how is it i always miss seeing your pictures dom! >.<

Quote from: Dominick_81 on August 07, 2013, 12:47:42 AM
See, I knew it! I knew I didn't have any major changes. It's been over 2 years on T. I should look a lot more masculine. I'm so disappointed with my results from T after 2 years. Having sublte results is very upsetting over 2 years on T.

How is that I go from being in the normal male Range to bring way below the normal male range on the same dosage? I've had problems from the start with my dosage. It just seemed like it was never ever right. And then I get in the normal male range for a certain amount of who knows how long and then it goes low again. Will I ever actually get more than just sublte changes? This transition has been so frustrating. Had I been give the correct dosages from the beginning I probably would have had more than just subtle changes and I wouldn't be so upset.

@Aleon515: I do have a short haircut that I go and get, but I'd rather have long hair. At this point in my transition I shouldn't have to cut my hair just to get a passing, ya know what I mean?

Well perhaps you actually need to count your time on T differently but you actually do look more than superficially guy. I think this almost sounds like dysphoria on your part.

It doesn't matter what type of haircut you have. Just seems to me that you are so upset about not passing that you might want to do everything you could to pass. Long hair is somewhat tricky. I like guys with long hair, heck reminds me of my youth when all the hippie guys had the long hair. I think you look good with it, you have a kind of cute scruffy style, but sometimes cisguys don't get read as male if they have long hair. And sometimes it might be a redneck way of reacting. I don't know if there is still blow back for guys wearing long hair, but there might be to any more feminine presentation.  I don't think it is true that if you were on T you might pass all the time. I know of guys 4 years on T with full beards who occasionally get ma'amed. Not sure, but perhaps it is passive aggressive to guys who appear gay in their minds.




--Jay

Quote from: Dominick_81 on August 07, 2013, 12:47:42 AM
See, I knew it! I knew I didn't have any major changes. It's been over 2 years on T. I should look a lot more masculine. I'm so disappointed with my results from T after 2 years. Having sublte results is very upsetting over 2 years on T.

It's almost like you search for someone to validate how you feel about yourself. Out of all the people who have responded to you, you cling to the one view that says you have subtle changes. The real question to ask yourself is how you're treated the majority of the time. Do you get questioned about your gender from guys at work? Are you constantly getting ma'am from people? What sort of percentage are you talking about here because most transfolks get misgendered on occasion. Is it people walking up behind you that misgender you? I could see that happening because in your video you look short. Add long hair to that and from behind you probably do look female. Not ripping you but just being realistic. There are certain visual ques that people stereotypically assign to a certain gender.

In medical transition there are two aspects, what we want to happen to us physically and what actually occurs to us with hormones. How long have you been on a steady dose of injections? If memory serves me correct you were on gel and also Finasteride for awhile. Gel takes longer than injections to show results. Finasteride can slow down results too, so while you have in your head that you should look a certain way by now what are you basing that on? That you've been on injections for a solid two years? Different methods take different amounts of time and playing around with things never helps. The best thing to do is give it time and relax. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Dominick - here's some honesty

you said you were less than 5 ft tall last time you made a thread like this right?

A cisguy would get misgendered randomly if they were that height, especially with longer hair and wearing bulky layers

You can't change how tall you are, so you will need to build confidence and own yourself. That will help tremendously.  I think you have great changes and pass very well.

Quote from: Si on August 07, 2013, 02:41:38 PM
It's almost like you search for someone to validate how you feel about yourself. Out of all the people who have responded to you, you cling to the one view that says you have subtle changes.

That's not what I intended to do but this is a great point you have made. Maybe he was looking for a response sorta like that to validate what he's already feeling about himself. Doesn't hurt to discuss with his doctor though, since he or she may be able to help him feel better about himself even if it's just addressing dysphoria

Quote from: spacerace on August 07, 2013, 03:06:03 PM
Dominick - here's some honesty

you said you were less than 5 ft tall last time you made a thread like this right?

