sometimes ( if not more often than it should be) being trans and transitioning and such, it makes you wonder, what's it even all good for? it makes us depressed sometimes. but there are happy moments and scary moments and confusing moments. but ask yourself, what is it all for? what keeps you going? please share.

as for me,
my future keeps me going. I am very young, and the idea of living out my life as a man...sounds fantastic. the idea of me graduating from college with my male name and body is amazing. and then moving on to find a significant other who i can hold and love, that eventually i can get married, react like these guys http://princess-enjolras-of-patria.tumblr.com/post/50722076905/10-grooms-blown-away-by-their-beautiful-brides at seeing your best friend looking so amazing and you will spend your life with them. get some kids, be a father, grow old. the thought of it all is just making me giddy. really simple things too not just the big moments. waking up, a bit of stubble poking through my cheeks, go for a jog shirtless, wear a suit to a formal occassion.

actually transitioning is terrifying to me, but i think if i keep the big picture in mind..I can get through it.

typing this out also made me feel a lot better, so if you're feeling down or doubtful, tell your vision for your future. it helps it really does.

Great idea.

I have these visions from time to time of this normal day.

  Its silly stuff really... I arrive at the studio clutching a coffee for dear life, perhaps I am a tad hung over... my funky bob haircut a little mussed, eye makeup a little heavy perhaps.  My collegues talk about ->-bleeped-<- as I sit at my desk and boot up... perhaps they introduce me to a new team member- no one thinks of me as trans- I am just this Girl who is great at her job.. I spend the day doing creative, intense work - not once aching to be a girl... just being... no feeling misplaced or on the fringes.  No bull->-bleeped-<-.  No pretence.
I have lunch with the girls and chat.
  That night I wander to a local pub and meet my partner and close friends for dinner... we have a great time.  I get checked out, hell, even have turn someone down (sorry I am taken) chat to new people, and laugh a lot.  I get back to my flat-filled with lowbrow art, drapes, pillows, candles, books... after I wash my makeup off (able to look at myself in the mirror and see ME) I curl up on the couch and fall asleep with my cat purring on my lap.  I wake up to find my partner has placed a blanket over me.  Its the morning and I feel awake and alive, and the rest of the day is anyones guess.

having an  vision for our future is of upmost importance without it we most likely will not accomplish what we set out  to do or at least t hat has been my experience

I was going to post more but the rest of the story is pretty dark. I will leave it at I would like to reach the point where I can no longer pass as male even if I tried.

Pushing me towards transition is the fact that my body makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to grow old looking like a woman.
Pulling me towards transition is the possibility that I may look in the mirror someday and see my someone I can recognize as myself staring back.
It takes more than transition to get the future I want. My current plans involve me finishing my bachelor of science, moving to Montreal to take my masters in either genetics or neuroscience, and then on to Ph.D, and to get a job as a scientist where lots of exciting research is being done. I'm gonna be a mad scientist. Yay! During this time, I would transition as I can and pay off my student loans. Someday, I hope to be that crazy, eccentric guy who is confident about being himself. My not-so-possible plans involve a castle, gaining as more power than is probably possible, and potentially world domination.