We have a number of new members, which is great, whatever way we are 'transitioning' we share similar or different problems and experiences. Some times new members want to know what it is like and what happens.

I want this thread to look at PRACTICAL matters; what does life mean as a trans*person? in daily terms. Forget the emotional personal relief. What does it mean?

I want this thread to be a sort of question and answer thread.

Firstly I use the word "Transition" because it is easy to understand and is widely accepted.

I'm a woman. I was born with male genitals.

OK going on to HRT etc is easy (see above) what happens next?

I live everyday as me, a normal woman in society. I do my make up (I'm old and need the help) wear smart clothes because I'm a professional person I have to present well. I have to do my hair, straighten, style, etc. If I look bad I let me down.

I drive my car and I park in a safe place. I never used to think about that.

I can't carry heavy objects, my upper body strength has gone. What does that mean? Flat tyre/tire I can't change it. Lock myself in the car and call for help.

No male privilege, - I'm ignored. (Not for long in my case  )

I'm treated as a woman. - Ye, but think about it.

I need to do my hair, nail, etc - because I want to- do you want to do that every month etc?

I cannot - not  be a woman for every second of every day. There is no. "Oh that was nice lets go back."

I'd like thoughts of other people of any gender direction who are now living their true gender to comment.

I don't want to put people off, just to think and weigh the consequences.

Now that I am physically seen as a woman, on a hot day I can no longer take off my shirt/blouse and go topless. I can no longer not wear a bra which adds another layer of clothing on those hot summer days.

Quote from: Bethany Dawn on August 01, 2013, 07:41:29 AM
I can no longer not wear a bra which adds another layer of clothing on those hot summer days.

According to wikipedia, that's not true; there might be a health benefit for going braless!

Quote
There are two studies that show going without a bra can reduce shoulder pain and one that wearing a bra can actually increase the amount that breasts sag.

That said, I think that I won't go braless even if it might be healthier; at least if I were to choose right now. But right now it's rather an academic question...

It means I'm tied to a stricter schedule of pills and preparation - get ready before I go out, worry about my appearance, have to get it right... Come back home and take pills at the same time each day (or close enough)...

Food is a mixed blessing anymore. I have to monitor my weight much more closely now, and it can be fiendishly difficult maintaining a balance, let alone going down.

People interact differently with me - mostly in a positive way. I can't open doors anymore - both in that they're really heavy and that guys open them for me on a regular basis, and give me really funny looks if i forget myself and hold the door for them. Random guys I don't know say hi to me. I get a lot more smiles.

A lot of fashion related elements are somewhat problematic - maybe one in three 'eh, it fits' shirts actually fits and looks good with something. There is, of course, the matter of not repeating clothes too often, and of finding new varieties, and jewelry (I just ordered my first ever necklace), and makeup and shoes and it all gets rather complicated.

Getting used to guys staring at my chest while walking down the street, and staring at them while talking to me. I mean, it's cute the first time or two, but it gets old pretty quick...So I have to learn to (mostly) ignore it, otherwise it's like chasing your tail...it's perpetual, and you'll just get dizzy after awhile.

Also, people (strangers) asking about your genitals.

Work, for me, was a smooth and effortless transition thanks to good people I work with, and a generally accepting population.

Wife and kids left (teens) me (but I expect they'll be back).