A cisguy would get misgendered randomly if they were that height, especially with longer hair and wearing bulky layers

You can't change how tall you are, so you will need to build confidence and own yourself. That will help tremendously.  I think you have great changes and pass very well.

I know a transguy who is 5'1 but I (think) he passes most of the time because he has confidence.

Quote from: Si on August 07, 2013, 02:41:38 PM
It's almost like you search for someone to validate how you feel about yourself. Out of all the people who have responded to you, you cling to the one view that says you have subtle changes. The real question to ask yourself is how you're treated the majority of the time. Do you get questioned about your gender from guys at work? Are you constantly getting ma'am from people? What sort of percentage are you talking about here because most transfolks get misgendered on occasion. Is it people walking up behind you that misgender you? I could see that happening because in your video you look short. Add long hair to that and from behind you probably do look female. Not ripping you but just being realistic. There are certain visual ques that people stereotypically assign to a certain gender.

In medical transition there are two aspects, what we want to happen to us physically and what actually occurs to us with hormones. How long have you been on a steady dose of injections? If memory serves me correct you were on gel and also Finasteride for awhile. Gel takes longer than injections to show results. Finasteride can slow down results too, so while you have in your head that you should look a certain way by now what are you basing that on? That you've been on injections for a solid two years? Different methods take different amounts of time and playing around with things never helps. The best thing to do is give it time and relax. Rome wasn't built in a day.

I think it's all mostly dysphoria on his part, plus he might be misgendered from behind that that kind of thing. Heck if I get misgendered from behind. I turn around and use my voice and a lot of time I get sirred. I count that as a pass. See I wonder if Dominic would count that as a pass? Because I sense a great deal of negativism on his part.

That all said about gel vs injections, I think it is unusual for someone on gel not to pass after 2 years. I know of one or two people who couldn't absorb it. I don't know about how Finasteride might play in here, as I don't know anybody who has done gel and Finasteride. I know several guys now transitioning only on  gel/cream. I am maybe doing a little bit less well, but still passing 50% at 6 months. I  attribute some of this to age and build. But the guys I know have done their whole transitions on gel.

The thing is if the gel is working for you, you should get the injections, get a short hair cut for a year or two or whatever, and that maybe you could stop feeling so bad. I think you're feeling so bad is more or less your dysphoria though and somethign you should maybe talk to a psychologist or counselor about.

--Jay

Quote from: Elijah on August 08, 2013, 01:21:04 PM
I know a transguy who is 5'1 but I (think) he passes most of the time because he has confidence.

I'm 5'1 and pass about 100% of the time. It is possible and confidence has a lot to do with it.

Quote from: Darrin Scott on August 09, 2013, 09:49:12 AM
I'm 5'1 and pass about 100% of the time. It is possible and confidence has a lot to do with it.

In another 6 months, and I probably will too. Same height and older (though the latter may work for me, I don't know). (5 1/2 months on T and the t-cream too). I'm now passing about 50%, actually haven't been misgendered in person since I dyed the 'stache.

--Jay

Sorry guys for the late responses, I've been so tired from work. The job is over though. It was only 3 days.

I might have lost some post responses as the back button got accidentally hit and I lost everything, and I didn't want to type this all over again so I apologize if there are any missed posts.

Quote from: MaybeBen on August 07, 2013, 01:52:55 AM
This is just a guess, but I'd imagine that effective dosage for t is, to at least some extent, based on a variety of changing factors, like tolerance and body mass, rather than constant like you might expect. So I don't think it's that weird to have your levels be normal for a while
and then drop off.
That being said, I think you and your haircut pass just fine, and if anything is getting you looked at sideways, it's probably the fact that you look so guilty and anxious.

Since it's been over 2 years my endo doctor only checks my T levels every 6 months now. I liked it better when I was getting my T levels checked every 3 months so in case my T levels drop my dosage could be raised.

True, but if they also see me side ways they also see my facial hair too...

