Allie, you are not hijacking the post. Please post here.
There are some fantastic people here who have experienced what you are experiencing and there is light on the path. I was a mess in December. I hid and put out of my mind the best I could. But eventually a lifetime of pain hit when I admitted I am TG. Therapy and then transition has been a gift that is changing my life. There are hurdles and pain but the rewards are 10 fold.
Therapy is tough. I have disclosed to my therapist my sole, thoughts, past, present, fears, feelings and in return she helpes me to address and go forward. Last week I dreaded 2 day prior and felt sick during therapy and had migraines for 2 days after, in the evenings. I now feel free and ready to plan for the next 2 months.
Hormones have been unbelievable for me. The fog, chest squeeze are gone and vision is a bit better. Physical changes are happening too

. If hormones are not for you and you are not TG then it will be apparent. If you are then stopping is something that would be difficult. My dysphoria is manageable now. The hang up I had about hormones was completely wrong. I thought it would be something the happened quick and you had no control of and was a one way street. They are slow acting ( I love noticing little changes) and you can have the Doctor prescribe a lower dose ( I originally wanted low dose but am on a pretty standard dose, when the time came I asked for what I wanted and not what I feared). Hormones can be stopped (under Doctors care) if you decide it is not for you.
Thank you for the kind comments about the topic. The intent is to help others. I was so very close this time to ending it. There was no elaborate plan this time. I have a lot of insurance and increased it a lot in December. The opportunity to end the pain is there every day. However now the thoughts are mostly faint and dismissed quickly. The reason is I am starting to like myself and what I am and I have people to share my feeling with.
Cynthialee, you are right the post is helping others. Thank you for being there!