OK, my little input about what has changed for me so far - the practical aspects. I still present myself as male, but there are things which I cant ignore anymore for objective or rather subjective reasons
1. My skin needs moisturiser - I never really cared about that much before, but after the HRT I physically feel that it tightens if not properly moisturised. That means day cream and night cream, plus one extra to carry around in my bag.
2. My hair is in the awkward stage, when it looks terrible if left "just to be". I need to use styling foam, hair spray, two different brushes + I need some of these around at any time, which means extra items in my bag. Since it is too short to keep straight under its own weight, I need extra time in the morning to get that sorted out. It can be partially tied down, but that only solves the problem with regard to the back of the head. Behind ears – sometimes its such a mess Worst part - it REALLY BOTHERS me knowing it's a mess...
3. As I said, I present as male, so having A cup is an issue. No swimming for me – I would look totally out of place in bikini or swimsuit.... To counterbalance this – I dont need bra currently. I can even jog without sports bra, though when doing this kind of exercise, I need to cover my upper part at times, because they tend to get perky...
4. Nails are softer, skin is softer – I need to be careful about what I do. I cant recklessly bump into things and objects, because I get bruised and grazed and they JUST DONT HEAL AS FAST AS THEY DID... Bumping my bewbs into something, including my own knee, when squating, is not cool either.
5. I tire down easier  and apparently some of my triceps is gone, which means when I recklessly pack my carriage with products and then unload into plastic bags... there can be some nasty surprise about HOW HEAVY ALL THOSE THINGS ARE!!!! At times, I need to use my RFID card to get inside building, the doors are a bit heavy and I have to pull my bike inside as well at the same time, while I have those seconds for opening the door - it can really be an issue, but usually guys like to help me out - they dont see me as female, but I take their help with gratitude
6. I seem to get picky about my wardrobe and I just cant wear some of the outfits which used to be fine for me before. My heart just bleeds seeing me in them.

But nevertheless, in general, I just go on with my life. It is not like ,,WOW. I am transitioning every day, hour and second. There are a lot of things to be done and You are not going to mental exercise about if You are doing them as a woman or whatnot – You just go on with Your life. Estrogen changes Your perspectives and there are a lot more colors, smells and other sensory stimulations, but in general, Me is me, and I am just trying to be happy and spread that happiness around me as well. I hope I can make it through

Quote from: ZoeM on August 01, 2013, 08:24:02 AM
It means I'm tied to a stricter schedule of pills and preparation - get ready before I go out, worry about my appearance, have to get it right... Come back home and take pills at the same time each day (or close enough)...

My endo told me that even a couple of hours wont make any big difference.

Learning you might end up hating some things you liked and liking some things you hated.

When I flipped the switch, made the choice, came to my resolution decided to stop being a fake male, I did actually evolve some.

I used to dislike baking, it was woman's work. I used to think fairly classically old fashioned.

I just dropped 60 bucks in baking supplies for my mother's 80th birthday party. 5 Years ago the idea of me making 5 singularly unique cakes from scratch All within 48 hours would have made me laugh.

Learning to see humour differently, and learning that some friends will support you in funny ways. My one friend likes 'treating me like a woman' in a classic fashion. Not because he is genuinely an old fashion person (he's only half my age), but because he knows the comments are silly and yet fun, because it is an overt display of acceptance of me as a woman. Get in the kitchen and make me a sammich wench!

You see things slightly differently. Gamer girls are no longer something to chuckle about, as I AM a gamer girl.

I find myself unwilling to not fix my hair after coming out of a windy day.
I really do care if I wore this shirt yesterday.
I appreciate the value of wearing perfume, not to mention, my clothes never smell sweaty and smelly any more. The perfume tends to retard the effects of body odour.
I learned that made for a man, and strong enough for a woman was suddenly hilarious for my Ladies Secret under arm deodorant

I have learned, that you suddenly realize a lot of things differently as you have basically opened the world up to a different view point, because regardless of how long you have 'known' you were not what you looked like you were, odds are you were raised that way, and it's not easy to purge the habits.

For me the biggest issue has been hair. If we were a completely bald species, my transition would be a cakewalk.

* Laser and electrolysis take an eternity. For the next several years, I will need to put heavy makeup on my face whenever I leave the house or risk not passing.

* I have not found an effective way to eliminate or mask the body hair on my chest, shoulders and back. This means that most female upper garments are off limits to me. Even for modest collars, I need a scarf to cover up the remnants of the (epilated) hair on my upper chest.

* I need to shave my arms, legs, hands and any other exposed areas thoroughly, at least once a week.

