I've been working with a gender therapist for the past month now, and one topic that has come up a couple times is about whether my gender feelings are coming from within or from the outside.  She told me that for transition to ever make sense, these feelings have to come from within, and not be something that I've brought in from the outside.  She had to explain this to me twice before I kind of understood what she was saying.  I'm still not 100% sure I fully understand this concept.  She also told me that I don't have any of the cardinal signs of GID, though I believe she also said that doesn't rule out GID, just that I'm not a typical case, or it could be something else entirely.  She also said that most people usually just know, and that she thinks I probably know as well.  After that session, I could see things both ways, and I was equally in denial about both options.  Either I'm transsexual or I'm really just a male with some feminine tendencies who also does some cross dressing. 
I feel like my feelings have changed quite a bit over the last month.  I think a lot of it is that I've made the decision to let myself explore the feelings I am having, and to be open to wherever it leads me.  Case in point, whenever I refer to myself in the third person I've now begun to use female pronouns, which is something I've only recently felt drawn to do.  I've also come out to a couple of close friends, both of whom have been rather supportive.  It seems like the more I think about my transgender feelings, the stronger they become.  There have been a few instances where I feel like I've flipped back over into male mode, and find myself thinking "what the hell are you doing?", but that has usually passed within a day or two and the trans thoughts are back, front and center.

My question to all of you is does this question / concept of from within vs from the outside make any sense to you?

To me, it makes sense, and it's a question I've asked myself many times.  Am I making myself transgender?  Or is it something that's coming out from within me regardless?

I'm still not sure.  While I'm certain that there's something odd going on with me genderwise, it's almost like the more I read about transgender issues, the more TG I feel.  Is this a self-fulfilling prophesy, or is it a natural progression that would occur no matter what?

I think that's what she's getting at.  Are your TG feelings something that you're feeling because you're TG, or because you're seeing and reading about others who are TG?

Trust me, I lose sleep over this issue!  But it's an important question to ask.  Perhaps it could be rephrased as follows: are you TG, or do you just want to be TG?

Yes it does to me, to me it's all about how a person sees himself from within and recognizing the outside things but most of all being honest with self, I'm not a professional so just stating how I see myself , I have accepted myself as female in male body, I am what I am and very happy with it

Zoe, you're not alone in trying to figure out your feelings. Being very early in my own TG journey, I have many moments where I feel unquestionably all woman, then all male and then nethier where I ask what the heck am I doing or thinking. Because of that I am taking an open approach similar to what you've talked about, its great you have supportive friends and family, I am still in closet until I figure out who and when to tell.

The inside/outside feelings make perfect sense to me, as I am trying to figure that out myself. I only know I have felt this way for awhile, there was a period from Jr. High to after college where I dreamed of waking up as a girl, and before wanted to play only with the girls, so I know my feelings aren't going away. Right now, I am trying to get down to core and figure out how I see myself.

Good Luck, I hope you find how you feel on the inside and happiness!!!

Amy

I have noticed from your previous posts that you are a little uncertain about the HRT, but you have seemed fairly certain about the feminine side of you.

it seems you want to express being trans - just not sure how far or fast you want to transition (maybe out of fear of the permanence? or the effects? I am not certain)

but if with her you can examine this maybe it will help you.

for me at least - I knew who I was when I was 3 - but it is not the same for everyone - and will may not be so easy of a decision for you. A little self exam will just help each day.

HRT is something I am very open to now, and in all honesty is something that I've been really wanting to try.  If I didn't have to worry about the consequences of what HRT would bring, I would have no problems with starting it, however that is not the world we all live in.  While I have some supportive friends, I have not told any of my family members about it yet.  I'm not expecting them to be supportive of it at all.  I had a couple hours to think about things today while driving home from an event, and my thoughts were on the cost / benefit of transitioning.  My concern is with "the grass is always greener on the other side", and that while I may end up being happier after transitioning, will that be worth the costs involved?  Couple that with the thought that my trans feelings may be manageable now, but what about a few years down the road?  I always hear people say that the earlier you transition the better, so what if my feelings become less manageable later on and I could have just gone through transition now when it may not have been an absolute necessity today.  On the positive side, I've got some time to work through all of these thoughts and feelings.  I've decided to not let myself begin HRT until after I get below 200 pounds.  I'm just under 250 now, so that gives me about 5 months or so at my current pace (back in March I was at 310).