1. I have a "friend" who I want to cut out of my life. The thing is, all I would need to do is take her off my facebook. We haven't spoken in weeks. The respectful thing to do would be to at least let her know that I am taking her off, but I don't want to have to deal with her reaction and the drama it will probably cause. She has shown little to no respect for me (hence why I don't want her around). Should I let her know or should I just drop her?

2. I'm still struggling between being myself and being afraid of what other people will do to me if I am myself. I would much rather be myself. However, the confidence to do so is still lacking. It's kind of ridiculous since the things I am afraid of happen either way. I don't get along with people even when I do play nice and normal. That said, it will probably get worse when I don't. I am already doing the tips that are given to boost confidence and I really like myself, but it's not enough. How do I get to the point where, say, people not believing me and/or siding with people who hurt or have hurt me doesn't get to me?

3. On a similar note, I want to stop wanting support. It doesn't help me and asking for it just makes me feel paranoid since it usually doesn't turn out well for me. I don't like relying on other people. But I can't seem to make myself stop. Any advice?
I want to ask about how to stop wanting friends too, but I imagine I'll get people telling me I should want friends or something. Well, I'm not likely to have any and I can't trust anyone as it is.

(Sorry for any typos and tiredness.)

1.  It depends on what occured between you two.  It seems like there is a lot of negative energy and no resolving the friendship.  If you feel she has been disrespectful and that is it, then I don't think there is an issue de-friending her without notice. 

2. I struggle with similar things.  The best suggestion I have is to be yourself for your own sake.  It's hard, but that's what's important at the end of the day.  It may hurt when others can't accept you, but that is there loss.  Other's who can will come around and enrich your life.

3.  I think there is a balance issue here.  It's one thing to like support and friends, and another to constantly require these things.  It's healthy to want companionship and the support of others, but it shouldn't always be a requirement for happiness.  The best suggestion is to learn to love yourself and be satisfied with who you are.   That way you will be less likely in need of the support and you will find friends who like the new genuine you.   

While these may not be the best answers, I hope I helped a little. 

Thank you for responding, learningtolive. There is just one thing I want to clarify.

Quote from: learningtolive on August 09, 2013, 11:08:35 PMThe best suggestion is to learn to love yourself and be satisfied with who you are. That way you will be less likely in need of the support and you will find friends who like the new genuine you.

I do love myself. I think I'm awesome and am quite happy being me. Unfortunately, that hasn't stopped me from feeling things like loneliness and hurt neither has it stopped me from wanting to discuss the issues I have surrounding my past.

Quote from: Edge on August 09, 2013, 11:18:58 PM
Thank you for responding, learningtolive. There is just one thing I want to clarify.I do love myself. I think I'm awesome and am quite happy being me. Unfortunately, that hasn't stopped me from feeling things like loneliness and hurt neither has it stopped me from wanting to discuss the issues I have surrounding my past.

Loneliness is difficult.  The best suggestion I have is to socialize as much as possible.  I understand you want to not feel the need for friends and companions, but humans are social animals.  You would be inhuman to not want to talk and be friend others.  If you find it difficult to make friends, you can always join a club or meet up group of some sort.  That way you can do a hobby you like and interact with like minded people at the same time.  Get out and have some fun doing something new or exciting!

Regarding the issues of your past, there is always the option of therapy or opening up to a support group.  I'm not sure about your past, but many of us are here for you should you desire to open up about it.  However, if you prefer a more private and intimate setting, I really would encourage you to speak with a therapist or an in person support group.

Quote from: learningtolive on August 09, 2013, 11:27:57 PM
Loneliness is difficult.  The best suggestion I have is to socialize as much as possible.  I understand you want to not feel the need for friends and companions, but humans are social animals.  You would be inhuman to not want to talk and be friend others.  If you find it difficult to make friends, you can always join a club or meet up group of some sort.  That way you can do a hobby you like and interact with like minded people at the same time.  Get out and have some fun doing something new or exciting!

