QuoteI know, just the girl who was on my engineering course I spent the last year doing didn't do much to dispel the myth and quit after about 4 months to be a vet specialising in fish or something weird like that.  And well, I struggle to get on with anyone my age, especially girls.  I don't think they appreciate my humour lol.

If they're not cut out to be engineers they'll drop out soon enough.   If they are, you'll have something in common.

Pretty much everything everyone has said so far... I'm pre-everything so it's really hard for me.

Worst (social) things;
-having doctors ask me if I'm pregnant/when the last time I had sex was, and then refuse to believe me when I tell them I've never had sex (I suppose this is also partially a problem of being ace). I get major dysphoria from being asked the pregnancy question, and last time I went I was asked three separate times. This is why I don't go to the doctor.
-at work, everyone refers to me as "Miss," and my birth name is posted on the outside of my cube.
-everyone besides my small group of friends refers to me by female pronouns
-guys open the door for me and say "ladies first," and I have to stand there for about five solid minutes convincing them that I'm not going through the door first now that they've said it. Plus the accompanying weird looks.
-when the hairdresser tells me that there's nothing she can do to make me look less feminine because I've just got a feminine face (a good hairdresser should know how to downplay certain features, even though that is true)
-in high school, I got prom dress catalogs mailed to my house two years in a row (with "Ms." in front of my birth name, no less), even though my sister in her years never got any.

I'm not going to go into the physical issues and dysphoria, because frankly I would be here all day.

I hate that my dad seems to treat me more like a girl now. Whenever I want a shirt, he always asks if they've got it in a woman's. if he gets me a souvenir its always blue with rinestones because he doesn't seem to understand I want a boys shirt, not just a non-girly one.
I really think he just thinks I'm a lesbian...

Quite frankly, I think my biggest problem will be my mom. I know my in-laws already don't like anything to do with trans* but I can ignore them/disassociate from them. Anyway, my mom, I doubt even if I'm a guy to the entire world, she will always think of me as her "little girl". As her only daughter and her last child she could physically have, she's always been fond of me especially. (It's not to say she dislikes my brother, she just likes us for different reasons but we are both her kids.) She would never call me by any other name than she gave me. Part of me feels bitterness and the other part feels heartbreak.

She's always been my ally but unfortunately, there are times she's completely been in denial about things that don't fit her perception of me. When she found out I wanted to date only girls, she rejected it and still sticks that I can't possibly be attracted to girls since I married a man* and had a child. My fear is just her persistence to stick to her perception of me my completely alienate me from her as my transition becomes me pronounced.

*- my wife is MTF

 a few things:

friend: oh my ___ you look so pretty! <#
me: ...thanks. ( note none of my friends think im trans nor know, but i feel so weird being called pretty. like, hey that's not what im going for, handsome of you look good or something not as frilly as pretty for god's sake OTL)


Friend: can i do your hair all up in curls?
me: no.
friend: how about make up?
me: nu uh.
repeat steps 1 and 2 for eternity.

friends collectively: let's go shopping!
me: ...........
friends: we'll make __________ look girly.
me: ............
friends: and then go get food.
me: ok.
for the food.

Using the fact that I'm 'female' to explain why things are the way they are. Or, "Oh hey, you're a girl, you should use this because what you're looking at is for men." Right...

Quote from: AlexanderC on August 10, 2013, 10:12:37 AMAnd on the list of things we need to take with us for my new job, it says "swimming kit".  When we were shopping for bedding, I walked off because I couldn't cope with getting a swimming costume.  It's so utterly humiliating, the thought of being basically naked except for a millimeter or two of cloth, and having to shave to fit into what society says I should be, so I'm not known as the hairy lesbo...  It's almost enough to make me bail out, and this is basically my dream job.

I went to a water park a couple weekends ago and wound up wearing a pair of my friend's board shorts and one of his shirts. I was worried I'd stick out like a sore thumb, but there were a bunch of people - guys and girls - wearing shorts/shirts. Maybe that could be an option?

I'm pre-everything and I have a very short, feminine disposition...and everyone feels the need to call me "cute" or "adorable". Every time I show that it makes me mad, it's like they all just assume I'm being tsundere about it or something. It never crosses their mind that I legitimately find it irritating, or maybe it does and they just don't care. I mean, those kinds of "compliments" are fine if I'm wearing girly clothes (eh, sometimes I'm in the mood. Dresses are pretty, what can I say) but when I'm just going about my day it makes me physically cringe.

