Quote from: Donna Elvira on August 12, 2013, 12:57:47 PM
Hi Ltl,
First, a late reaction to your question regarding a suitable name. I thought about it when I first saw your post and nothing really came to mind but since you seem to like names that start with "M", I thought Melanie might be nice. Similar sound to Molly but a little softer I think...
Apart from that, it was nice to see you and a couple of other people on this thread finally put some content around what "being a woman" meant to you and I am still struggling to understand why putting words on this question, other than just saying "I am a woman" period, seems to be so difficult for so many of the contributors here.
Anyway, assuming you reach your goal of passing as described above and I am sure you will, I think you will discover that you are actually becoming something different to what you are now quite simply because people will react differently to you.
Being recognized by others as a woman or as a man has an immediate impact on the way they react to you and this also has an impact on the way you react to them. That's what social conditioning is all about and we are just as exposed to social conditioning as anyone else.
If you are interested in this subject, a book you might enjoy is "The pyschology of gender" a collection of studies on how gender identity is formed. I particularly liked this theme: https://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/reprints/index.php?page=request_article&site_id=51&article_id=1620 but, in my mind, the whole book is worth reading.
I am thinking about this a lot right now as I recently starting asking my friends and even my children for testimonial letters to support my civil identity change filing (in France such letters are necessary). Without any prompting from me, almost everyone who has answered so far has spoken about how much I had changed over the last couple of years, not just physically but also psychologically, that a different, gentler person had progressively emerged.
It was heartening to read but it also very much confirmed what I thought when I started out on this journey, that in our interactions with others, being perceived as a woman or a man has a huge impact on how people behave towards us. Over time this forcilbly impacts our own behaviours, reinforcing some aspects of our personality and no doubt weakening others in a self fulfilling process.
So, based on my experience, no matter how much you believe you are not "becoming female", I strongly suspect that how you actually live the reality of being female will change more than you can possibly imagine when people really start seeing you as a female.
Enjoy the journey!
Donna
I suppose there is truth to that. I've always looked at it from the perspective that I will still be me, but finally be given the societal privilege to interact with others as me. People will notice major changes; however, those visible differences in personality will represent who I always have been on the inside. Having said that, once you are able to express yourself as you are, it's not guaranteed that things won't change (including yourself). In fact, its likely that things will be different. I think I'm okay with that. I love who I am, but I will be fine if I change for the better (or what I deem would be for the better).
Quote from: victoria n on August 14, 2013, 03:00:46 PM
since I am not a women I don't know what is like to be one. If I had dominate female DNA I would be a woman. Humans get 1/2 their DNA from their father and 1/2 from their mother. This is where the mental conflict originates in transsexuals and transpeople . A fight for dominance.
Trans means as mtf a person was born with male DNA and a male brain. Not a female brain !
SRS main goal is for those people for what ever reason want to look like the opposite sex. It is not meant to cure anything. SRS can cause problems post op like depression. suicidal behavior and the dreaded Regret. , something the promoters and wpath soc and gender therapists say nothing about.
Wpath says Nothing about post op except to keep in touch w/ your shrink. and says nothing about DNA.
I want to thank wpath, my gender therapists, the promoters of SRS for The Post Op Regret I have. ( (I followed the soc and other stuff. )Thank You. Genital surgery on perfectly healthy males . quite a concept.
Sorry to here about your situation, but I disagree with some of your claims. While I don't judge you for your personal testimony on transitioning, I don't think it is fair to claim that the medical establishment is set out against trans people (especially when examining the vigorous gatekeeping process). Most, in fact, would never advance anyone who claimed that they are "men" and show a lack of desire to actually transition. Having said that, I do feel sorry for what has happened to you and the fact that you regret all of your decisions. It's clear that transitioning is not right for everyone. I do think people should take these stories into account because it isn't the path for everyone. Although it will help many of us who are trans, it's not the answer for everyone. Remember, this is your life. Consider the consequences before you go ahead and take any major actions as you are responsible for your own life.