* My pattern baldness means that I need to wear a hat or a wig whenever I exit the house. I generally opt for a wig because it frames my face and gives me a much more feminine appearance. I keep a hat by the front door in case I need to answer it.

For me its mostly what has been said. Getting used to a bra was a challenge, especially in hot weather, but now I would feel naked without it. Make up, nails, hair, and coordinating outfits takes time too. Had to learn to be safe ad well, be aware of my surroundings, careful of where I go and when. I don't go drinking with the guys anymore.

I think pre-transition I was no different to most other people in that I was concerned about passing, getting treatment, I was worried about what other people might think of me, and so much more.

Now further along the process of transition, and after some successes and failures I can honestly say I think I know what the key issue is.

The key issue if you're MtF is finding the answer to the key question:

What makes you the woman you are?

What is it that makes you the woman who you are? What makes you stand out as a woman?

This is key to your acceptance. Looking like a woman or feeling female doesn't cut it, because most people expect the substance as well as the style. Only a few will be interested in your story or explanation, but most won't and by the time you've got to the half way point in your childhood most will have lost interest and walked away.

If you can give people the answer to this question then it doesn't really matter how well you pass and the choice between stealth and being out or open is a matter of personal preference.

In my case one of the things which makes me the woman I am is that I never give up. Generally speaking women don't quit. I don't have a timeline at the bottom of my profile because I'm not watching the clock or calendar in my transition. Time doesn't matter, neither do the setbacks or the circumstances because no matter how long it takes me, no matter what I have to go through I'm committed to my transition to the very end as I am to my work and the people in my life.

Another thing which defines me as a woman is that I'm a lady. I have carefully crafted my persona on the 'good lady'. I pay attention to courtesy, manners, decorum, being articulate and I hold very high standards for my own behaviour oand conduct.

I have replaced being aggressive with being assertive, cut out the swear words, and have learned to pick and choose my battles. It's become extremely important for me how I come out of a situation and I make sure that usually it is with some degree of dignity and class. Most people believe that I am very highly educated and have a university degree. I don't. I'm a college dropout and spent much of my life pre-transition as a social misfit.

I pay attention to my appearance. I dress to suit the occasion and can change what I'm wearing up to three or four times in one day. Unlike most people I dress down for work when I'm working with people but I also work from home and when I do, I get up, get ready and dress as if I'm going to work in an office. I have high water bills because I bath or shower usually twice a day and i like to wear clean clothing every day.

I have completely eschewed male social privilege. I rarely go out after dark alone and if I have to it's never in a skirt or dress. I have developed a thick skin and am not bothered by the condescending tone used by men when giving advice in the hardware store or computer store.

Another reason why I'm in no rush with my transition is that I'm only doing it once. I've invested quite a lot in my socialization among cisgendered women and spent some time in domestic service living in as a housekeeper. As a result I can be quite the domestic goddess and I can sort, arrange, multitask, cook, wash, clean, and iron on a par with any cisgendered woman of my age.

This has made me much more responsible. i don't need any of the freedoms and male social privilege because I'm quite happy with those more associated with women. I'm now free to be openly intuitive, to make much more use of my emotional reasoning and intelligence and I'm free to express my inner individuality.

Name, I was in a meeting and my Therapist called (Name programmed in my phone) to tell me that section if the city lost power and the center was dark; I should text her when I arrived and she would get me.

When the phone rang her name came up, Cynthia crossed my mind. I was in panic, she only knows me by Cynthia. How do I answer the phone. I promised HR and my boss I would not disclose further at work for 1 year. Ring 3 I had the same panic feeling when I go into the wrong bathroom.

Ring 4 I said hello. There was a long pause and then an awkward conversation start. Later that day we laughed at the incident and how we both felt and why.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on August 01, 2013, 08:14:35 PM
I was in panic, she only knows me by Cynthia. How do I answer the phone.

This was a big issue pre-full-time. It was one reason why full-time living was such a relief for me. I didn't even know what voice to use when I answered the phone.