Quote from: lissabuchannon on August 07, 2013, 02:13:03 AM
Everyone I know who has done T MTF has changed in months almost beyond recognition, but YMMV due to genetics, levels, etc. Not everyone is the same, I just think it's worth looking into it. I'm probably the worst person to come up with any answers tho, being born in between and forced, as I feel now, into an FTM transition. Really, I don't know what to call it when you're told to shoot T and HGH every 2 wks from 16 yrs old...........All I know is based on the changes that happened to me from 16-18 without any natural T, and only having HRT for it.....the changes were noticeable in weeks. In a few months, noticeable to everyone else around me. I seriously think you'll have no problems passing at all, but know from looking at you that you can look totally cisgendered with the right medical testing and approach. I'm only trying to help, I'm not criticizing, cause god knows, I'll never pass as either M or F myself, and I'm finally ok with that. XO Alicia

Yeah, that's what I think should have happen with me... changing where I'm not recognized by people who knew me before. People who haven't seen me in over 10, 15 years still recongzied me. They say I look the same, but look more masculine... that's all.

My endo doctor hasn't suggested any testing. She thinks my voice is deep enough and she doesn't know why I'm having trouble passing.




I don't get mis-gendered a whole lot. Once in a great while. But whenever I'm in public I never know who people are seeing me. Are they seeing male or are they seeing female or they can't tell.

When I do go out in public, I do have confidence. I fake it. So when I get mis-gendered, I'm taken by surprise and I don't say anything. Though, it's on the tip of my tongue to do so.

Like when I thought I might have got'n mis-gendered at the pizza place... he said it so low I didn't really hear what he said and it was possible I didn't get mis-gendered and then again, it could have been I was mis-gendered, so in that case I didn't say anything.

I still can't pass over the phone though, but I've got'n to the point now that I will speak up over the phone or I will just hang up on the person like I did last time b/c the a**hole wasn't listening to me when I told him I was a guy.

Quote from: Geek on August 07, 2013, 06:22:49 AM
how is it i always miss seeing your pictures dom! >.<

lol, Not sure dude. Did you catch the videos I put up before I took them down?

Quote from: aleon515 on August 07, 2013, 12:42:46 PM

Well perhaps you actually need to count your time on T differently but you actually do look more than superficially guy. I think this almost sounds like dysphoria on your part.

It doesn't matter what type of haircut you have. Just seems to me that you are so upset about not passing that you might want to do everything you could to pass. Long hair is somewhat tricky. I like guys with long hair, heck reminds me of my youth when all the hippie guys had the long hair. I think you look good with it, you have a kind of cute scruffy style, but sometimes cisguys don't get read as male if they have long hair. And sometimes it might be a redneck way of reacting. I don't know if there is still blow back for guys wearing long hair, but there might be to any more feminine presentation.  I don't think it is true that if you were on T you might pass all the time. I know of guys 4 years on T with full beards who occasionally get ma'amed. Not sure, but perhaps it is passive aggressive to guys who appear gay in their minds.
--Jay

I guess your right, I have to count the time I've been on T and the times when the T wasn't where it was supposed to be and counting the andro gel that didn't work at all for me. I started Andro gel from Aug 20th 2012 to Dec. 2012. I was back on T shot Dec. 17th 2012 to present.

Quote from: Si on August 07, 2013, 02:41:38 PM
It's almost like you search for someone to validate how you feel about yourself. Out of all the people who have responded to you, you cling to the one view that says you have subtle changes. The real question to ask yourself is how you're treated the majority of the time. Do you get questioned about your gender from guys at work? Are you constantly getting ma'am from people? What sort of percentage are you talking about here because most transfolks get misgendered on occasion. Is it people walking up behind you that misgender you? I could see that happening because in your video you look short. Add long hair to that and from behind you probably do look female. Not ripping you but just being realistic. There are certain visual ques that people stereotypically assign to a certain gender.