Regarding the issues of your past, there is always the option of therapy or opening up to a support group.  I'm not sure about your past, but many of us are here for you should you desire to open up about it.  However, if you prefer a more private and intimate setting, I really would encourage you to speak with a therapist or an in person support group.

Animal therapy is a good alternative, if you'd rather not be near people and are capable of getting a pet (capable as in have the permission from parents/landlord/ have the money to get one/etc)

Quote from: Soren on August 09, 2013, 11:30:14 PM
Animal therapy is a good alternative, if you'd rather not be near people and are capable of getting a pet (capable as in have the permission from parents/landlord/ have the money to get one/etc)

Great idea!  Pets, especially cute doggies, are a boy/girls bestfriend. 

Unfortunately, my apartment is too tiny for a pet, but thanks anyway Soren.
The socializing thing is the complete opposite of what I want. I find it difficult to make friends because of my personality, not because I'm not social. I am not willing to change my personality to make or keep friends. Hence why I asked about not wanting them.
I have been to therapy (several) and to several support groups. I have gotten to the point where neither are able to help me anymore. By that I mean they helped, but both me and my therapist agreed that we had gotten to the end of what she could help me with. As in I am currently at the point where other people cannot help me and I have to (and can and want to) do the rest on my own.
Sorry if I sound snarky. I would just really like advice for the things I asked about. Not the opposite.

Sorry. Here's to reply:
1. Unfriend them. No explanation needed. It's facebook, I'm sure that kind of thing happens all the time.

2. Gain confidence? Dress manly until Halloween. On Halloween, dress in the most over-the-top drag you can manage to get through the doorway in. Makeup included. Be a really annoying character. Let it be obvious that the only way you'll ever be female is in a costume. Everyone knows you can't live your whole life playing the wrong part. A stunt like this will help them get that that's what being female to you is.

3. What kind of support is it that you're looking to avoid needing from other people? If you're looking for validation that you're needed, volunteer somewhere. Tell them the proper names and pronouns, and then commence being useful.
If you need information, find a couple of books on researching things, then get a library card if you don't already have one. I find that volunteering once a week for a couple of hours really helps the need to socialize without actually socializing.
For needing friends, well, it depends on how far you're willing to go down that road. I would suggest still staying on a site like this, though. There was a point in time where I relied heavily on a pet fern- that's right. A plant was my friend. A little baby one I got from the craft store.
Reading fiction can also help, especially if you find a book with good characterization, as you can imagine having conversations with the characters where everyone is snarky or supportive, depending on what you need at the time.
BSing on online games can be good to.
Talking to stuffed animals.
Artsy hobbies can be good at making the time go by in a manner where you don't need words.
Conversations with yourself.
Hell, recording your voice on your electronic pocket watch (some people call them "cell phones") and listening to it can be fun, especially if you use funny accents.
(This is rather my forte here, as I only feel the need to talk to my flesh-and-blood friends maybe once every six months or so).
Maybe a hedgehogs? Hedgehogs are cool. Or a gerbil. (You said small apartment, but I thought I'd still suggest a couple tinies.)

A few more for 3-
Start a blog for the sole purpose of bitching about things

Read blogs about something unrelated to gender or sexual orientation (music, obscure historical facts, subcultures, french literature, anything)

Get a 'learn a language' CD

Read comics

Watch movies

Eat blue potatoes (this won't really help anything, but they're awesome)

Edge, you got a kid, you're going to school, and you are burning the candle at both ends.  And dealing with the gender stuff on top of that.

You have earned some support.  I am proud of how far you have come.

Quote from: Soren on August 10, 2013, 12:18:16 AM3. What kind of support is it that you're looking to avoid needing from other people?

I'm not even sure anymore (not counting the times when I ask specific questions which I will continue to do). I just start rambling and it just ends up going in circles.

Quote from: Soren on August 10, 2013, 12:18:16 AM
electronic pocket watch (some people call them "cell phones")

This made me laugh.
Nah, my apartment is really very tiny although I have been tempted to get a snake. Also, there is a lack of money issue.
I am currently teaching myself German. Norwegian and Swedish are next.
Blue potato?
Aww thanks, Jamie.

