for hours) because of what it is, or what it represents? " Ok, I didn't think these words, but you've got the idea.And no, even if a guy in a dress was the most yawnworthy sight in the world... I'd still want something else.

I do that with women's clothing too. With men's clothing I just buy it, rip off the tags and throw it in the wash. With women's clothing I feel the need to try it on and admire myself in it (without a mirror). I feel like I look better in women's clothing and I feel like it's just me when I'm sitting on the couch in it. I also find that when I do happen to look in a mirror while wearing it, I notice a much more feminine face. I don't know if that's psychological or some optical illusion from the colors and shapes, but I like it.

Quote from: ac110 on August 01, 2013, 07:21:49 AMWould I still look in a mirror and want that stuffed bra to be something else, and my waist to be thinner, and all of that? Do I like myself in it so much (I ended up wearing it for hours) because of what it is, or what it represents? " Ok, I didn't think these words, but you've got the idea.And no, even if a guy in a dress was the most yawnworthy sight in the world... I'd still want something else.

You sound like you've found your answer 

Quote from: Silvermist on August 01, 2013, 07:48:04 PM
You sound like you've found your answer 

A large part of it, anyway.