So Im new and I Need to share with some one, My husband of 6 years started telling me, he wanted to be me just like me a woman,I took it as a joke and fantasy in the bed room. Well 3 weeks ago things started to change, he started with my clothes, I still though it was fantasy and help him by getting him a wig and doing his nails. Well to my surprise it was not fantasy he really wants to be a girl. We went on vacation 2 weeks ago and it was all about that,we came back and is all about that, he order hormone treatments the he started a week and a half ago and has a counseling appt this coming week. I love him so much and will be by his side always, but I never been with a woman. I do like watching some movies with girls but do not want to be with a woman. But with him is different. He goes to work as a man and come home and spend all night in the bed room as a woman, I will spend my time with him there with him talking and helping with make up or what ever. Just yesturday I went shopping for her and last week we did our nails together but no color on him. he does has his feet color that we did at home and it felt good to help and guide her, but I feel like Im cheating on my husband, I feel like maybe Im endolging the behavior but she is so happy more than I ever seen in all are years together. Our kids are older my youngest is 15 he worries about everything, he think he would loose theire love and respect.
I have  2 kids, 15 and 20  and he has to kids that dont leave with us 16 and 20 I also know he will loose them if he comes out but I pray in time they will be back in his/her life. Im confuse and hart broken I was so happy with the man I married but he wasnt. thinks will get better little by little. Know you know everything about me and my thoughs I have more but I think this is good for now. I havent cry yet but I feel it coming. One thing I know for sure I wont leave him I love him and waited my hole life to meet him. I just hope he dosnt leave me, he says he is not in to men and thats not what he wants he just want to be a girl with me as his wife. But Im so affraid this could change and it will break me if I loose him after all the changes Im making to my life just to be with him. Should I be worry?

*sympathy* It sounds like this was a hell of a shock, and also that she's moving awfully fast (1.5 weeks from telling you to hormones?!). No wonder you're staggering. That is kind of inconsiderate; you're obviously doing your best, but she's not giving you any time at all to adjust. I can understand feeling like you're cheating on him, when this new woman springs fully-grown into your life with basically no warning. She's lucky to have someone as supportive as you, and I hope she appreciates that. You might want to look into therapy for yourself as well - I found it very helpful sometimes.

My wife transitioned fully in 11 months, and I thought THAT was fast. Yikes. In fact, it was often too fast for me. I'm amazed you're hanging in there.

I was scared of the same thing, that my wife would end up only liking men and leave me. I can't promise that she won't do that to you, no one can, but don't listen to the people who tell horror stories. Transition can sometimes make people interested in genders they weren't before, but it rarely cancels out the love and attraction a person already has. She probably will not decide she only wants men (but she might be attracted to them too). Your spouse seems pretty sure that she won't, too.

(I'm using female pronouns because you did sometimes, but if it's hurtful for you, please say so and I won't. This is a supportive place for YOU, and right now your needs matter most.)

Thank you so much, Im just very ignorant to what terms to use, he still a man but dresses at night in the bed room so Im not dure what terms to use yet. but Im ok either way. I dont want to offend any one im just lerning. I keep telling him /her  to take it slow and to be patient, to wait to speak to the doctor, he is a mess but since he order the medicine and has been using for almost a week now I know he is so sure but confused I just wished he would of waited to talk to the doctor. He says the medicine keeps he calm tho. better then if he didnt take it. I want to cry so bad becuase Im so scared for him. Im so affraid for him for me. I love him so much and he keeps thanking me for been with him and support him but I dont get why the rush. I keep telling him baby steps but it dosnt seem to work. I hope with his visit to the doctor something will click.
To be honest Im affraid people will see me as a lesbian and im not. but with him I can be I guess. Intimacy has not been a problem so far but I wonder if he /she hides things from me so I wont be hurt. I talk to him about this but he says He dosnt hide anything. We always told each other everything but know im worry. that is why i cant break down he will notice and be more stress out. so if im hiding this from him he maybe doing the same. He cant handle my worries I know is wrong and right to keep it away from him but when he is better i will share with him but right now is about him not me. And Im ok with that. What can I say to slow him down Im so worried about this medicine. He is doing good but he is so confuse I wish he would of waited.I worried more the he will leave me for another woman. He is so beautiful as a man and as a woman and Im trying to read and understand but what about if that is not enough.

Sorry for the spelling english is my 2 language

You do a lot better in English than I do in my second language (Spanish). Please let me know if you want me to say something differently or it was hard to understand.

The "right" term is what she wants, but it sounds like she doesn't know that yet, which is common early on.

Talking to a doctor is a good idea. She'll probably be OK, most people are, but you can tell her that my wife would have died if she'd tried hormones without a doctor. It sounds like she's desperate to make progress now that she's started, which is understandable, but it's so hard on you and people around her.

I was the same way, but thinking too much about the future can drive you crazy. People might see you as a lesbian, yes, but by then you might be all right with it.

I remember how hard it was when I couldn't talk about anything with her, and it seemed like nobody else understood. There are people here who know what it's like, and eventually you're right that you *will* be able to talk to and depend on her again.

If she hasn't left you for another woman before now, she probably won't because of this - from what you say, she does know how lucky she is to have you. It's very, very hard to date as a trans person; that's kind of a cruel reassurance, but it's true that she'll have more trouble finding someone else (if she even wants to, and it seems like she doesn't) as a trans woman than as a man. The most important part is that you both love each other and want to find a way through this together. Most couples who feel that way do stay together, and you're certainly doing your best for her.

