I think I'm weird.

Most of us seem to desperately want the genitals of our target sex. But I ... do and don't.

I don't know if saying this is really appropriate or not, but sometimes I wish I was born intersex (although my parents would have had that "corrected" - I still sometimes toy with the idea that that actually happened).

I kind of like my ... inner region. I've never been interested in anal play, I know it probably feels great and all but it's just not for me. But what is for me, is definitely using what I was born with.

But at the same time, I want nothing more than to be able to penetrate and feel a woman. I have a vivid imagination that allows me to sense almost fully what I'm imagining - smell, sound, taste, touch.... and I'm pretty sure I've imagined very closely what it would feel like to have a penis inside of someone, the action of the foreskin sliding up and down, the intense explosion of orgasm and ejaculation. And I want that as much as I'm glad to know what my Skene's gland is capable of.

I know the clit is anatomically just a small penis and vice-versa, but right now the surgical options are too expensive, too involved, too invasive and don't yet yield the results I would want for all the effort put into it. It really does help to know that I do, in a way, have both and that with T I will see some degree of growth. But still. It's just an awesome image in my head and one I think I've dreamed of now and then since I was a kid. To have both a fully-functional penis and to keep my vag.

Am I weird, and alone in this?

I don't think it's necessarily weird, but it is one of those "be careful what you wish for" things.

Quote from: Synkronic on September 05, 2011, 01:46:19 PM
I think I'm weird.

Most of us seem to desperately want the genitals of our target sex. But I ... do and don't.

I don't know if saying this is really appropriate or not, but sometimes I wish I was born intersex (although my parents would have had that "corrected" - I still sometimes toy with the idea that that actually happened).

I kind of like my ... inner region. I've never been interested in anal play, I know it probably feels great and all but it's just not for me. But what is for me, is definitely using what I was born with.

But at the same time, I want nothing more than to be able to penetrate and feel a woman. I have a vivid imagination that allows me to sense almost fully what I'm imagining - smell, sound, taste, touch.... and I'm pretty sure I've imagined very closely what it would feel like to have a penis inside of someone, the action of the foreskin sliding up and down, the intense explosion of orgasm and ejaculation. And I want that as much as I'm glad to know what my Skene's gland is capable of.

I know the clit is anatomically just a small penis and vice-versa, but right now the surgical options are too expensive, too involved, too invasive and don't yet yield the results I would want for all the effort put into it. It really does help to know that I do, in a way, have both and that with T I will see some degree of growth. But still. It's just an awesome image in my head and one I think I've dreamed of now and then since I was a kid. To have both a fully-functional penis and to keep my vag.

Am I weird, and alone in this?

weird? probebly? who cares LOL..

well I dont really hate my vegina, I would like to be born with a normal size penis as well,
but dont mind having a vegina or having both. its not that its the part I hate, but I hate how that part is making people deside my gender, if guys where fully accepted and normal as not nessesarry having a penis then it would just be awsome. but sadly the sociaty is based on who got a d** and who dosent'.


however I hate almost every word of it in my own languarge, so I tend to call it a non-penis somethimes where my little friend is my penis, in that way I refern to myself as hamophodite down there..
(I know its not the right word but its what people understand, and usunally I dont feel like talking about my genetalia in details, so I just say im a hamu or a lady gaga..)

well, you're in good company. someone in the intersex forum just mentioned the same thing.

i totally understand what you are saying

although for me personally, my vag is so tight, even the smallest toy hurts and doesn't even feel pleasurable, anal play though.. that feels much better for me.

Quote from: Natkat on September 05, 2011, 03:17:37 PM
if guys where fully accepted and normal as not nessesarry having a penis then it would just be awsome. but sadly the sociaty is based on who got a d** and who dosent'.

I TOTALLY relate to this, obviously in the reverse Sadly as you said, people do gender you by what's in your pants. Luckily very few people have the right to look in mine lol.

You are not weird or alone in this.  While I don't feel the same way, I was reading some posts recently in a group I belong to that were similar to what you're saying.  Basically, these trans men wanted bottom surgery (meta) without a vaginectomy.  They wanted both a penis and a vagina, so that they could have vaginal sex.  There's nothing wrong about wanting to use the parts you were born with.

edit:  Added a "not" to the first sentence.  Whoops!

A friend of mine gave me a name for identifying yourself as both male and female (physically) or wanting pieces of both bodies, "sex queer." It's like gender queer, but in terms of your physical self instead of your gender. It's much less appropriating of intersex people and their experiences.

Anyways...there are plenty of trans guys that are okay with their extra hole, and are okay with what they have once on T.

i dont feel the same but i understand where your coming from but just as a fyi you might like the share or feeldo as you can feel what your doing even if your not feeling it with your dick.

You're not alone. I kind of feel the same way. I'm not interested in anal sex, on the giving or receiving end of things, but I'm gay. It seems to me that it'd be nice to be able to receive penetrative sex without having any health problems related to anal, and still be a gay male with fully functional male anatomy, but if I can't have fully functioning male anatomy, then I don't want the female stuff.

Quote from: anibioman on September 05, 2011, 10:20:36 PM
i dont feel the same but i understand where your coming from but just as a fyi you might like the share or feeldo as you can feel what your doing even if your not feeling it with your dick.

