I've been reading, and searching these forums for years, but never got around to joining.
I got unexpected money when my mom passed, and am able to start transitioning. It is such a blessing, and I wish everyone got this lucky.
Growing up, I was in and out of state care, so it's hard for me to find out a lot about my childhood. I don't remember much.
However, I generally was dressed more boyish. When I lived with my mom she dressed me in jeans and T-Shirts with some character affiliation. Lion King! When I was in state care, it was a lot of donated clothing, and we were able to go to this storage room and pick clothes. I generally just grabbed what was comfortable, whatever caught my fancy. I didn't really think about gender.
I once got really mad in the supermarket when some man called me a boy when I was like 7. I also hated dressing in girls clothes in high school, but my aunt would not allow me to wear boys clothes. Overall, my gender has always been all over the place. I also never really saw what you liked or disliked as male/female. I don't know if I've ever, in one moment, been truly "male or female". Tho I don't totally understand what those words mean, other than what society tells us, and feminine/masculine.
When I came out as lesbian, I didn't really like being called lesbian, I never told anyone, but I was really confused about if I was gay not because I liked a girl, but because I thought of myself as the guy in the sex scenes. I couldn't get off sometimes unless I thought about my "masculine mind body".
I finally started looking into the transgender community in 2010. I immediately told some close friends I was FTM, and then felt super dysphoric. Finally I ran across the term genderqueer, and stuff explaining non binary genders and I was like THIS.
At the heart of my identity I am a masculine non binary person. I want T, top surgery, and a hystro (preferably one where I don't have to maintain T, but idk).
I picked the term genderqueer boi when registering on a wonderful queer porn website. lol. but it seems to describe me well. it feels right.
I'm not totally sure "who I'm into", but I'm starting to realize it's way too difficult to describe, because I'm sexually attracted to all kinds of people. I tend to fall for petite, gentle, calming people in my life who are quirky, funny and openminded.
I love tumblr. A bunch of tv shows. and talking about peoples life experiences.
With peace,
Spencer