In medical transition there are two aspects, what we want to happen to us physically and what actually occurs to us with hormones. How long have you been on a steady dose of injections? If memory serves me correct you were on gel and also Finasteride for awhile. Gel takes longer than injections to show results. Finasteride can slow down results too, so while you have in your head that you should look a certain way by now what are you basing that on? That you've been on injections for a solid two years? Different methods take different amounts of time and playing around with things never helps. The best thing to do is give it time and relax. Rome wasn't built in a day.

It's b/c people have told me I look the same as I did pre-T, that I Just got a little more masculine, that's all. I'm very recognizable to everyone. When I see those 1 year transitions most of those guys are unrecognizable. Their voices have changed so much and mine has barely changed. I sound like a 15 year boy if I do sound male at all.

No, I don't get questioned about my gender from guys at work. But one guy said to me something like, "31 huh? You have such baby face. You don't look 31." And the other 2 guys agreed that I had a baby face, and that's fine, I don't mind at all looking young. But having that baby face I feel makes people maybe question whether I'm really a guy or trans, ya know?

I don't get mis-gendered often. I just get really upset when it does happen. I can tell the difference between a man and a women. If a man has long hair I can still tell he's a man, b/c he looks like a man. I don't know how people can mistake guys with long hair for a woman...? They look completely male. I just don't get it.

Quote from: spacerace on August 07, 2013, 03:06:03 PM
Dominick - here's some honesty

you said you were less than 5 ft tall last time you made a thread like this right?

A cisguy would get misgendered randomly if they were that height, especially with longer hair and wearing bulky layers

You can't change how tall you are, so you will need to build confidence and own yourself. That will help tremendously.  I think you have great changes and pass very well.

Yep, less then 5 ft. tall.

I don't understand why cis guys with long hair get mis-gendered? Can't people tell the difference between male and female?

I think you have great changes and pass very well.

Thanks.

Quote from: lissabuchannon on August 07, 2013, 04:03:42 PM
That's not what I intended to do but this is a great point you have made. Maybe he was looking for a response sorta like that to validate what he's already feeling about himself. Doesn't hurt to discuss with his doctor though, since he or she may be able to help him feel better about himself even if it's just addressing dysphoria

It's okay. I've been told by many people that I look the same as I did pre-T and that I only look more masculine, but nothing drastic.

I have talked to my doctor about my concerns and she doesn't know why I get mis-gendered either. I've told her I'm not happy with the changes so far and that's when she told me I had 4x the T than what women have and that I should have 10x that so that's why I haven't been getting any changes.

Quote from: Elijah on August 08, 2013, 01:21:04 PM
I know a transguy who is 5'1 but I (think) he passes most of the time because he has confidence.

I fake my confidence. I don't know what the problem is. But like I said before, I don't get doesn't mis-gendered too often. Most of the time people never use pro nouns so I never know how that person is seeing me.

Quote from: aleon515 on August 08, 2013, 01:48:08 PM


I think it's all mostly dysphoria on his part, plus he might be misgendered from behind that that kind of thing. Heck if I get misgendered from behind. I turn around and use my voice and a lot of time I get sirred. I count that as a pass. See I wonder if Dominic would count that as a pass? Because I sense a great deal of negativism on his part.

That all said about gel vs injections, I think it is unusual for someone on gel not to pass after 2 years. I know of one or two people who couldn't absorb it. I don't know about how Finasteride might play in here, as I don't know anybody who has done gel and Finasteride. I know several guys now transitioning only on  gel/cream. I am maybe doing a little bit less well, but still passing 50% at 6 months. I  attribute some of this to age and build. But the guys I know have done their whole transitions on gel.

The thing is if the gel is working for you, you should get the injections, get a short hair cut for a year or two or whatever, and that maybe you could stop feeling so bad. I think you're feeling so bad is more or less your dysphoria though and somethign you should maybe talk to a psychologist or counselor about.

--Jay

I never get mis-gendered from behind, it's always face to face.

I started T Feb. 15th, 2011 to Aug. 20th, 2012, that's when I switched to andro gel. I started Andro gel from Aug 20th 2012 to Dec. 2012. The andro gel didn't work at all. I went back on T shots Dec. 17th 2012 to present.

