Okay, I made 2 short videos. My camera cut me off in the first video so I made a second short video. But if there is anything I'm doing that screams female let me know or if I look female, let me know. Just keep in mind, I'm not comfortable talking on camera so if I don't look confident it's just nerves on camera.

Me 2

You look and sound fine. The only thing I can think of as the problem is something that won't be able to help you. You're very anxious and tense in the video, and also in your posts. Things would be easier if you were able to just relax.

So that's my two cents. Not very helpful to tell an anxious person to relax, but if you can find a technique that works for you it will help immensely.

Whoa! Totally a dude. The only issues I see are, you're probably uncomfortable and unconfident in public. If you slouch or shuffle a lot, in combination with the longish hair I can see why people might be confused. Happens all the time. You look like that dude from Jeepers Creepers, it's weirding me out.

Quote from: Nygeel on August 05, 2013, 09:28:46 PM
You look and sound fine. The only thing I can think of as the problem is something that won't be able to help you. You're very anxious and tense in the video, and also in your posts. Things would be easier if you were able to just relax.

So that's my two cents. Not very helpful to tell an anxious person to relax, but if you can find a technique that works for you it will help immensely.

Thanks. I think some of the anxiousness was being in front of the camera and not knowing what to say.

Quote from: Frank on August 05, 2013, 09:32:44 PM
Whoa! Totally a dude. The only issues I see are, you're probably uncomfortable and unconfident in public. If you slouch or shuffle a lot, in combination with the longish hair I can see why people might be confused. Happens all the time. You look like that dude from Jeepers Creepers, it's weirding me out.

Thanks. Yeah, in some public situations where there are a lot of people I might not have so much confidence.

QuoteYou look like that dude from Jeepers Creepers, it's weirding me out.

Really? Cool!

Seriously, I really can not understand why you get misgendered so much. There doesn't seem to be a single thing female about you. Even your voice, while a little high, is still male to me. If I remember right, you're short, but there's plenty of short guys out there.

Are you in an area where people knew you before you started to transition? That's the only thing I can think of ... like people remember you from before, even though you may not remember them?

Quote from: insideontheoutside on August 05, 2013, 10:03:49 PM
Seriously, I really can not understand why you get misgendered so much. There doesn't seem to be a single thing female about you. Even your voice, while a little high, is still male to me. If I remember right, you're short, but there's plenty of short guys out there.

Are you in an area where people knew you before you started to transition? That's the only thing I can think of ... like people remember you from before, even though you may not remember them?

This exactly.  You are a very handsome man (I'm jealous!).  You remind me of one of those guys on the Nickelodeon shows.  I'm thinking it's the area and you may just have to move if you don't want to be misgendered, if the people in that town knew you before.

Quote from: Malachite on August 05, 2013, 10:08:13 PM
You are a very handsome man (I'm jealous!). 

I'll second that ... you're really not a bad looking guy. I'm sure lots of guys would be jealous.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on August 05, 2013, 10:03:49 PM
Seriously, I really can not understand why you get misgendered so much. There doesn't seem to be a single thing female about you. Even your voice, while a little high, is still male to me. If I remember right, you're short, but there's plenty of short guys out there.

Are you in an area where people knew you before you started to transition? That's the only thing I can think of ... like people remember you from before, even though you may not remember them?

I don't get it either why I get mis-gendered so much. I mean, I pass more than I get mis-genered, but once in a while I will get mis-gendered.

Yeah, I'm really short.

I still live in the same area and the people who knew me before I don't bump into often, and if I do, they already know I'm trans, like my mother's friends. But other than that,  I don't know a whole lot of people and the store that I used to go into before my transition and I still go in now, the guy there probably knows I'm trans b/c I used to go in there pre-T, and he probably noticed some changes. The places I never go in or only once in a blue moon, they mis-gender me, it's weird.

Quote from: Malachite on August 05, 2013, 10:08:13 PM
This exactly.  You are a very handsome man (I'm jealous!).  You remind me of one of those guys on the Nickelodeon shows.  I'm thinking it's the area and you may just have to move if you don't want to be misgendered, if the people in that town knew you before.

Thanks. I just wish I could loose 30-50 pounds. I would feel so much more comfortable with myself.

Not many people knew me before. Just my mother's and grandmother's friends, that's about it.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on August 05, 2013, 10:11:20 PM
I'll second that ... you're really not a bad looking guy. I'm sure lots of guys would be jealous.

Thanks. I doubt it. I'm overweight. I need to loose 30-50 pounds.  I'm so overweight. That's why I hate to do videos. I can't stand the way I look on camera. If I was skinny, that would be different. Maybe I wouldn't look so bad.

You pass 100 percent. And are really good looking. I don't get how you would be misgendered at all. Maybe people are just being jerks. Sometimes people are that way to guys especially if they exhibit any form of femme behavior no matter how slight. That's all I can think of.

I think getting mis-gendered for an FTM can be more confusing this way because people call guys "she" out of spite and might do it so causally you just think you got misgendered. Happened to me all the time by exhibiting femme behavior and people would misgender me to make fun of me and these people knew I was MAAB so it's not like they suddenly forgot.

