So there is a small group of guy friends I hang out with, whom I would call my best friends. For a while now, since coming out to some people about my feelings, I've thought about asking these friends to refer to me using female pronouns when I come out to them. Sort of like "*explains everything* So, do you think you guys can refer to me with female pronouns?". The reason I ask if it's a good idea is because I'm still not fully sure about my feelings... Although, the thought of them saying "Can you pass this to her?" seems so right, and comfortable... It makes me wicked anxious to talk to them and to hang out with them simply because they will use the pronouns. But, sometimes I have moments where I think "that would be weird". And I'm afraid I'd tell them to use female pronouns and then a week later say "this feels a little weird, can you stop?" and then the next week say "actually, can you do that again?". But when I think about NOT asking them to, a part of me kind of dies inside... Almost as though the coming out process wouldn't be complete.

Just as an clarification, this group would be the first I would ask to use female pronouns with me. They'd be sort of like guinea pigs I guess before I would ask others to.

They would most likely balk at that idea if you haven't started hormones and/or started dressing the part.  assess where you are before asking others to relate to you in a way that is majorly uncomfortable for them, especially if you are not sure.

I thought the usual guideline was what sort of clothes are you wearing.  I have a friend who presents male at work and anywhere his wife is known, and female whenever possible.  I have to take a look and decide which name to use.

I think presentation is a good generally rule of thumb, though butch lesbians don't all like to be "he/him". I don't think it's a terrible idea, just unlikely to get it. I think FWIW, pronouns are MUCH harder than names.

--Jay

I had an "animated discussion" with a helpline colleague on Tuesday.  We had a call - obviously I can't give any details - the caller gave a name, so I gendered them by the name.  My colleague wrote the log about "the person" and "they said" and so on.  In a subsequent call the client identified as "thinking about transition".  My opinion was that the birth gender was appropriate.  Anyone have an opinion on this one?

Quote from: MaryXYX on August 09, 2013, 05:05:09 AM
I had an "animated discussion" with a helpline colleague on Tuesday.  We had a call - obviously I can't give any details - the caller gave a name, so I gendered them by the name.  My colleague wrote the log about "the person" and "they said" and so on.  In a subsequent call the client identified as "thinking about transition".  My opinion was that the birth gender was appropriate.  Anyone have an opinion on this one?

OK I think two different questions but related.

I have a male voice on the phone so get misgendered, so I just say I'm female with a deep voice. End of problem.

Fo mwandishi: there are places on this journey when you cannot turn back. You have to be sure that you are at a place you do not wish to turn back from.

People suggest I'm very strong, I'm not, I'm very committed. I don't care anymore what people think. I'm me, I'm happy and anyone who questions it can go to Hell in a bucket.

I don't care what anyone thinks of me.

Can you have that attitude?

We talk about RLE and sometimes we don't understand it.

But that is the crux.

Can you burn all the bridges? When you burn one, there is no re-crossing it.

Once you tell your friends you cannot un-tell them.

Cindy