Quote from: Darrin Scott on August 09, 2013, 09:49:12 AM
I'm 5'1 and pass about 100% of the time. It is possible and confidence has a lot to do with it.

That's great your passing 100%.

I fake confidence out in public. Not sure why once in a great while I get mis-gendered...?



[/list]

If you only get misgendered once in awhile I think you are passing most of the time, maybe even all the time. (As cisguys get misgendered too. Yes I've seen this.) So I think it says more about them than you, mostly. But why? Heck it can even be passive aggressive dislike for long hair. Or reading someone's body language and not looking at them. or ....


Real confidence works a lot better than fake confidence, btw. It seems natural.

--Jay

It really pains me to hear these kinds of things..Though im sure the anxiety for such things are kicking in by now but for someone like me who has to fight harder then most,just to get on the stupid stuff-makes me wish i even had it to start with *shrugs* though im sure i would be in your place as well,so i guess i can understand that.I cant really give any feed back on it as the pictures dont show for me but i wish you good luck

You look very different! It's just dysphoria on your part, as evidenced by you latching onto the one opinion that says you haven't changed, and ignoring the multitude of positive affirmation of changes people posted, just like Si pointed out. Own the changes those of us who saw the pics and video saw. People who know you in everyday life aren't going to notice huge differences because they know you and the changes happened gradually. People who meet you tomorrow and show them a 2yrs ago picture are going to be shocked. That's why folk do comparison photos and vids because otherwise they might miss the big changes.

Being shorter and having longer hair would, like many have said already, lead to higher chance of misgendering too. It's your right to rock long hair, but of you're this dysphoric, maybe it's not the best look for you. It's just pre-programmed brain assumptions. Long hair = female. Short hair = male. Tall = male. Short = female. Of course not all men or women fit into these categories at all, it's just averages. Our brains make snap judgements on overall look before we focus in on details. At a glance you might see 2 people with the same colour jacket. One has long hair and the other short hair and taller. So your brain jumps to female and male respectively. Then they get closer and you realise it's Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman and you had their genders the wrong way round.

Also if you get misgendered and don't react, it only confirms something's up. If cis individuals get misgendered they'll speak up!

Quote from: aleon515 on August 09, 2013, 11:13:44 PM
If you only get misgendered once in awhile I think you are passing most of the time, maybe even all the time. (As cisguys get misgendered too. Yes I've seen this.) So I think it says more about them than you, mostly. But why? Heck it can even be passive aggressive dislike for long hair. Or reading someone's body language and not looking at them. or ....


Real confidence works a lot better than fake confidence, btw. It seems natural.

--Jay

Hopefully I'm passing most of the times. Most people don't use pronouns with me, so hopefully I'm passing most of the time.

"Real confidence works a lot better than fake confidence, btw. It seems natural."

I can't tell the difference.

Quote from: Jack_M on August 10, 2013, 04:42:15 AM
You look very different! It's just dysphoria on your part, as evidenced by you latching onto the one opinion that says you haven't changed, and ignoring the multitude of positive affirmation of changes people posted, just like Si pointed out. Own the changes those of us who saw the pics and video saw. People who know you in everyday life aren't going to notice huge differences because they know you and the changes happened gradually. People who meet you tomorrow and show them a 2yrs ago picture are going to be shocked. That's why folk do comparison photos and vids because otherwise they might miss the big changes.

Being shorter and having longer hair would, like many have said already, lead to higher chance of misgendering too. It's your right to rock long hair, but of you're this dysphoric, maybe it's not the best look for you. It's just pre-programmed brain assumptions. Long hair = female. Short hair = male. Tall = male. Short = female. Of course not all men or women fit into these categories at all, it's just averages. Our brains make snap judgements on overall look before we focus in on details. At a glance you might see 2 people with the same colour jacket. One has long hair and the other short hair and taller. So your brain jumps to female and male respectively. Then they get closer and you realise it's Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman and you had their genders the wrong way round.

