I'm due to start uniersity in September and I'm excited but at the same time I'm really really scared. I've been in contact with the university and discussed my trans status and that I would like to start as male. They appear very supportive of this and aid it will be fine to change my name on the system even if it isn't legally changed. I know somewhere it will have to say my birth name because that's my legal name, but changing it everywhere else I'm really appreciative of. The lady has offered to meet up with me before my course starts so that we can discuss everything properly and I'm keen to take her up on this offer. It's not exactly the university I'm worried about, it's that somewhere my birth name may pop up or say I'm biologically female and everybody find out. Now, I'm not going to kid myself and say that I pass all the time, because I don't, but I'm hoping that I can get away with saying I have a hormone problem until I can start T. If that doesn't work, I don't mind telling some new friends I am trans, but I don't want to be a laughing target for everyone because quite frankly, I don't know how I'd stick up for myself. I'm also worried about if I don't make friends or if people don't want to be seen with me. I'm probably just over thinking things, but I have no idea how people there will treat me. If I get bullied, I'll hate it and want to go home. I should be excited and I am, but it constantly feels like the way I was born is getting in the way of everything. If anybody has any support or advice I'd really appreciate it.

Hey,

I'm about to start my third semester at university, myself, and I'm a bit nervous as well. Last semester, I started dressing more as a guy, though not all the time.
I'm still registered as my birth name and such, and I doubt that's going to change any time soon, unfortunately.

Anyway, the biggest piece of advice I can give you is to start building a support base early. Talk to your professors and make friends, and start feeling people out. I suggest you see what they think of LGBT issues in general first. I got lucky - two of my professors were obvious LGBT allies, and so I started to talk to them, though email and by staying after class. At the end of the semester, I came out to them as trans, and they were both awesome about it. Now I have two allies on campus that I know I can go to.

I can't give you much advice about talking to your peers, as I'm terrible at it! But I am a member of one club, and that lead me to the LGBT group, so maybe try something like that?

And if you ever want to talk about university, or anything really, feel free to message me!

Who did you contact to get your name changed?

Thanks Evan. Luckily I know they have an LGBT society there so I will probably join that. It's hard to make friends with people who will be there because I can only do it on Facebook and I haven't come out on facebook yet so I'm still using my birth name. Therefore I'm trying to avoid all contact on facebook. I'm not sure who my professors are yet, but I know I will have a tutor who I can talk to. Thanks for the advice.

Soren, I emailed the department they have for all things to do with student welfare. I outlined my situation in an email and about my name changing but not legally changed and they said they can't see it being a problem and they will contact my faculty to arrange the change. I have asked them to let me know how and when that has been changed. I am still in the process of communicating with the welfare people to put all the support in place for September and I will hopefully have a meeting with her soon.

Quote from: Joey. on August 02, 2013, 08:47:05 PM
Thanks Evan. Luckily I know they have an LGBT society there so I will probably join that. It's hard to make friends with people who will be there because I can only do it on Facebook and I haven't come out on facebook yet so I'm still using my birth name. Therefore I'm trying to avoid all contact on facebook. I'm not sure who my professors are yet, but I know I will have a tutor who I can talk to. Thanks for the advice.

Soren, I emailed the department they have for all things to do with student welfare. I outlined my situation in an email and about my name changing but not legally changed and they said they can't see it being a problem and they will contact my faculty to arrange the change. I have asked them to let me know how and when that has been changed. I am still in the process of communicating with the welfare people to put all the support in place for September and I will hopefully have a meeting with her soon.

Faculty? Do you mean the RAs or whatever or the teachers you're going to have too? (Just curious, I've been trying to find a better way than telling each teacher at the beginning of the quarter- they tend to make assumptions based on legal name no matter what your preferred name is)

I'm not sure what the RAs are? A faculty is like the department so she was going to contact them prior to me starting so that it can be changed on their system I think. I'm not 100% how she's going to do it or what she's changing it on which is why I've asked her. Hopefully the meeting with her will clear it all up too.

Quote from: Joey. on August 02, 2013, 09:08:18 PM
I'm not sure what the RAs are? A faculty is like the department so she was going to contact them prior to me starting so that it can be changed on their system I think. I'm not 100% how she's going to do it or what she's changing it on which is why I've asked her. Hopefully the meeting with her will clear it all up too.

I think RAs are what they call the people that manage dorms. I go to a community college, so I'm not entirely positive about that.
Oh so she'll be talking to the registration people?

Ah ok, on my accommodation application I stated that I'm ftm trans and said I'd feel highly uncomfortable being placed in single sex dorms so would like to be in mixed flats. I'm sharing a bathroom but the same woman spoke to them and they said it's completely enclosed so I'm happy with that. Yeah I think that's who she's going to be talking to.

Quote from: Joey. on August 02, 2013, 09:19:25 PM
Ah ok, on my accommodation application I stated that I'm ftm trans and said I'd feel highly uncomfortable being placed in single sex dorms so would like to be in mixed flats. I'm sharing a bathroom but the same woman spoke to them and they said it's completely enclosed so I'm happy with that. Yeah I think that's who she's going to be talking to.

Sounds good.
I would recommend something to block light when you sleep and either earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones for when you study.
If someone misgenders you, use a really sarcastic/condescending tone and say "oh, yeah. I'm totally a girl. Can't you tell by my long, flowing hair and buxom chest?" (make sure you're wearing a binder if you say that).
Also, if you hang out in the library and someone tries to start something, the librarians'll shut them up.

