I'm a passionate believer in the concept that there's no difference between online and offline because words comes from real people and can inspire very real emotions of fear, hurt and anguish.

As someone who is trans I know only too well just how devastating even a simple negative remark can be to your self-esteem and self-confidence.

I believe that most people use the Internet responsibly as a powerful resource for research and communication. But some people don't, and it's also become a haven for bullies, bigots and others who vent their dysfunction on others as nasty keyboard warriors who use the Web as a weapon to hurt, terrorize and demean others.

It doesn't matter whether it's online or offline, words come from real people and cause real pain. Often you cannot respond and just as often it's unwise to respond. My advice in such cases is never to engage and always to record, report, block and delete.

My intention here is to create a thread where we can disempower these people, vent, share and find support within ourselves.

I will start the ball rolling with a couple of mine..

'It should be legal to kill people like you. Nobody should be charged with murder for killing a ->-bleeped-<-. You are all freaks.'

'Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you and is laughing about you. We share your ugly photos on our phones.'

What's your's?

That's heart-breaking 

I think people forget there's a real person typing on the other end because they often have never seen or literally spoken to them in the flesh. Thus, there's a high ability to cut connection.

I take "being ugly insults" hard, whereas other hurtful things won't bother me; "you're a mug", for example. I find losing touch with people stings a lot too.

I've found it is way more easy for people to be bullies and such on the internet than off. Yeah, they may give you looks and stares in real life but far more people are willing to type a bunch of hateful stuff than confront someone face to face. Unless they are in groups and feel fairly safe when confronting one person.

As for words that hurt me on the internet. I don't really think there are any. I always see these people typing the crap as being losers locked in their basement, dressed in their underwear with old food stains all over their Tshirt and typing away trying to make someone feel bad about themselves while stroking their own egos. I'm way more "beterer" than that. Or... teenaged kids just being mischevious by starting a conflict.

In real life, I hate the "C" word and people being rude either by actions or speech. Trans related or not.

This is so true, but it took me some time to figure out. 'Ur a man' initially hit hard until some cisgendered female friends told me that they got this too. I got annoyed that anyone would use the term 'man' as an insult and see calling someone a man demeaning, but then figured that they weren't very bright anyway.

Now I see it as not just trans folk who transition but some cisgendered folk too, from Neanderthal to homo sapiens. They're usually stealth unless they decide to out themselves.

Sometimes I see misguided, ignorant paternalism about it - as in, "those poor transsexuals" - "don't they know they have no hope?" I think many of these people have no idea what i possible now with surgery and hormones

I expect this sort of attitude to continue to shift though, and as people like the above come around, there will be more pressure against the comments intended to be hateful. Sorta like how 5 years ago people could still get away with random homophobia in conversation and even in the media, but now anti-gay comments evoke the "did you really just say that?" reaction among an increasing number of people.

Of course, the Internet will be the last place to see any of this kind of progress - but you can't really do much about the level of intelligence that exists in the cess pool of comment sections as seen on youtube and news sites, and awful people will probably always have blogs or whatever where they are way too hung up on hating on trans people

I usunally get more hurt on people IRL than on the internet cause I know alot of people writte wierd bullsh't on the net so I dont take it that to seriously, But I will admit if comments either go to me or someone I know or just something concerning my rights then I get pretty annoyed like newspapers comments almost always makes me angry..

heres some of what I got dirrectly to me:

"- no you're a girl"

"- no, you are not a transexual, transexuals wear wigs and dresses"

"- had it been 100 years ago you would be on the bonfire as the witchs, you should burn in hell, if I find you I will cut your hand off with my sword.
(in a youtube decribtion I recived) "- I sended this to a transexual ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-**t, who belived to be christian, so ridiculous.."

"- so you been a girl and now you got both a penis and vegina, yeah yeah and I been on the moon, you are crazy bye"

(one of my friends friend responding to me) - well untill he gots a sexchange surgery I will not call him she"

There two appear regularly on our local internet portals as soon as articles about transgender are posted there...

"There should be laws passed requiring you all to wear identifying badges - to make sure that some poor unsuspecting fellas wont run into something like you while having fun during the party".

"If You want to undergo surgery to become a woman, then You are crazy, What is the next step? Someone will imagine that he is a dog or cat and will demand a surgery too?"

I got:

You're a MAN (Many times many places, most common)
Travelo, ->-bleeped-<-, ->-bleeped-<- and all its equivalents
This is a MAN (Girls talking among themselves)
What the ->-bleeped-<- is THIS (In niteclubs)
What is THIS (By a staff in Dubai Airport)
What the h€ll is this CREATURE?
->-bleeped-<-got, ->-bleeped-<- and all its equivalent that exist

People also tried to snatch my wig too in a bus before, throw bottle ok Coca cola on me, and humiliated massively seen by many people in bus stations like many times when there are a herd of transphobic/homophobic apes. I've been humiliated so much times verbally that I've lost count.