Also if you get misgendered and don't react, it only confirms something's up. If cis individuals get misgendered they'll speak up!

"You look very different!"

Ya really think so? How come people still recognized me though? And it's people I haven't seen in forever.

My cousins and friends have told me the same thing, that I really don't look that much different. My mother's friend who hasn't seen me in over maybe 5 to 10 years said I look the same too, just more masculine.

I dunno. I feel like I'm supposed to be unrecognizable to people who haven't seen me in forever.

Quote from: Chaos on August 10, 2013, 01:45:07 AM
It really pains me to hear these kinds of things..Though im sure the anxiety for such things are kicking in by now but for someone like me who has to fight harder then most,just to get on the stupid stuff-makes me wish i even had it to start with *shrugs* though im sure i would be in your place as well,so i guess i can understand that.I cant really give any feed back on it as the pictures dont show for me but i wish you good luck

I'm sorry your not on T yet. I hope you are able to get it soon. Are you anywhere near to getting on it?

" i wish you good luck"

Thanks.

Your expectations are whacked. Unless you got radical facial surgery you're always going to look like you and be recognised. T doesn't make you unrecognizable!  Every video I see on YouTube they still look like themselves, just in a more masculine form. It's especially hard for anyone who was a tomboy pre-transition because then there's not so much of a difference in the way you dress. I get remarks right now near 2 months on T where people say they don't really see much difference because I still dress and act the same, just have a different name. But they're not saying I don't pass, just that they see me as still being the same person (as in personality) and that they're cool with it, almost like this is me being accepted as the real me now. 

T can't change the bones of your face. I think you need to talk to a professional about your issues tbh. You have unreal expectations and a warped view of self. This thread says there's no changes when there were tons. It's like an anorexic who looks in a mirror and sees a fat person. It's not healthy!

@Jack-- I think my experience is very similar. I actually frequent the same places pre and post transition. I think most people accept it. I look like me, just MORE like me, if you get my drift. You're not going to become some totally different creature. Would you want to?

--Jay

Quote from: Jack_M on August 10, 2013, 09:38:55 PM
Your expectations are whacked. Unless you got radical facial surgery you're always going to look like you and be recognised. T doesn't make you unrecognizable!  Every video I see on YouTube they still look like themselves, just in a more masculine form.

^This.

T doesn't make you look like a completely different person. All it does is make you look like the same person but of the opposite sex. Basically you look like your own opposite gender identical twin, lol.

Quote from: Si on August 11, 2013, 08:09:19 AM
^This.

T doesn't make you look like a completely different person. All it does is make you look like the same person but of the opposite sex. Basically you look like your own opposite gender identical twin, lol.

Opposite gender twin! Perfect! I'm so nicking that.

I guess if you look at John and Joan Cussak that's a good comparison too. Like John would be the result if Joan was on our journey because they look VERY much alike! Lol. I know I'm going to look like my brother. My dad would sometimes mix us up in photos pre-T, unless height was obvious because my brother is 6'4"!!!

And yeah, Jay, definitely seems like we're in the same place. Some have remarked that somehow they expected more to change but now they think about it they realise there wasn't much to change and this has always been me. So all they know to expect now is voice and facial hair changes.

And yeah, we are who we are, I don't want to lose who I am to become the real me, I just want myself and the world to see the true me on the outside. Not a new person; the true ME!

I actually like that one. If someone wonders and I don't feel like splaining it to them, I actually thought of it. "I'm Jay, _____'s twin brother. LOL. I wonder if people think this already.


--Jay

[I'm sorry your not on T yet. I hope you are able to get it soon. Are you anywhere near to getting on it?

No but im working as hard as i can and spending almost ALL my time on the phone.im currently having issues with insurance and plus i live in a place that is limited on resources but they are only offered to certain types of people (good money,good insurance,certain locations) and its proving to be a huge challenge.But i will or ill die trying (mixed feelings on that one meh)