I got chewed out by my gender therapist for not using "Beth" when she called (As in, "Hi, this is _____.") She expected me to be "out", I think. Or at least comfortable with the name...I was out (at least with the wife, but not teh whole darn world!)



Oh well, after that I started coming out anyway.

After I'd more or less reconciled my feelings on all of this, I did some digging around on the internet in search of a TS friendly therapist (so I could get my letter because I didn't have any doubts about what I wanted to do.) I went to a therapist covered by my insurance first and she didn't know anything about TG people so I ended up walking out. I was lucky enough to have the support of my family who had to pay out of pocket so I could see the therapist I'd found on the internet who lived in the city. I guess I got lucky there, too.

I got help from an activist group to talk to the staff at my high school and my name was changed on the records before it was changed legally. I was in the awkward position of explaining to everyone who knew me that I was going to transition but mostly, people just noticed on their own and confronted me with rude questions.

Post-transition (basically):

Now that I pass all the time I don't really have to worry about that. I don't consider myself "stealth" but I don't really bring up my transition because it isn't really relevant to anything and it just seems like an invitation for uncomfortable questions. I can find men's clothes that fit decently, but it's hard to find shirts that fit well on my frame. I'm not comfortable with being affectionate with my boyfriend in public because now it looks gay and people will sometimes yell "->-bleeped-<-!" out of their cars if I do. But no more catcalls when I walk down the street alone, which is really nice for me. People don't pay as much attention to me now that I'm not a pretty girl to stare at, which I also like just fine because I am shy.

As for strength, I am a little stronger. But I am thin-framed and I don't work out which makes me a shrimpy guy so that doesn't get me any extra respect. I still like the same kinds of things which includes girly type things with feminine designs and now I feel a little weird about buying and having them. Oh, and acne. I went from 120 lbs. to 130 pretty fast when I started T and I've dropped down a little bit since (probably because I stopped exercising). Even though I weigh more, I find it easier to control my weight. It seems like guys give me more respect from the beginning when I talk to them too.

I wrote a lot but actually things didn't change very much for me at all. The biggest change is that I am happier in general.

For me, 'transition' means to redefine my life so that I can live it according to my needs, desires and wishes, rather than those of other people.

Being born with female genitalia meant that my family presumed they had a daughter, and that my job in life was to live up to that expectation. My mother dressed me in frilly dresses and put bows in my hair because she was enamoured of the idea of her 'pretty little blonde girl'... even though she'd noticed by the time I was 18 months old that I was even more boisterous and assertive than my elder brother. I certainly didn't act like a 'pretty little blonde girl', but not to worry - my folks figured they could beat that out of me and I'd eventually start to behave myself.

I came out to my family at age 5, but was dismissed as a 'tomboy'. This is the flipside of being FAAB but male-identified: yes, we do get a certain amount of welcome relief from our dysphoria by being able to present as tomboys... but the label of 'tomboy' is also used as an invalidation of our gender identities. It's difficult to convince your parents that you're really a boy in a society where tomboys aren't unusual and are expected to just grow out of it.

When my dysphoria persisted (and indeed worsened) during puberty, instead of my family figuring out that there might just be something to it, they blamed me for not being able to conform to the norms that were expected of me. Everyone knows that tomboys are supposed to grow up & get over their tomboy feelings and start presenting as girls when they're teenagers; I was made to feel like it was my fault that instead of getting better, I just got worse.

My whole life up until last year was about trying to live up to other people's expectations of what I was supposed to do, how I was supposed to dress, how I was supposed to behave... just so that they could comfortably place me in the little box they'd devised for me, labelled 'she'.

No longer.

I refuse to pretend to act like a woman.

I refuse to wear women's clothes so that I can fit in at work. It made me feel very uncomfortable to do so.

I refuse to have people call me 'she', 'her' or by the name on my birth certificate, because each of those things stings me like a slap across the face.

I refuse to spend the rest of my life unable to look at my own reflection in the mirror, because when I see the wrong features there it makes me want to cry.

