Hi everyone!

So I'm never great at starting to write so I'm really just going to vent what's going on in my life right now.

I came out as being transgender just under a year ago, and have been on Hrt for four months as of August 22nd. The deeper into transition I go the more I've been uncovering the truth of why I'm really transitioning, Because at the core of me all I really want is to be a female (I think that's a pretty good reasoning, if the body dysphoria wasn't enough :/)

But recently a few things have come up and really make me doubt myself as to if I'm really transgendered or not...

I should say before I go any farther, For a long time in my life I was on my own. from the time I was really young I felt like I didn't have a group of friends to be around. I look at the childhoods of my cis friends and I notice they're all full of sleep overs, little league matches, gymnastics & dance classes, what essentially is their social learning of their own gender with the peer group that feels correct to them. I don't feel like I had that, I've always hid myself away from the world, feeling really depressed and alone for a long time all I did was attend school, eat, and sleep ( and feel really bad about myself while doing it.) I don't feel like I've ever been able to form real friendships with people or even have real conversations with anyone.

I started HRT four months ago and from the moment I started E It felt really right for me ( I tend to be more driven by emotions than anything bouncing around in my head, so the fact that I felt really good starting estrogen was big for me) now I'm four months in and I'm not only amazed by how my body is changing but there's a dramatic difference in how I've been feeling too! I don't contemplate suicide every other day, I wake up happy to be alive and not wishing I was still sleeping, I really enjoy my life. I actually wake up in good moods and I actually care about where my life is heading!

Which is why this next part is unendingly confusing for me. I was just recently able to land my first ever REAL JOB! xD and I've met some really amazing trans women in my area who've been open and accepting with me. So my life is going amazing for the first time ever! But the more I talk with people with feminine minds and who've been either transitioning or are cis, the more I notice that I don't really know how to have a conversation, and even more so.. I don't interact socially as a female... Most of the time when I'm talking to someone I just don't know what to say and even more so, there's nothing in my head to say, I love listening and I'm great at understanding where someone is coming from but I just don't have anything to say in response. most of the time this just makes me feel like I have some sort of cognitive disorder, like I'm slightly slow or something.

So I'm really curious as to if this is just a cultural barrier I need to work through by being around more women and interacting in that environment. or if it's like some of my coworkers have whispered about, and I'm not really a girl.

Input would be amazing.

One thought I have is "Don't trade one stereotype for another." Don't worry if you are a stereotypical woman, or like a cisfemale or not. Instead, ask yourself some of the following questions:

- "Am I happy / happier?"
- "Do I feel right in my skin?"
- "Does this feel correct to me when I go to bed, live during the day, and go to sleep at night?"
- "Do I want to live the rest of my life as a woman?"

These are some of the questions you may want to ask yourself, and/or work through with your therapist. I think the root of frustration begins when we compare ourselves to others and how they live their lives.  I know a lot of women who would rather hang out with men - either they are not really girly, or they are girly but just find they like the social dynamics better. There is no right path, only your path.

Why not try hanging out with some girls for awhile, and maybe go on some social outings or functions, and just see how it goes? Take it as an adventure and use the time to find where you belong.  Your social identity and interaction doesn't necessarily need to align to your gender preference.  That's normal - and you should not pressure yourself to be in a box.

Best,

Toni

Being able to listen is sometimes a rare gift, don't underestimate it many will treasure that in you. Also when you grow up in a different situation then most you have to develop a connection with people. What do you have in common with these people, find that and conversation will come.

I use to shudder and stammer, started at about 5 or 6 and lasted through college. I goggled some convo starters. I think I will send them to my work e-mail too. If you can lead a person to open up then they love to talk about themselves.

Ice Breakers

•Where did you grow up?
•Do you have any pets?
•Do you have any siblings?
•Do you know what your name means?
•What type of phone do you have?
•What did you do this past weekend?
•What are your plans for this weekend?
•What do you like to do in your spare time?
•What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
•What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?
•What is your middle name?
•What was the last thing you purchased?
•What is your favorite holiday?
•What is your favorite day of the week?
•If you could meet anyone in history, who would it be?
•What do you like to do to relax?
•Are you a saver or a spender?
•Do you play any instruments?


