My grandma who was really not very accepting of my transition keeps coming around. Today I was helping her add my brother's email to her contacts and it asked if she wanted to put a nickname. So she said "put number 1 grandson." And then she said "Oh...oh...sorry! Sorry. I meant because he was the first born grandson. Well, he used to be, but not anymore, you are the oldest. Just don't put a nickname there for your brother. I still just see you as my sweetie is all."
I know she doesn't fully see me as a guy. But, it just goes to prove that if people love you, they will come around in time. It took her 3 years to even begin. I think she always held on to the "hope" that I'd decide not to transition, but now she knows it's something that will never change so she's trying to accept it as well as she can. She also noticed a man named Caleb on TV and she said "Hey look! A Caleb!" Lol.
And it got me thinking about my fears for uni as well. The fear that I will get clocked and be the "trans teacher." You know what? Who cares! My grandma has come so far. I am closer to all my grandparents than most kids are. She saw me grow up as her only granddaughter, for 20 years. My transition goes against everything that her religion has ever taught her, and everything that life has ever taught her. To her, boys are boys and girls are girls and that's that. It goes against everything she has ever held dear to her. But she loved me enough to find it within herself to question all these things after age 70. So who gives a crap if some kid at uni clocks me and is a jerk about it? I have nothing to prove to them. It will hurt, to know that to some I look female still. And it will remind me of the pain of dysphoria. But they can suck it. If someone wants to out me and point out that I look trans, I'm just going to tell them that I am their tutor and they are my student, and that those sorts of questions and discussions are inappropriate. After a few months I never have to lay eyes on a single one of them.
