i know i shouldn't think this way and everybody keep telling me it will get better and i have to be patien,but thats too much,everything against me,not only the GID problem but its more than that my life if i describe it with one word i will say hell,no friends,no family,parents fights everyday and every moment ,no job anymore,i swear if i write billion words it wont discribe how i feel or what i live and struggle everyday,normal people wake up everyday to live an other day but i wake up to an other fight,it start with parents fights i can hear them from my bed i can hear them insult eashothrs and i prefet to not leave the bed,cause i know dad will insult me too and 4 no reason and mom will tell me again what he did ,so i stay in my room till i get hungry i go eat and comeback bed again,does is look like life to anyone of you?!i'm not asking for money or being rich im not asking 4 miracles im asking for a normal life like a humen being,i think if i live to the other word maybe there is a better life waiting me there,for me i'm already dead,i never being alife i was just breathing there is a big diferent btw live and just breathing,i"ve heard ''sucide not the solution''but trust me its not a life i wouldn't wish it to my best enemies,i never talk this way b4 everybody who know me know me as a strong guy  but inside i'm dieying i'm not that person who show emotions,thank you everybody here who commented my subjects b4 and give me advise u were a real family,susan's place transgender is my family thnx a lot love u guys <3

Please do not kill yourself. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Call a suicide hotline if you need to.

You have no idea how much i can relate. Things can get better, but you have to find the motivation to change things. I personally struggle motivating myself so i know it is really difficult. I have no idea "how i do it". I contemplate wanting a 'happy life', the effects on my family, and how "it" might go wrong. - I could go on, but i am not going to. Instead I am going to send you a message.

Hey Jossef, I hope you are doing okay right now. People here care.

Whenever I feel like you do I read this site: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ It helps put things in perspective. Read it, seriously.

I can so relate to your situation of having no friends, no job and your parents arguing all the time. That is my life pretty much.

But you are a handsome young man. And your life will turn around. Be too stubborn to die. Your life will get better.

If you end it now, you will never get to experience all the joys and wonders of life.

Good words from all the people here. Life is now & it can be painful taking your life prematurely. Deny any wrongful things your Dad says about you & let him know he should be respectful of you that he brought into this world with love. With quarreling parents perhaps you could try to be the peace maker. It takes a lot of patience & time to get your education & working to gain that independence to be out of the house, on your own & creating the life you want to live. If you have a hobby interest, join a group & socialize, you will develop friendships. Be positive & don't give up.

Jamiep

I use to hate my self and shut my self away in my bedroom and had no life, yeah it sucks but you need to stick it up. And face it for now till you can sort something out your self when you have the money to move else where safe.

Being on here helps too and chat to other people too, it really does help. You are a handsome fella, it might take a long time but you will get there jossef.

I'm sorry you're in such a crappy situation right now Jossef. Please know that it can get better. In 2008 I was to the point of wanting to commit suicide and it got so bad that my therapist told me to go to the hospital. I felt like nothing would ever get better, that I was stuck where I didn't want to be. But now, 5 years later, I've started transition, am at school, living on my own.

There are so many cool things waiting to happen in your life. And they WILL happen, trust me. Life is not usually rosy all the time, but there are those moments where things are so great, and you just need to wait for them. Hopefully you'll be able to move out eventually, and then who knows what's in store.

Please keep talking on here. It helps to have an outlet. Thanks for reaching out.

Quote from: jossef-ftm on August 12, 2013, 06:07:48 AM
i know i shouldn't think this way and everybody keep telling me it will get better and i have to be patien,but thats too much,everything against me,not only the GID problem but its more than that my life if i describe it with one word i will say hell,no friends,no family,parents fights everyday and every moment ,no job anymore,i swear if i write billion words it wont discribe how i feel or what i live and struggle everyday,normal people wake up everyday to live an other day but i wake up to an other fight,it start with parents fights i can hear them from my bed i can hear them insult eashothrs and i prefet to not leave the bed,cause i know dad will insult me too and 4 no reason and mom will tell me again what he did ,so i stay in my room till i get hungry i go eat and comeback bed again,does is look like life to anyone of you?!i'm not asking for money or being rich im not asking 4 miracles im asking for a normal life like a humen being,i think if i live to the other word maybe there is a better life waiting me there,for me i'm already dead,i never being alife i was just breathing there is a big diferent btw live and just breathing,i"ve heard ''sucide not the solution''but trust me its not a life i wouldn't wish it to my best enemies,i never talk this way b4 everybody who know me know me as a strong guy  but inside i'm dieying i'm not that person who show emotions,thank you everybody here who commented my subjects b4 and give me advise u were a real family,susan's place transgender is my family thnx a lot love u guys <3

I enjoy your company here on the site and I can relate even when I know it diffrent situation. some years ago before there where knowlegde about transgender youth and my parrent still where ignorents I where bacically living in my room 24/7 all the time and like you said "not living just breathing" , I remember making a song about it, "tomorrow is the end of today"

I know your facing alot of problems, and by all the fighting you get exhausted its naturally, and unfurtunatly being a fighter is part of being trans.
fell free to contact me anytime about anything personal or information,

With life comes hope.