Hope you don't mind me dropping in but I felt like imparting some of my hard won wisdom of weird, passive aggresive male behavior. I feel like a cultural anthropologist. JK but seriously some guys do this and it is really really hard to interpret especially so if you haven't endured 30 years as a male. Though I guess for an FTM it wouldn't be described as endured as if you just completed some forced marathon.

As others have said, I think you pass so I don't understand why you get misgendered at all. It might be the hair, but even at that, I think it suits you as a guy.

I think dysphoria has a major grip on you. You pass just fine. You look young for your age but nobody in society knows your age. Maybe they pick up on your lack of confidence? I think your hair looks ok at that length and I'm being truthful when I say you pass. I wouldn't clock you in public and I'm usually good at picking out other transfolks.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on August 05, 2013, 10:40:55 PM
I don't get it either why I get mis-gendered so much. I mean, I pass more than I get mis-genered, but once in a while I will get mis-gendered.

How often is "once in a while"?  Because cis guys, especially with hair on the longer side, get misgendered what I would call every once in a while.

And don't be surprised if people you think don't know you do know you, because I've lost count the number of times people have come up to me and spoke to me whom I really don't know.  And they definitely know me, because they'd ask me how I was doing after an op I had on my hand a few years ago, or now they'll ask whether I've got my job or not, they know me, only I don't know them.

Have to agree with everyone else here, man. You pass perfectly fine. Alex has a point too, I know plenty of long-haired guys who get mis-gendered in public regardless of how masculine of a face they have. It's a quick assumption some people make without thinking when they see longer hair. I wouldn't worry too much about it, just relax and talk about whatever is on your mind. We're not here to judge you, not in the critical sense. We're here to help give you tips on how to pass better, but the only thing I see is that you've got a bit of a confidence issue. Other than that you're fine.

Quote from: Si on August 06, 2013, 05:13:53 AM
I think dysphoria has a major grip on you. You pass just fine. You look young for your age but nobody in society knows your age. Maybe they pick up on your lack of confidence? I think your hair looks ok at that length and I'm being truthful when I say you pass. I wouldn't clock you in public and I'm usually good at picking out other transfolks.

I'm guessing it's dysphoria too. I also have heard of cisguys esp with long hair being misgendered. It's kind of silly with the facial hair but it is what it is. Perhaps they aren't really looking.

--Jay

Seen the videos. Nice. If you've been misgendered, so has Tom Cruise, for sure! I'm wondering about the type of misgendering. I've heard an older woman often call a younger guy "honey". It would make sense too if instead it was an older guy calling you "hun" and they we're gay. But I feel almost certain it was "son". A state of heightened awareness may have played tricks with you too. You really shouldn't have too much to worry about.

Definitely says guy to me. I agree that even cis-guys get misgendered every so often. I know it's so easy to focus on the few misgendered moments and forget that to pretty much everyone, you're passing, but breathe. You definitely look and seem male to me.

Dominic you look great! I second what Nygeel and a few other above have said, you just seem tense and not too confident (judging from seeing your posts over a few months). I don't see what's keeping you from passing 100% of the time. Maybe there's something about your lower body or the way you walk or something that we couldn't see in the videos? Though your voice, facial hair, and face should dispel any doubts about your gender.

If you're looking to loose some weight, we have a few members here who've lost a lot of weight since going on T who might be able to give you some good pointers. Though IMO from seeing you in the videos, I think 50 pounds seems like too much to loose, you don't really look heavy from the part of you I could see in the video.

Thanks guys for all the feedback. I just got out of work (thank God it's only a few days, cause it sucks!) and I'm so tired and pain from being on my feet all day. So this is just a quick thanks to you all for the feedback. I'll write more probably not until the weekend b/c this job tires me out so much.

Oh, and btw... I'm working with all guys and they couldn't believe i was 31, they told me I had a baby face, which I certainly don't mind, i'd like to look like I'm 25 forever, but I wonder what they were thinking about a 31 year old guy that has such a baby face and not masculine enough for a 31 year old guy...? I always wonder if I'm convincing as a guy...? Like would other guys think I was trans...? Or guys thinking, "this dude is weird", something is a little off with him. I wonder if he's trans or something..?" I dunno, I always think that when I work with other guys. Am I convincing as a guy.
Any of you guys feel that way or is it just me?

Hey man I wouldn't worry too much. I don't think most people even think about trans people on a daily basis, so I doubt it even crossed their minds. Most people don't know what hormones can really do for people.    Btw, I was thinking you looked like you were between 25 and 27 years old.

Btw, glad you're working now, hope you get a job that you enjoy better though. 

Quote from: Dominick_81 on August 06, 2013, 06:11:47 PM

Oh, and btw... I'm working with all guys and they couldn't believe i was 31, they told me I had a baby face, which I certainly don't mind, i'd like to look like I'm 25 forever, but I wonder what they were thinking about a 31 year old guy that has such a baby face and not masculine enough for a 31 year old guy...? I always wonder if I'm convincing as a guy...? Like would other guys think I was trans...? Or guys thinking, "this dude is weird", something is a little off with him. I wonder if he's trans or something..?" I dunno, I always think that when I work with other guys. Am I convincing as a guy.
Any of you guys feel that way or is it just me?

They're not. People are too wrapped up in their own drama. Not to mention half of society is busy staring at their phones. I was invited to hang with some dudes in public and chat about girls (which I don't give a flying hoot about) and they suspected nothing and I'm not on T.