I have the share, and it's terrifying. I got my end in once... maaybe twice. I'm not tight but I'm sure as hell not that loose. I've looked at the feeldo though, and it's something I'd consider trying out. They have different sizes, unlike the Share 

Glad to know I'm not alone. @ Nygeel - that word makes sense. I didn't want to insult any intersex people by saying "I wish I were you" because, obviously, I have no idea what their lives are like and I know there are an infinite number of intersex conditions... The one I'm thinking of is probably not common or even possible...

Thanks for the replies eh

Quote from: Synkronic on September 06, 2011, 10:54:49 AM
I have the share, and it's terrifying. I got my end in once... maaybe twice. I'm not tight but I'm sure as hell not that loose. I've looked at the feeldo though, and it's something I'd consider trying out. They have different sizes, unlike the Share 

Glad to know I'm not alone. @ Nygeel - that word makes sense. I didn't want to insult any intersex people by saying "I wish I were you" because, obviously, I have no idea what their lives are like and I know there are an infinite number of intersex conditions... The one I'm thinking of is probably not common or even possible...

Thanks for the replies eh

If you have the money and go to shevibe.com they have a new model of feeldoe out that has a shaft that is the smallest of them all (but still a respectable length, it's more on the "average" end of things) but the biggest thing about this new model is that it is flesh-toned (for caucasian only now I'm afraid ) They've also re-designed it a little so that the inner core of the dildo is the firmer part but the outside is softer and feels more like flesh (but it's all still 100% silicone).

I thought about getting a share once but the bulb looked way too big. I'm happy with the size of the one on my current feeldoe and while you -can- use them without a harness I would recommend one. But once I saw they had a new kind out I really really wanted it.

As to the original topic of discussion, I am similar to you. I don't dislike the down-there parts at all except for when I get judged for what I have/don't have. My ultimate dream is to be able to shapeshift myself so that if i felt like having a penis one day it would be that simple. If I didn't feel like a penis that day, then that would be fine too.

I know one of the bottom surgeries you can actually have the penis surgically added and they will do it in like a two part surgery, so the first surgery they put the penis over the clit area and leave the vaginal opening open, then the second surgery they create the scrotum out of the labia...so technially if you had that surgery u could just do part one an dnot part two...I know of one guy who currently is waitin for part two but likes using his opening until he getst he second surgery done.

Quote from: onep1ece7 on September 06, 2011, 04:36:13 PM
I know one of the bottom surgeries you can actually have the penis surgically added and they will do it in like a two part surgery, so the first surgery they put the penis over the clit area and leave the vaginal opening open, then the second surgery they create the scrotum out of the labia...so technially if you had that surgery u could just do part one an dnot part two...I know of one guy who currently is waitin for part two but likes using his opening until he getst he second surgery done.

That might be kinda cool I'll have to keep that one in mind.

@ Lukas - thanks bro, I'll definitely check it out.

I don't think you are weird at all. I am a female who has had this thought for awhile. I am now in a healthy relationship with a great guy and he allows me to anal play him; He quite likes it. I am actually starting to do research to see if it is possible to surgically get a penis (that is functionally) while keeping my vagina. I'm not exactly sure if this is possible, but it's nice to see that I'm not the only one who longs to have both.

I'm kind of confused because in most accounts I am quite masculine but I don't see the need to have a penis. I attach all kinds of symbolism into it. I read all kinds of feminist literature and pushed myself into accepting a female body that way to cover up the dysphoria that I was going to have to learn to appreciate female aspects of my body and I was interested in goddess worship for the longest time but I didn't feel like a goddess. I don't really mind my period either though I think it would be great to have some aspects of a masculine body or soul. But I've packed or experimented with packing before and enjoyed it, and in a lot of ways I consider myself macho. In fact, I'm probably more macho than several guys I know.  So point is there is an in between. I think several types of gender in-between exist out there, and your situation is one of them.

I feel similar. I recently had a meta done with the hookup so I can STP. I did, however, opt not to have my v-word removed. This greatly increased my risk of getting a fistula, but thankfully I didn't. I found a partner who makes me feel very secure and for the first time ever, I allowed someone to uh...explore my v-word. I didn't want to have to give that up just cause I wanted (or should say felt like I always should have had) a penis. I haven't really tried my v word out since the surgery as I had a hysterectomy done as well, but basically I was told the opening is very small right now but will stretch back to about how it was prior.

Foreskin???!?lol I've o nly come across some foreskin on guys in the states  and although tolerable, there's always a certain...difference

Quote from: Ryno on September 05, 2011, 01:46:19 PM

I kind of like my ... inner region. I've never been interested in anal play, I know it probably feels great and all but it's just not for me. But what is for me, is definitely using what I was born with.

nothing wrong at ALL with using what youve got. yes anal must be great with all our prostates no really.. i cant imagine what people get out of it besides their partners pleasure!

Wow, I'm so glad I found this post! For the most part I identify as a straight, cis female, but I've wanted for over half my life to have a penis. I want to be able to give penetrative  sex, and I've always felt as if I were missing ejaculation when (if) I had an orgasm.

I've looked into gender correction surgery for a long time, but I've always been frustrated that there is still no good option (size, looks, and full sensory input) to turn a clitoris into a penis (or to grow testes without sacrificing my labia). Perhaps in the future, but I worry as someone past 30 there will be no good options in my lifetime.