Try to break down your goals into small steps. When all you can see is the the final goal it becomes insurmountable. Set up small steps to get to where you want to be and then each goal becomes a victory.

As for the home situation get out of the house even if its only for a few hours. Get out and enjoy the sunshine, enjoy the wind take pleasure in the small things. When there is a fight going on and you stay in your room you are still in the negativity your parents are causing. Also if the home situation is bad look for help getting out of here check for government programs or maybe even other organizations.

Jossef, we need you around, no suicide, please. If you don't like your life, change it, but don't end it. And here's a tip: The best way to feel better is to make someone else feel better. Hugs, Devlyn

I think many of us understand what it's like to have suicidal thoughts. This isn't easy at all and knowing some of what you face in your Country it's even harder for you. Make a plan of action. A list of what you want to have/do in your life and work towards those goals. Try to focus on anything positive in your life.

I've had dark times too. Many days the only thing that kept me going was the possibility of a better tomorrow. Your journey isn't over and you'll never know how it ends or how happy you might be one day if you cut it short. Keep pressing on for a better tomorrow.

Hey Jossef, here's some numbers for hotlines in your country: http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/brazil-suicide-hotlines.html

Quote from: Si on August 12, 2013, 06:54:37 PM
I think many of us understand what it's like to have suicidal thoughts. This isn't easy at all and knowing some of what you face in your Country it's even harder for you. Make a plan of action. A list of what you want to have/do in your life and work towards those goals. Try to focus on anything positive in your life.

I've had dark times too. Many days the only thing that kept me going was the possibility of a better tomorrow. Your journey isn't over and you'll never know how it ends or how happy you might be one day if you cut it short. Keep pressing on for a better tomorrow.

And, Simon's right. 

Quote from: Si on August 12, 2013, 06:54:37 PM
I think many of us understand what it's like to have suicidal thoughts. This isn't easy at all and knowing some of what you face in your Country it's even harder for you. Make a plan of action. A list of what you want to have/do in your life and work towards those goals.

This. Most of us have been at the end of our rope at some point. However, most of us live in countries where it's easier to transition. There has got to be a way for you to be who you are. Is there any way for you to get out of there? Move to another country, I mean?

Jossef, please don't kill yourself! This is my first post here and when i saw your post i just felt i had to comment on it. You can't even imagine how much i can relate to you! I live a miserable life myself too. All the time i keep thinking about suicide because sometimes i just can't take it any longer. I am pre-everything and i have an awful chest dysphoria. I don't have the money at the moment to do anything about it. I have never had a boyfriend (i am gay). I hate my body and i don't want to be liked for my female body which i just totally hate! I hate straight guys who like me because it makes me hate my body even more! I hate them for liking the parts i hate the most and it makes my dysphoria even worse!

I have no friends, everybody thinks i am too strange for them, i can't be friends with girls cos i am not interested in anything they have to say: fashion, clothes, straight boys - i don't need any of that. I can't be friends with guys too cos i live in a pretty intolerant country where guys think girls should look and act like girls and i definitely don't fit into any standards. I live in a country where we don't have any gender specialists at all!!! Believe it or not this country is in the middle of Europe. Yet there are no medical support available for us here. No gender specialists, no support groups, nothing. If i had the money it wouldn't be a problem at all cos i could go somewhere else but i don't have the money, i am not rich at all. I am so stuck.

I am on antidepressants at the moment because of suicidal thoughts and a very deep depression. But i am trying to cope somehow. Even though sometimes i think it would have been so much easier if i just ended it all. But please don't do it. If you want i can be your friend! Yes you don't know me and you are far away but trust me it will be easier for both you and me if we could talk more. Please don't kill yourself! You can PM me or email me any time!

it's ok to think that way. i tend to do the same quite often, but in the end i always decide against it. not really for the hope of a better life, i don't even know how possible that really is seeing as life can do the most horrible things to me at the worst possible moments. i've nobody there to support me either, my parents can't possibly be better than yours, if anything they're worse. and my siblings aren't any good support either. one of my brothers is doing just as bad as you, maybe even worse. he never gets out of bed because of quarreling parents and all those insults and additions to his stress. but he is too stubborn to end his life just because of them (he'll never give them the pleasure or grief of having killed him), he's even too stubborn to commit a crime that would make the world a better place for many despite me giving him my full support.