I refuse to burst into tears at the drop of a hat because of my confounded hormones.

I refuse to become a 'little old lady'.

I refuse to die having spent my entire life in a (perfectly healthy) body that I despise, having never explored my identity or been able to engage in my sexual orientation due to the lack of appropriate equipment.

I refuse to be what they want. It's time for me to be what I want.

That's my transition. If my family, friends and other loved ones want to join me on the journey, I'd be absolutely delighted to have them alongside me. But if they can't bring themselves to be part of my life? Well, I'll miss them terribly. But I have to live my life for myself, because this is the only life I have and there's no 'Undo' button.

Transition is about finally saying 'no, this is not me, THIS is me' and not giving in.

My mother has told me, 'I never liked that house' the family home I grew up in that always felt like home to me. But I was too young to remember the other supposedly much nicer home.

She lived in that home for 35 years, and with age and failing mobility and my dad losing the option of driving, they moved to Ottawa. Reason being my brother and sister lived there, and both drove and thus would be 'accessible'. I have never driven a car, and never will. I was not a convenient option as a result. Mom moved back to town almost 2 years ago. The home she co owned with my sister, had even more stairs (which she feel on once too), and thanks to her grand daughters becoming adults and moving out and my sister always at work, mom was basically always alone all day after dad had passed away.

So I have a lot of solo chats with mom now, as my routine day is go for a walk, end up at moms eventually during my walk. I have nothing to keep me from visiting. And we chat about a lot of things. Including how she hated that house and detailed chats about how it had always been about dad making all the decisions and one of them being insisting on a house being built where it had been built and the design involved. We had some dreadful neighbours too.

I once asked her, so why did it take you 35 years to finally ditch it, and it obviously required you to need a solution that was forced on you by dad not being able to drive. I don't think I have ever really gotten an answer to why she waited so long.

The point to all of the above..... you are not more transgender just because you 'realized' it at a pre grade school age when most of us have barely mastered the wonderful skill of not ->-bleeped-<-ting in or shorts. Under 10-12 years of age, most of us are lucky to be aware of almost anything at all. The thin between your legs, well we tend to know it is why mom puts one set of clothes on us or the other. We don't tend to know a great deal of the why it matters. And we certainly are not aware of the full purpose of that part in the scheme of things. Being told, that is where babies come from is a poor excuse of an explanation. Seriously.

I can look back on my life, and I can see, that some of the things I have done, did, liked preferred in retrospect and with the benefit of hindsight, would have been potential clues. But hey, transgender persons can be clueless like the rest of humanity eh. I thought it was just me being 'weird' or 'different'. I am weird and different in a great many ways about a great many things that have zero to do with my being transgender. It was easy for my transgender aspects to get masked and disregarded and not noticed for what they actually were.

I have likely 'known' I was a transgender female for a very long time, and was simply unable to know. Before the internet, my access to information was seriously stunted. Before the internet, people were mainly rated as homosexual or heterosexual or freak. There weren't any other flavours or labels or definitions. On the street, dressed as I do today, I'd have been labeled a freak as I am clearly not gay.

Times change, and we learn more and things become clearer.
Transgender is not a new invention, we were just never aware.
The world was once flat too.

I am sure we have a lot of people present that can modify the question with... what was it like to transition 10, 20, and 30 years ago?
I am sort of ok with not knowing what it would have been like to be transgender in 1980.

It is hard transitioning at 51, but it is a lot easier transitioning in 2013.

"It is hard transitioning at 51, but it is a lot easier transitioning in 2013".

I transitioned in 2011 and I was 62 at the time.  I couldn't transition in my youth as there was no such thing.  People were divided into "normal" and "queer".  I certainly didn't want to be a "queer", so I had to be "normal".

I have been struggling a bit with this issue of going stealth.  At least I do have the option.  My feelings now are that I will explain my past if there is a need to do so.  It's a bit difficult to join a choir and sing bass without giving some sort of explanation!  Otherwise it's not relevant and none of anybody's business.