Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on August 01, 2013, 05:58:13 AM
I'm sorry to keep talking about this, but my heart hurts so much. 

It started immediately when I woke up, and everything I see and hear is hurting.

I keep going through so many different emotions, all of them intensely horrible. In the space of a few minutes, I'm angry, depressed, pleading, numb, despairing.

I've been trying to bargain with my former partner to take me back, saying I'll stop transitioning and go back to being a girl, but he keeps saying that I would only be more unhappy and the relationship would probably still break down anyway. He's probably right, but I don't want to believe it. My transition is what's causing this split, and I desperately want to make it go away. I feel like if I just stopped the transition and went back to being the old me that he fell in love with, everything would be ok again.

I feel like I can't function outside of the relationship, and, given the state I've been in since Sunday, it's looking like that. I'm not eating, neglecting the housework, I feel like sleeping all the time, I'm finding it a huge struggle to make any of the arrangements for me finding somewhere to live etc, everything is terrifying and upsetting.

Every so often, a suicidal or self-harming thought creeps in, and although I'm just managing to keep myself from acting on them, I do dearly want to not be suffering anymore. I feel utterly broken, and I don't know how much longer I can cope with this constant pain and sadness. I have some kind friends who are trying to help, but nothing I try to do or say is making the pain go away. They tell me it'll be ok, in time, but when I have a history of self-injury and suicide attempts, feeling like this is dangerous, so recovery is very time-sensitive for me. I don't want to die, I just want the pain to stop.

Sorry about this, everyone. I'm devastated and overwhelmed, and I can't deal with it alone.

There's no need to be sorry. I am saddened to hear what you are going through. I can relate with everything a part from losing someone i love, but i can believe how devastating it is, i often wonder to myself how i would cope with splitting up. I cannot help but wonder though, why can this guy not be there for you as a friend?

Gamestop's false advertising and buisness practices

Mother told me I'm not allowed to wear eyeliner everyday... 

Still trying to brainstorm what I could use to ground myself and mostly drawing a blank.

I dont have internet right now. So I have been walking up to the library to chat with Caleb at the same time every night. Tonight he didnt bother coming on. I can stick to a schedule. Maybe I will return the favor in kind when he comes to visit again.   

My mother started getting upset with me because she said I turned my back to her when she tried to give me a hug.  I had no clue she was trying to do such a thing.

Quote from: Keaira on August 02, 2013, 11:50:30 PM
I dont have internet right now. So I have been walking up to the library to chat with Caleb at the same time every night. Tonight he didnt bother coming on. I can stick to a schedule. Maybe I will return the favor in kind when he comes to visit again.   

I told you why I wasn't there and I'm sorry! lol

Quote from: Makalii on July 31, 2013, 01:44:35 AM
Mother still strongly believes I'm not trans because I didn't exhibit tendencies of it when I was 3. Grrr...

For a fair percent of TG/TS people, the dysphoria is not readily apparent until they reach puberty.  Fact!

Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on August 01, 2013, 05:58:13 AM
I'm sorry to keep talking about this, but my heart hurts so much. 

It started immediately when I woke up, and everything I see and hear is hurting.

I keep going through so many different emotions, all of them intensely horrible. In the space of a few minutes, I'm angry, depressed, pleading, numb, despairing.

I've been trying to bargain with my former partner to take me back, saying I'll stop transitioning and go back to being a girl, but he keeps saying that I would only be more unhappy and the relationship would probably still break down anyway. He's probably right, but I don't want to believe it. My transition is what's causing this split, and I desperately want to make it go away. I feel like if I just stopped the transition and went back to being the old me that he fell in love with, everything would be ok again.

I feel like I can't function outside of the relationship, and, given the state I've been in since Sunday, it's looking like that. I'm not eating, neglecting the housework, I feel like sleeping all the time, I'm finding it a huge struggle to make any of the arrangements for me finding somewhere to live etc, everything is terrifying and upsetting.

Every so often, a suicidal or self-harming thought creeps in, and although I'm just managing to keep myself from acting on them, I do dearly want to not be suffering anymore. I feel utterly broken, and I don't know how much longer I can cope with this constant pain and sadness. I have some kind friends who are trying to help, but nothing I try to do or say is making the pain go away. They tell me it'll be ok, in time, but when I have a history of self-injury and suicide attempts, feeling like this is dangerous, so recovery is very time-sensitive for me. I don't want to die, I just want the pain to stop.

Sorry about this, everyone. I'm devastated and overwhelmed, and I can't deal with it alone.

You are under a lot of stress and sound badly depressed.  I really want you to talk to a professional as soon as you can.  Ok?

I got misgendered and it cut really deep. I cried in the shower and almost threw up on myself.

Quote from: Ketchup Packet on August 03, 2013, 03:26:10 AM
I got misgendered and it cut really deep. I cried in the shower and almost threw up on myself.

((Hugs)) Auntie Shan understands these things. Don't let it crush you, politely correct the perpetrator and move on.

Think I am getting a crush on someone on Tumblr and it sucks because they are not only out of my league but they are in another country so I'll never get to meet them.

Quote from: Shantel on August 03, 2013, 08:44:53 AM
((Hugs)) Auntie Shan understands these things. Don't let it crush you, politely correct the perpetrator and move on.

*hugs* I know, I have to let it go. I keep thinking to myself that it means everyone was just humouring me when they called me "he." But I got thinking, that's ridiculous. Are all the Walmart staff, airport staff, restaurant staff in on the scheme to humour the trans person when they call me sir? How about the male TSA officer who patted me down, felt my freakin boobs and sports bra straps, and still called me sir without even flinching? Were they all in on it?

No. So obviously this guy who misgendered me is stupid. I'm obviously a guy! I don't get it. How come it's that I can pass so flawlessly everywhere and then as soon as I go into "adult" territory I am read as female?? -_-

Quote from: Ketchup Packet on August 03, 2013, 04:48:48 PM
*hugs* I know, I have to let it go. I keep thinking to myself that it means everyone was just humouring me when they called me "he." But I got thinking, that's ridiculous. Are all the Walmart staff, airport staff, restaurant staff in on the scheme to humour the trans person when they call me sir? How about the male TSA officer who patted me down, felt my freakin boobs and sports bra straps, and still called me sir without even flinching? Were they all in on it?

No. So obviously this guy who misgendered me is stupid. I'm obviously a guy! I don't get it. How come it's that I can pass so flawlessly everywhere and then as soon as I go into "adult" territory I am read as female?? -_-

Cis men are usually pretty unconscious and rarely pick up on anything, so he's an anomaly. Just tell him "MALE" and let him digest it and gender you properly in the future, you don't have to live under the cloud he floated over your head. If he continues to be an ass, just go over his head, you want to put a crimp in it right away so that it doesn't continue on.

My friend's dad died today and I don't know what to say to him.

The fact that I woke up at 6PM.

One of the guys I follow on Youtube switched to injections. 

Big hugs for everyone who is having it bad today.

I let my imagination get run away with itself and sent a friend a panicked "what did I do to offend you?" e-mail. I feel like a twelve year old.

Maddy

Knowing that I may aswell give up on the person I like(a bit) since I will never get to meet them in person. Also just feeling down in general and not overly sure why.