When I went to get my new I.D. with my new legal (yay!) name on it, I was asked, "So you changed your name to Victoria?" despite Victor being written on the certificate and her clearly seeing it.

Quote from: Edge on August 03, 2013, 03:19:21 PM
When I went to get my new I.D. with my new legal (yay!) name on it, I was asked, "So you changed your name to Victoria?" despite Victor being written on the certificate and her clearly seeing it.

I don't know how many times people have asked my name, and I say, "My name is Beth."

"Oh, hi Seth!" 

Uhh...no, Beth--B.E.T.H., 'Beth'".

"Ben?" 

etc.

It's like their mind goes wonky if they're presented with a male bodied person, using a female name...

I was going through my old posts and found this I posted a year ago in another thread.  I thought it would be fitting here.  The stuff I want to point out is in the bold.

Quote from: Malachite on January 13, 2012, 06:10:20 AM
I haven't came out to most people yet. I think only about 3 or 4 people know.  I will just summarize what they basically said.

1. My old long time female friend who is a butch lesbian:  "No I don't think you are transgender"

2. My father: "Whats wrong?"

Me: " I can't tell you.

Him: Why not

Me: "You wouldn't understand."

Him: "Try me"

Me" I have Gender Dysphoria.  I am a male trapped in a female body and that I'm thinking about transitioning.

Him: "You need to think about other things.  It is a complete waste of money.

Me: "It's been on my mind for 19 years so it's not a waste of money.  Don't you love your penis?"

Him: "I'm supposed to.  It's your life I can't do anything about that I had a feeling you would say that. I know a 50 other people including my brother who are "like that" Consult the bible or someone more experienced with this."

Me: Can you tell me what chapter the Bible talks about being transgendered?"

Him: "Nope start with Genesis and work your way up"

and to sum it up he said he will always address me by my birthname
3. One of my current friends:  "Well that explains a lot of things"  She supports me if this is what I want to do but she does think I need to focus on the basic things of being independent first before I start which I agree.

4.  Haven't officially came out to my mom but I have hinted to her and she basically knows.  I've always told her that I wanted to be a boy and that I   plan on having my uterus ripped out of me.  She said that altering my body would be an abomination to God and I told her if she thinks THAT will be an abomination just wait until how I will really alter my body and she said "turn into a man?" and so I wouldn't shock her initially I just said maybe.  She knows but we don't speak about it.

5. Most of my online friends don't care.  One of them think's its really cool and they will still love me reguardless and one who is a cismale said that I'd make a better man than him.

Today I was talking to a guy who sounded curious about me...but then he said, "Aren't you afraid you've just condemned yourself? Like on Judgement Day?"

Umm...no, because G-d made me this way, with a male body and a female brain. I'm doing the best I can to do the right thing.

He just kept repeating that maybe I "condemned" myself, apparently not hearing what I said otherwise. Finally I said, "Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. I won't know till then. I know what's in my heart then and now (we'd been talking a little about when I was a "guy")...maybe G-d isn't testing me, maybe he's testing the rest of humanity, to see how they react to trans-people?"

Oh, he hadn't really thought about that. Guess what he said next?

"So you aren't afraid that you may have condemned yourself by changing?"



Ok, conversation over. Some people's kids...

One other thing he seemed to insist on, and didn't believe me: He asked how long it took to "sew on" my hair. Ummm...what? "Your hair, it's pretty long. Did they have to sew it on or something?"

Nope, it's mine. Been growing it out for about 2 1/2 years now...

Quote from: Beth Andrea on August 09, 2013, 07:36:33 PM
One other thing he seemed to insist on, and didn't believe me: He asked how long it took to "sew on" my hair. Ummm...what? "Your hair, it's pretty long. Did they have to sew it on or something?"

Nope, it's mine. Been growing it out for about 2 1/2 years now...

That sounds painful and I'm pretty sure people don't actually do that unless it's hair sewn on a doll.

They do have hair "plugs"...that's kinda like sewing...but obviously the guy doesn't know much about hair restoration.

I wonder if he even knows that males (even former ones) can grow their hair long

Quote from: Edge on August 09, 2013, 10:22:36 PM
That sounds painful and I'm pretty sure people don't actually do that unless it's hair sewn on a doll.

Lots of people have weaves.  Generally those are sewn on.  Some use glue, yes, but as far as I know its more common to sew.

Oops. Sorry. I know nothing about weaves or plugs.

Quote from: CaseyB on August 09, 2013, 10:29:05 PM
Lots of people have weaves.  Generally those are sewn on.  Some use glue, yes, but as far as I know its more common to sew.

Oh well, I guess *I* know nothing about hair stuff!!! LOL 

I always thought when hair extensions were "woven" into the host hair, it was done without extra stuff-n-such. Never bothered to look into it, as I don't have a need to (my mom is in her 70's, and still doesn't need a wig)

Quote from: Beth Andrea on August 09, 2013, 07:36:33 PM
Today I was talking to a guy who sounded curious about me...but then he said, "Aren't you afraid you've just condemned yourself? Like on Judgement Day?"