I wish I could do like her and beat up all ->-bleeped-<-s who treat us like ->-bleeped-<- in public. Kudos to her! 
->-bleeped-<- Kicks This Guys Ass!

Let's remember the TOS:

11. Foul or obscene language, and/or subjects belongs on the street, Please do not bring it on to my site.

I kinda wanted to post some of the post on articles in the media but there too many.
its very annoying reading articles because often its either myself or other I know being there and it get very personal.
in general to sum up my hate comment/agument is. "why do we bother - they have enough right already - why should we care about a minority - why should the goverment pay those - when do they pay us back?" bla bla bla
it preview transgenders as being spoiled brats who just want everything simple because they ask for the same right as everyone ells .

IRL usunally I dont get hate dirrectly on me because more over my head because people think im cis:
---
(a classmate saying her sister who was intersex died in birth) "it was probably the best" "yes, it wouldnt be worth living being a freak of nature not being a boy or a girl"

(a guy agumenting agenst the law that transgender must be sterilized to change there name from a gender to the other.)
"well maybe I wanted to be called A, but that not a name and I cant be called it so isnt that also discrimination? its just about how we grew up, you belive we are born so? thats interesting, I mean people in Iran isnt raised to be gay and theres no gay people there"

said on meeting. "well we have to refuse permission to threatment because there mental ill in there head, ex, people with autism can not get permission to sexchanges" we do that because we belive its for the best.
person agumenting: "but theres only 3 people who changed there mind in 30 years, so why have suck strick rules on who can get permission to change there gender and not?"
response "I think its the agument why its so immportant, had we allowed more people to do so we would have much more who regreted transition."




--

There's one I hear sometimes usually from ciswomen, it doesn't really hurt but shows ignorance when it comes to trans issues, "Why would anyone want to be a woman? Men have so many more opportunities, make more money, don't have to worry so much about their looks and wieght." And the list goes on as to why.

Quote from: Natkat on August 02, 2013, 12:47:22 PM
I kinda wanted to post some of the post on articles in the media but there too many.
its very annoying reading articles because often its either myself or other I know being there and it get very personal.

The worst part is when you read something that has absolutely nothing to do with transsexual people and suddenly there's a transphobic cheap joke thrown in there for laughs out of the blue that is completely unwarranted.

Example:


why the hell is there a transphobic joke in an article about buying used cars on Craigslist (the caption for the picture under #4)!?! The fact that it came out of the blue and was casually thrown in there is what really hurt, especially on a website I've been reading for years. I'm kind of avoiding the author's articles now.






Removed link per policy.

Quote from: CallMeJess on August 02, 2013, 02:04:52 PM
The worst part is when you read something that has absolutely nothing to do with transsexual people and suddenly there's a transphobic cheap joke thrown in there for laughs out of the blue that is completely unwarranted.

Example:

why the hell is there a transphobic joke in an article about buying used cars on Craigslist (the caption for the picture under #4)!?! The fact that it came out of the blue and was casually thrown in there is what really hurt, especially on a website I've been reading for years. I'm kind of avoiding the author's articles now.

Removed link per policy.

I don't find those hard on the net but pretty hard IRL, like if you sit in the classroom and out of sudden theres transphobia out of nowhere.
-
For the media I mean when I read comment about people I know and personal caises and its very hard with people being agenst, ex a doctor who where in the media for making a surgery on a ftm, and then the media made a poll if it was right or wrong debating if he should be charged or not. it was very hard to read people saying he should just go to jail cause I been talking to him and everyone invold and his a very nice guy.

also when one of my friends where about to be deportated for being trans to a country who was dangerous for lgbt people there was alot of ignorance in media like. "just send him out of the country, its his own fault for dressing as a woman, daim those lazy people belive they can get away with everything"
worst if you do petition and go around asking. "hi do you want to save a friend of mine, she is to be deportated to a country who would kill her"
"why?"
"because she is transgender and.."
"oh we arnt interesteed"
or some guy who said.. "she probably deserved it..."
--

But ironically I belive one of my worst statement also is people saying.. "we are so openminded" or "we live in such a openminded country so and this is the limit"
it just b*ll->-bleeped-<-.

*** TRIGGER WARNING!!! ***

My adopted mother was the master of the cutting remarks! My sister got them to, though she was 'normal' but the really sharp ones were reserved for me!