Childhood Questions

•What was your favorite childrens book?
•What is your first childhood memory?
•What type of kid were you (e.g. spoiled, rebellious, well-behaved, quiet, obnoxious...)?
•What is one thing you miss about being a kid?
•What did you want to grow up to be when you were younger?


 

School/Work Topics

•Where did (do) you go to school?
•What was (is) your favorite subject?
•What was (is) your least favorite subject?
•What's the first thing you do after school/work?
•Were you the class clown or teacher's pet?
•What do you do for a living?
•What is your dream job?
•If you had $10 million, would you still be working/going to school?
•What was your least favorite job that you've ever had?
•Have you ever been fired?


Relationship Questions

•What is the first think you notice about a guy or girl?
•Have you ever been in love?
•Do you believe in soul mates?
•What are your turn offs?
•Do you believe in love at first sight?
•Do you prefer short hair or long hair on a guy/girl?
•What do you look for in a guy/girl?
•Who was the last person you called?
•Would you rather be rich and never find true love or be poor and find true love?


Sports Conversation Starters

•Who is your favorite athlete?
•How often do you exercise?
•What is your favorite sports team?
•Do you play any sports?


Vacation Questions

•Where was the last place you went on vacation?
•Where do you plan on going for your next vacation?
•If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
•What countries have you traveled to?
•What was your worst vacation experience?


Food/Drink Topics

•What is your favorite drink?
•What is your favorite food?
•What is your favorite meal of the day?
•Are there any foods that you dislike or will not eat?
•Are there any foods that you would like to try?
•What is your favorite restaurant?
•What is your favorite pizza topping?
•What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
•What did you have for dinner last night?
•What is the signature dish that you cook?


Entertainment Topics

•Who is your favorite actor?
•What is your favorite movie of all time?
•What was the worst movie you've ever seen?
•What is your favorite TV show?
•What was the last movie you've seen?
•What type of music do you like to listen to?
•Who is your favorite music artist?
•What was the last book you read?


Personal Questions

•Who do you look up to?
•Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?
•What are you scared of?
•What is the best piece of advice you've received?
•What do your parents do for a living?
•What is your biggest regret?
•What is your most embarrassing moment?
•What is the craziest thing you've ever done?
•What are some of your short-term goals?
•What are some of your long-term goals?


Misc. Conversation Starters

•Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
•Tell me about your first car.
•Do you drink coffee or tea?
•If you could have any super power, what would it be?
•If you were stranded on a deserted island and you could have only 1 item, what would it be?
•Do you believe in luck?
•Do you play video games?
•Do you believe people are inherently good?
•How often do you shower?
•What is your favorite board game?
•What is your favorite charity?
•Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
•Do you prefer cats or dogs?
•Would you prefer to live in the city or a rural area?
•What is your favorite season?
•Do you speak any other languages?
•Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
•What is the best thing that happened to you during the past week?
•What is the worst thing that happened to you during the past week?
•Do you sing in the shower?
•What is the most valuable thing that you own?
•What would you do if you only had 24 hours left to live?

As Antonia said, don't worry about "acting" a certain way, be yourself!

I actually find that guys and girls are not as black and white as society likes place us.

Ever heard the saying "I just don't understand women" or "I just don't understand men". Well mine is "I just don't understand people." because we are all different we all think, believe, like, dislike and want different things.

Be yourself and you will find something to talk about.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on August 18, 2013, 09:35:39 PM
•How often do you shower?

I like the list of questions. I'm definitely saving it and studying it.  Can't say I'd ever ask the quoted question though.  I see this making the conversation very awkward.

Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement, I definitely feel a lot better where I'm at in my transition now. All of your words helped me come out of my shell at work so much more, you're all amazing!

Glad to hear that.