Hi no your fine is me I think in spanish and some time my thoughs are not organize. Thank you so much I was so disprated for help and Thanks to you Im getting somethings of my chest. I worried that if he goes back to him self as a man he will be mad at me for encourange this situattion. Today she is working as a man but his text have been a little mean about a few things we talk about.so I know is him and not her.I imagine trying to work as a man but thinking as a woman has to make him nuts,oh it sounds that way today. But today for me is starting to hit me and is very sad for me that I had no one to talk to until you. So really from the bottom of my hart thank you. I havent really wanted to think of my feelings all im focus is on her so i dont think and crash. I have to be strong for both of us it was always the other way around. Im glad she is at work today I cant deal right now Im affraid of what make come out of my mouth. I do wonder if I can do this full time. I told her it will be fine but the thruth is i dont know. I keep thinking is a playful game since is only when were are alone. But could i do this full time? I know I will but will I be happy my worried is because I never wanted to be with a woman. Dont get me wrong when she is her self I think she is so pretty and I want to be with her.But I know is because she still is a man. she has no plans on taking anything off, so it helps me I guess. After  reading a few things in here yesturday I ask her if I needed to change in the bedroom and she said no, that if she wanted something different she would ask. But that she is happy what we got in the bedroom.
I can feel my self been drained of talking and seen this woman so much going on in such a shorth period of time. I feel like I need a brake just for one day but I know is not right I need to face this head on I just wish It could be one day just about us, family instead the last 3 weeks it has been about her. It my been selfish, probably but I will keep it in,she needs me.

I don't think you're being overly selfish.  You are human too.  He probably had most of his life to think about this and he has given you a few days, he cannot expect you to quickly accept everything.  I think its fair to ask for him to slow down and give you a break.  Yes he is suffering and doesn't want to live as a man any more than he has to but he has to think of you too and take it a bit slower.

(You can also write to me in Spanish if you'd rather; I don't speak it very well but I can read fine.)

It's not selfish at all! This is a LOT to take in, and she's rushing so fast on top of that. Plus it's very hard to be without your best friend/support because she's so focused on all of this.

Honestly, you can try asking her to take a day or two off and let you rest. Tell her that you want to be there for her, but this is really hurting you right now. That's not selfish, it's compromise. Seriously, I spent 11 months feeling like you do and it was hell. I can't even imagine having it dumped on me in less than a month and her on hormones within a week. If you push yourself too hard, you'll break down, and then she won't have anyone to support her either. She should *want* you to take are of yourself.

Also? You "encouraged" this because you love her and want her to be happy. SHE wanted this, and you went along with it. She has no right to be angry at you for that (and it sounds like that's just something you're afraid of, which probably won't happen). I know it's hard not to keep imagining worst-case situations, though.

Ud. tiene amigas aquí que comprenden la situación, y buena suerte.

Muchas gracias, I do know if I ask for her to slow down or if I say something like I need a break she will close on me, I know her and cant take that chance. So I have no choice but to speak here and keep going. I think after she goes to see the counselor maybe I can try but not now. I ask last week before it was confirm by her that this is what she wanted to just give me a break on my anniversary date and it really didnt happend, so I know she try but it didnt worked and I didnt want to be up set or up set her. The next morning my husband was gone or what was left of him and my wife was there in his place and since then is been 2 weeks of nothing but her. I saw a glimmes of him monday because she went back to work and had to put up a show so when she came home I was shock again and wanted to cry, I went as far as close my eyes an though it was a dream and that now I was waking up, then she change  and I can see and hear how sad she was, so I concentraded on that and pull my pain a side. Im just confuse I want her to be happy and I will adapt because my love for her is bigger than anything else.I need to believe then in a a week maybe I will be able to tell her to slow down just a little bit and she wont shut me out.

OK, I can understand that, although it's making things much much harder for you. I remember feeling that way too - that she was much happier as a woman at home, but *I* got some relief from seeing her present as a man to go to work, so that my husband was back for a little while. I hope that once she believes this won't be taken away, she'll be willing to compromise with you and give you some time away from all of this.

Bad Girl, let me add a thought here, if I may.  You stated in your post that your husband had ordered hormones.  My guess is that s/he has not see a doctor about that, has not had blood tests, and is not doing it legally.

That is not good, and your husband can damage her health.

I understand how strong the feeling is to become a woman.  It is called gender dysphoria.  There is a right way to deal with that, and a wrong way.  Your husband, I suspect, is doing it the wrong way.

I have to agree that your spouse is more than rushing things. It sounds like running full speed ahead. Which is not uncommon since it is a great relief to finally let someone else know and find that they accept you knowing that. Though my wife knew from almost our first date some 30+ years ago that I was trans-gendered, when I finally had to really confront who or what I am several years ago it was difficult for her, as well as for me.

People need time to adjust, to understand. In essence he has unilaterally redefined your marriage, and your future dreams of a life together. In the space of several weeks you were, in essence, told you no longer have a husband but a girl-friend. Totally unfair in my opinion.  Besides, it seems, not really thinking through what inevitable effect hormones will have on him both physically and emotionally. Let alone being able to hide them.

I would be worried too.

Thank you all for your words, she will be going to a counselor tonight and I hope the  doctor talks about his medice and how it may not be safe. After reading a few comments, we had a conversation and I told her to slow down and she did. Yesturday she was so worry about her meeting this evening. I hope it helps her and I can get time to get used to the different changes to come. I love him a lot and Im loving her female self, I just hope I love them both the same.

I'm glad she was willing to listen to you, and to slow down for your sake. I hope the counselor can help.