Joey, don't worry, everything will be fine. 

Likely, your name won't casually come up, it'll be your preferred name on all the attendance sheets, your school e-mail, correspondence, and so on. It'll only say your birth name on legal documents that your friends shouldn't be seeing anyways.

Like Evan says, find support early. Join your schools LGBT organization, or if you're going like completely stealth at school, find a LGBT group outside of school but close enough to make some friends who might not be affiliated with the school.

Of course you might come across homophobic people, but universities (well. . . at least ones I have experience with) are generally accepting places. If people don't like something, they usually won't start crap (well. . . unless alcohol is involved). If someone does, just tell them to f*** off, or have a few pre-thought out things to say like Soren suggested. Just try to think of a variety of situations and decide what would be the best thing to say to people -- what you say really depends on your type of personality and what you can pull off, so think of what would sound natural to you instead of just looking solely to what others suggest that you say. Always leave parties if you think things might be getting out of control, and don't worry about trying to look like a badass, people probably won't remember much in the morning anyways.

But, focus on your studies, don't party much, join some clubs, exercise, eat right, and you should have a good 4 years ahead of you. 

Obviously I can't speak for everywhere but University are generally very tolerant places. I teach at Uni and both staff and students have been fine. Staff certainly are under strict instruction to be totally non-discriminatory and we are also advised to help any student at any time with gender and sexuality problems.

In my case that is an easy ask!!

If you do have problems let your Profs and course coordinators know straight away. It is a waste of time holding stuff in and letting it get to you. But we can't fix things we don't know about.

Man, it's like you posted the same topic as I wanted to do too, lol!

I'm starting at uni in september as well, and I have now just registered myself with my birthname (I had no idea what to do. Besides, what if I get a letter directed to me with Erik on it. My parents will see and be like "WTF!?"), and don't really know who to contact, etc. to tell them I'm trans. I also don't really dare to, because I have no idea how they will react...
Okay, university is probably a pretty accepting place, gladly, but I've been bullied a lot in the past. I thought I transcended that. I thought I stood above that now. But the thought that I MIGHT be bullied again makes me all scared. I'm probably just enlarging stuff in my head :/

Also... I dunno whether I should tell them I am a biological guy with a hormone problem (the fellow students, I mean, not the staff), or whether I should just be open from the start and tell I'm trans (I actually don't want this, obviously. But I'm very scared to tell anyone I'm biologically male, 'cause I mostly don't pass :/)
Some part in me is afraid to be the 'odd duck' from start once again -something which I've been almost all my life-, but another just wants to be who I am without any fear :/

But anyway, good luck to you too Joey! Sounds like you've already taken the biggest steps

Erik and others,


Please don't take this as rude, but in University no one cares.

You are young and you are growing and the staff know and care. Believe it our not

Your stress is yours

Erik,

Usually you contact the Dean of Students and/or the Registrar's office (I would start with Dean of Students) about stuff like that, large universities (and even small) have LGBT policies. I've been to 3 or 4 colleges/universities so far, and at all of them, on the application I could specify a "preferred name" and a "preferred gender". If you applied using one name, you can give the Dean of Students a call and tell them your preferred name/gender and ask them to put that on their records. Unless you're going to Bob Jones College or maybe an all-female college, you shouldn't have any problem. 

If you're afraid your parents will see mail with your preferred name on it, you can see if the university goes paperless now and just have everything e-mailed to you, you could also see if they could just register attendance and school username under your preferred name and then send official mail to your parents house under your birth name. If they can't mail stuff to your parents house under your birth name if they change their system to reflect your preferred name, get a PO Box. PO Boxes aren't very expensive, where I work we have two PO Boxes, one small and another large, and we only spend maybe $100/year on both. A small one should be good enough for you and that should be significantly cheaper.

Also, you might want to see if your school has an LGBT student organization, you might be able to find it on their website along with a student or faculty contact. You can send them an e-mail before school officially starts and ask them about how trans-friendly the school is before you start in the fall.

College is very different than high school.  The way people interact is much more and open.  Sure, there are more conservative schools, but most universitys are accommodating to trans students.  Yiu should be okay.

Though,  I understand your fear.  I plan on going to grad school and will be applying to my undergraduate school as one of my choices.  The fear I have is that I was close and respected by members of my departments faculty.   I'm a bit terrified about coming out to everyone,  especially my mentor who I had a special relationship with.  So I feel you.

Thanks everyone. I think I am just worrying too much. Like Erik I've been bullied a lot so I'm afraid of it happening again. In my home town I'm always bullied so I worry it will happen everywhere I go. I think I need to just be a bit more positive and realise not everyone is the same.

Quote from: Joey. on August 03, 2013, 05:57:08 PM
Thanks everyone. I think I am just worrying too much. Like Erik I've been bullied a lot so I'm afraid of it happening again. In my home town I'm always bullied so I worry it will happen everywhere I go. I think I need to just be a bit more positive and realise not everyone is the same.

I find that if you expect something to happen (especially the negative stuff -- and of course, excluding winning the lottery  ), that it will happen. If you think you're going to get bullied, you'll have the air of victimization about you, that'll attract unwanted attention. Think of going to school as a fresh start, imagine yourself making lots of friends, having fun, getting good grades, instead of expecting the worst.  It might take some time to find your place, but don't let that discourage you.

That's a good point actually. I do that in exams, if I think I'm going to fail, I usually fail, but if I believe I can do well I do well. Thanks for the advice