About age 8 when I insisted that I was/needed to be a girl: "You are defective. I should have taken you back!" (to the adoption agency)

About age 15 when a shrink pronounced me homosexual and suggested testosterone therapy, I flipped and refused. When the shrink suggested that therapy could be done against my will, my mother said "You are SICK! You should be in an institution!" That scared the s##t out of me!

When I was about 19 and knew SRS could be done in Europe, I mentioned having surgery and getting married. My mother  responded "Who would ever want YOU!!??"

One of the stupidest things she ever said was when I mentioned SRS would leave me infertile but able to have intercourse: "If you can't have babies, why would you ever want to have sex???" (I felt sorry for HER!)

When SRS had become available and I was planning to go: "If you leave this house, you are never to come back and never have contact with anyone from this town again!" (I foolishly abided by that for many years until I realized she had no right to make that demand for other people.)

The last thing she said to me, before I walked out of the house forever was when I told her I HAD to have surgery because I had been suicidal for years: "It would be better if you killed yourself!" (I realize SHE had a bigger problem than I did! I left, had surgery, and started life over in a different place.)

There were many more, a lot of little things almost every day but those are the ones that cut to the bone.

While this hasn't hurt me, it kind of bothers me:

At work the other day, I was eating lunch with the secretaries and somehow the topic of gay people came up (maybe it was because gay marriage just became legal in our state or something) and one secretary said "I don't care what people do, I just don't want to see these gay people in the marriage section of the newspaper, don't they realize that people don't want to see that?" Dumbfounded, I kept eating my wrap, she's one of those older ladies that arguing with won't make any difference. Then, of course, trans people come up, where most of the secretaries went on about how trans people must have a mental illness and how people shouldn't let children transition, etc. The older lady secretary started going on about how bad she feels for the parents that have to deal with these weirdo children. I tried to do a bit of educating but I don't think it made any difference.

I just don't understand it really, they have gay friends. How can you have gay friends and not support gay rights? I do understand confusion about trans issues, but I was a bit surprised by how nasty their comments got so quickly. They're usually such friendly people. Anyways, I am truly grateful for all the work our LGBT activist predecessors have done over the years, people must've been so much worse before.

Oh my Northern Jane, that's awful!  I am truly sorry you had to live with those remarks being hurled at you, especially by someone who should love you unconditionally.

My cousin posted this on my facebook page when I came out:

QuoteI do not embrace the all aspects of the transgender/transsexual POV as Sacred Truth. Personally I believe this action is a very grievous form of violence. Violence against yourself, against your wife and children, against your parents and extended family, against your psyche and body and being.

When I was about 7 or 8, or maybe 9, I was described as "pathology" by someone very close to me (because of my excellent hearing I overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear). I have forgiven that, but looking back... those words set me back and also had by far the most devastating effect ever on my personality, which lasted for decades.

Sometimes, the words that are meant to be supportive can also really hurt. I feel a bit weird about posting this here when there are more hurtful things that have been said to others (and to me) but I really feel the sting right now.

Last night I was talking to a neighbour, and a lot of things she said in conversation implied she knew I was trans. Well...I really needed some advice on how to handle a university situation so I decided to be "out." I said "From some things you said, I gathered you know I am transgender." She gave sort of this confident nod and said "oh yeah, I did!"

She's a lovely person. And she wanted nothing more than to be supportive and understand. Like me, she has a background in gender studies and she has met "gender-variant" (I say that because none of the people she met actually fully wanted to transition) people, so my small frame and appearance gave me away to her. But well, as nice as our conversation was and as much as I like her, I'm left hurting. In trying to be supportive she overemphasized the fact that I was born female. And it killed me to know that there are some people who will always "spot" me because they've been exposed to transgender or "gender-variant" people who like to share a lot. And because she was nervous she called me "she" in fear of offending me. And then her husband read me as female without even knowing I was trans. -_-

So I'm torn. These people are really liberal, and they mean well, and I know they want to be supportive of trans people. I think that's great. But it hurts, because I'm not someone who really is OK being seen as trans. It's not like being gay, where you just have to accept that "it's OK to be different" and you come out and then it's all fine because people accept you for who you are. Because who I am isn't trans, who I am is male. Trans, to me, i just an unfortunate accident that happened and a medical reality. Certainly not me as a person. I am starting to wonder if I am in a minority.

I remember one time, when I was about 17 or 18, my mother said, completely out of context:

"Transsexuals lead horrible lives. They start out sad and just get sadder. I hope for my children's sake that neither of them ever have to walk that road. I don't think I could handle it"

That comment alone probably set me back for years.

Maddy