Whenever I hear things like that, I always think that should such a day ever occur, it would be more damning if one lives a life of dishonesty, to themselves and everyone else around them, by not taking the steps necessary to be true to who they are. If you live your life pretending to be someone you're not, then like ripples in a pond, it spreads outwards to encompass everything your life touches. And who, in the end, gets judged? The person or the persona? Which is examined, the actress or the role?

When the curtain falls and only the actress remains, how do you judge a lifetime's role played as someone else?

It seems almost paradoxical.

In hindsight, I just think he judged me, and wouldn't accept any other explanation but his own, narrow self-righteous view of how G-d operates.

Many Christians are like this. And like the lawyer joke, "It's only 90% of them who give the other 10% a bad name."

Truth, I hate when people resort to the expression 'well that is YOUR truth'.

I don't own it.

Good, I hate it when people state 'well define good'.

It is or it isn't, how complicated can something be?

I hate it when a person begins with 'well I believe....'

That's wonderful, but I think I'd rather focus on having real reasons.

I hate it when someone quotes something, and the mere fact they can get the quote correct gives them the notion the quote is magically correct too. No it just means you were able to remember what you read.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on August 09, 2013, 07:36:33 PM
"So you aren't afraid that you may have condemned yourself by changing?"

I would ask a narrow-minded person, "Which do you have a problem with? That I was born transgender or that I'm treating my condition?"

While dealing with a migraine attack, and essentially stuck unable to do anything at all for hours, and basically incapable of doing anything but think and barely that as well, I was stuck on a thought.

'They just don't get it'

Those words though, can be problematic and a double edged sword, as it will cut both ways and not necessarily care which direction and when.

THEY don't get US, but, there are those among us that 'don't get' a lot of things too.

Every time we expect a person to understand something, and we refuse to budge in any fashion, we might be just as bad as anyone else in that behaviour.

THEY come at us with attitudes and beliefs based on nothing but blind ignorance and inadequate education, but I get that all the time with some things, and I get it from every direction some days and not just from THEM, but from US as well.

YOU KNOW what I am talking about, and I will not speak it, but the thing is, we DO subject them and ourselves to this daily.
We force others to endure bias and scorn based on the unproven, and the uneducated. And it is a matter of friction, because both sides will insist, the others 'just don't get it'.

There are a lot of people out there, that just don't get a lot of things. And they are not trying to 'get it', as they have convinced themselves they already DO 'get it', and they are satisfied with what they have claimed they have. They are not interested in being convinced otherwise. They might even be violently opposed.

Sometimes my migraines while wrecking my ability to function, occasionally accidentally will make some things even more crystal clear. It's the thrill of a migraine, the senses are totally shot, they are not performing as expected.

Remember, while heaping scorn on those that 'just don't get it' we are all human, and there might be a few areas we have failed to 'get it' that are no help as well.

I go out of my way to understand and communicate with people who have different values and perspectives than I have. It's one of the few things which is challenging and provides satisfaction when accomplished.

But communication is a two-way street...not only do I try to understand others, I actively try to bring understanding to them. However, there are people who simply do not wish to understand. Their mind actively blocks reason and compassion, because to understand a new and different perspective means to question your own. People who have a narrow mind need dogmatic loyalty to their beliefs, in order to stay strong and accepted within their cultural norms. It is people like this whom I describe as "just not getting it."

It is a whole 'nother challenge to open a person's mind to other ways of thinking...they have to let you in, and at most all we can do is plant the seed, and do no harm in the process. With hope, kindness, and time they may come around...which is why I encourage others to not get angry when responding to people, even if they are insulting or hateful. Better to plant the seed, and let them go in peace, than to lash out in defense of our own ego.

imho

"But you're a man, you have balls"
"my son is not a ->-bleeped-<-" right to my face

I've had this ask a few times, "how can you be gay but want to be a female but still like men?" Ok they did not mean it in a bad way, and I to dont have an answer to that question.

"You are just an feminine male."
"You never acted like a girl."
"Can't you just be a drag queen?"

Those all upset me alot.

From my mom: "Is this from being on the internet too much?!"

Other than that she's pretty supportive:p She calmed down after I explained more.

from my dad when I came out: "What about all the girls you had sex with? Did you use your penis?"

I almost facepalmed from that one. Dx

From random people online: "How can you want to be female but still like girls?"

You can be a lesbian, Rox.

"If you are a lesbian then you go to change your gender then what are you called?"

"There's a woman she used to be a woman now she's a man I guess she's a man anyway, she comes up to me and gets all up in my business and says she wants to put her manhood all over me and I'm like what manhood? Where is the penis? She I mean he thinks he's a gay guy? How is it done? Should I have sex with him?"

To which I pretend to be understanding...