i live in that same place, and am kind of happy in the whole mess. probably because i got a job. lose that and i'll be way below 0 again. work is such a great place to get away from a house where nobody could thrive, but it can still break me down quite a lot with too much stress some times. i'll get through it though, i swear i will. if not for anything else, then for those few good moments i have with my daughter and all of the friends who are there for me (or would be if i just let them) rather than trying to such the last sliver of life out of me.

i'm allergic to stress combined with a bad consciousness btw. even just a little bit of bad consciousness, no matter how small the thing was, will throw me into an endless spiral of darkness if i get too much stress hormones in my body. i'll start expecting the end of my life and add to my stress instead of trying to find out how to relieve it, and in the end i'm a tense bundle of too much anxiety. "i don't want this. it would be better if i never existed". i was there yesterday, today i'm closer to getting annoying things over and done with and relieving some of my stress. maybe i'll feel alive again by the weekend. it took me really long to be able to consciously break the cycle of doom that my mind manages to make me, but it is possible. and living is so good that it's worth just barely breathing through all the suffering.

and just to say, i'm not that strong. people often think i am, i've no idea why. i could break at any moment, shatter into pieces so small i'd rather call it dust. but i mend the cracks i find the best i can. yesterday i started building a new house on a norwegian minecraft server, deciding to leave any and all matters to today, no sooner than 11am. somehow it worked, and i got some sleep tonight. and today i could finally start thinking constructively about solving a couple issues. still haven't gotten myself out of that house, but i'll get by till tomorrow at least. maybe things will even get better tomorrow.

encouraging myself like this, i suddenly notice that the sun is shining, and i like it. i think the stress hormones are finally dissolving, leaving me able to cope a little better. i still don't trust i'll be able to get through it without a scratch, but i'm also not too sure that there's any point in ending my life.

it's interesting how the brain can work against us, but by taking some time to feel whether the air you're breathing is fresh enough, and air out if needed, you can trick your brain to think it's not that bad after all. i know that's not easy with constant reminders from parents who simply refuse to take things easy, but if you can just get a single moment without that stress, it might help enough to get through another day. try turning your thought from "i still can't get a job" to "i still can apply for more jobs (yay!)". pretend it's the best thing that could ever happen, think it again, and you'll notice that you almost believe in your own trickery. i wouldn't have survived if i didn't start making up ridiculous life-saving techniques like this. i'm feeling better than i've done for years, even in a home not so unlike yours.

i'll keep practicing until i believe i can fly. not planning to jump off a cliff to prove it though.

(well, since you are you, this might not work at all. but i'm sure there is something for you as well, somewhere, if you just look enough. you might even need help from a friend or therapist to find it, but this world is so big is has to exist somehow. my brother says i tend to simplify matters too much, and that might be true. i simplify matters because for me, it's easier to deal with simple matters.)

i know how you feel. i think we've all been there at some point. if you ever need to talk to someone, i'm here. i'm not the best at dealing with this kind of stuff and i'm not the best at advice but i'll listen. you aren't alone as you think you are. hang in there buddy.

I very honestly dont think I have much to add to all these great replies. I just want to say that I agree with them, and that you REALLY should NOT kill yourself. Hang in there mate. You can get out of there! People DO care about you and you are NOT alone *big hug*
Other than just saying that and expressing my support, I cannot say anything that hasnt been said already. Sorry. Wish I could be of more help.

I can understand feeling alone. There are times i have been just about to cut myself with a razor and would just start crying when i would think abuot things. My family wont talk to me. Ive been told if i continue on with my transition, i wont be allowed to come back. I do work. but i am not allowed to correct customers when they call me a girl. Been there and i still fight with it, wondering if it would be better if i wasnt there to be 'too weird' for family or the few friends i have. My mom is so proud of her youngest son when he holds down a job and so proud of my sister with her marriage and having two kids. (im not allowed to see them). but not once do i see anywhere on her FB conversations does she mention her eldest (me) she wont respond to messages nor ever answer a post. My dad is the same way. (parents arent together) So a lot time i do feel like i am alone. usually listen to music to try and up beat

Hi Jossef, now I don't really know you but there is one thing I do know: You are worthy of having a good life and you will find a way to get a better life. Last yaer I was in the same place as you (not for the same reasons) and I realized that you have to keep going for yourself. You owe it to your future-'really happy and living an awesome life'-self to hang in there. One day you'll be living as a man, you'll have an amazing partner and a great job. The only way you'll ever see better times is by fighting now! I know it's hard, and I think you're fantastic for holding on already and I know (and I think we all now) you CAN DO IT! I believe in you Jossef!