Quote from: Edge on August 10, 2013, 12:37:03 AM
I'm not even sure anymore (not counting the times when I ask specific questions which I will continue to do). I just start rambling and it just ends up going in circles.

Hmm. Well I can't help too much if even you don't no. Though I personally prefer talking in spirals.

Quote from: Edge on August 10, 2013, 12:37:03 AM
Nah, my apartment is really very tiny although I have been tempted to get a snake. Also, there is a lack of money issue.
I am currently teaching myself German. Norwegian and Swedish are next.
Blue potato?

Ah. Yeah, money issues aren't very good for pets. Maybe a rubber snake? So you can practice on not stepping on it
I've tried German, but the conjugations and the everything ever being gendered were kind of hard for me to 'get'.
They also come in purple. (And are usually inn bags labelled "gourmet potatoes", though buying one and then growing your own from it wouldn't be too hard, though the dirt may be a little expensive to buy when starting.)

Quote from: Soren on August 10, 2013, 12:51:24 AMHmm. Well I can't help too much if even you don't no. Though I personally prefer talking in spirals.

Basically, nothing they can help me with hence why I am asking how to stop. I need to (and want to) do the rest on my own.

Quote from: Edge on August 10, 2013, 12:57:07 AM
Basically, nothing they can help me with hence why I am asking how to stop. I need to (and want to) do the rest on my own.

(Wow, I was seriously misspelling things).
I would say intensive research on what ever it is, but that's not really helpful is it? My friends were never the "lets talk about our feelings/problems" type, so I'm not really sure how you would stop if that were the case with yours....

Quote from: Soren on August 10, 2013, 01:03:41 AMMy friends were never the "lets talk about our feelings/problems" type, so I'm not really sure how you would stop if that were the case with yours....

Yes, that would be it. I am trying to stop talking about my feelings. (Before anyone starts telling me I should, I would like to repeat that I don't want to and it doesn't and can't help me.)

Quote from: Edge on August 10, 2013, 01:07:25 AM
Yes, that would be it. I am trying to stop talking about my feelings. (Before anyone starts telling me I should, I would like to repeat that I don't want to and it doesn't and can't help me.)

Well, I don't really know how to change friends into this type. I think I just made one too many insensitive comments when we were younger and they decided to not talk about this kind of thing near me. (I can only handle someone talking about their feeling for about 10 seconds before I get irritated). Maybe try to get some "hang out" friends? Male ones, obviously, since (according to the TV even "hang out" friends will talk about feeling if they're female). I think other people call 'hang out' friends "friendly acquaintances". It takes me a few years to make one of these, but that's probably just me. My relaxed face is very similar to a scowl (or so I've been told), which keeps people away (except when I'm on a bus and I want it to).

I'll skip number 1. Other answers are good enough.

For number 2, what helped me was to be myself in as many different social situations as possible. I actually joined a few groups that I probably didn't care much about, just so I could experience being seen as female. Don't know if you're past that stage, but it's what worked for me.

For number 3, all I can recommend is to get used to being among the human race. The world is too complex and has too many pitfalls for anyone to navigate alone, even you who has impressive coping skills. I think all of us will always need and enjoy the support of the people around us. I'm certainly not saying you "should want" friends and support, just that they are inevitable and necessary in today's world.

I really hope this helps.

The problem is I most likely won't have any if I act like myself. Not because I'm a guy. That's just one piece and no one really cares. As I said, I have trouble getting along with people when I act nice and normal. In reality, I'm nuts and considerably more abrasive.

Quote from: Edge on August 10, 2013, 09:19:33 AM
The problem is I most likely won't have any if I act like myself. Not because I'm a guy. That's just one piece and no one really cares. As I said, I have trouble getting along with people when I act nice and normal. In reality, I'm nuts and considerably more abrasive.

Same here. Look for people who have no other friends so they feel like they have no other options than to be friends with you.

Quote from: Soren on August 10, 2013, 10:28:10 AM
Same here. Look for people who have no other friends so they feel like they have no other options than to be friends with you.

How do I prevent myself from being that person?