And we recently got back from a trip visiting my family in the midwest. I was called a "grown woman" so many times I felt like I was gonna start twitching and snarling at everything that moved.

I'm out absolutely everywhere, and pretty much everyone has been awesome - especially at work. Even my favourite colleague (who used to greet me with a hearty "Hello, lovely lady!" every morning) is so accepting that she's offered to throw me a 'T' party when I start on hormones in a couple of weeks' time. I count myself as fortunate to have this much acceptance and support.

But my immediate family is a problem. By mutual agreement, my teenage daughters still address me as 'Mum' because that's what they've always known me as. But I'll soon be on T and I know there'll come a stage where it'll be just plain weird for them to call me 'Mum' when I clearly won't look or sound like anyone's Mum... and we've agreed that we'll pick a new name for them to call me at that stage.

But until then, they keep calling me 'she' left, right and centre. They are the only people in my life who ever call me 'she' these days. And despite several gentle (and not-so-gentle) corrections, they just keep on doing it. *Sigh*. I'm just going to have to wait for T to do it's work, and my family will catch up eventually.

Another thing my family does which really hurts me: I cry very easily, due to the effects of *&%$@ oestrogen. So every time something emotional happens on the telly, my family all turn to stare at me and they all say "Awww... are you crying?". Yes, I am crying, darn it. I don't want to cry, but right now I don't have a choice. I've always hated the fact that I'm so easily moved to tears - I feel it emasculates me - but until I've been on T for a while there isn't a single thing I can do to change it. I just wish they'd let me have some dignity by not making such a song & dance of it all the time.

Another little fun thing for me is that Shark Week commences with a hellacious migraine every single month, and it lasts for around two weeks non-stop. I'm in the middle of my migraine phase right now, which is why I've been quiet here lately. My GP wanted to put me on birth control pills to even out my hormones so that I wouldn't suffer from migraines any more, but there's no way on Earth I'm putting that stuff into my body.

Oh, and of course there was the GIC doctor who confidently told me that I must've been routinely mistaken for a lesbian in high school, because apparently all FtMs are mistaken for lesbians because we're all obviously attracted to girls. Er... no Doc, I was never mistaken for a lesbian: it was quite obvious that I've always been attracted to guys so nobody ever thought I might be gay. It just so happens I'm a Kinsey 6, but not in the way the doctor thought I must've been in High School. A fact that would've been in the notes he got from my therapist, who noted that I'm exclusively attracted to men.

I hate that being short as a girl = adorable/cute. So I have been called cute many a time. I am not cute! Far from it. But some people insisted on calling me cute. I wanted to rip their spines out and slap them in their faces with it. Raaaage!

I also hate being less strong/fast than guys. When I was still in primary school, girls and guys were alike. We all played together. We did gymclass together, and we could evenly compete. But during puberty, hormones were mean to me and I got a fat butt/thighs + tumors on the chest while all the guys grew tall and strong. In secondary school they were faster and stronger and this made me incredibly sad. What did I do to deserve that?

What I disliked that girls have to be protected more. Sexual predators are a danger everywhere, after all. So when I was living with my parent still and was closeted, they never really wanted me to go outside alone when it was late at night. My older brother was allowed. It felt so wrong to have my freedom taken like that just because I was physically a female.

And yes, my family and pronouns do not mix well together either. But maybe in the future, eh?

I went to a small get-together with my friend yesterday. She's amazingly supportive of me, and I'm eternally grateful for that, but I'm not out to everyone at my school, and whaddaya know- someone I wasn't out to was there. Oh joy. She goes, "Hi [birthname]!" and proceeds to explain that "she was in English class with me last year and she this and she that". I don't know who this "she" person is, but I know I was mad as heck. Worst part is, I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it because my mother had just finished having a meltdown in the car after a psychiatrist suggested allowing me a complete social transition in order to determine whether or not this is something that I truly want and need. An RLE test, if you will.

But no, that'd be too rational. My mother told me that I was ripping her child away from her, and if any person tries to do that, she's going to put up a fight. Just now, she started bothering me about the psychiatrist because she thinks the woman is an idiot, and told me how she told her "Her neurologist...". At that my hands clenched into fists and I tore the plastic bag covering a vanity (sitting in the living room because no one will install it where it goes), and now she's ranting about how I need to be locked up in a mental hospital. But she's allowed to throw tantrums. Thing is, I need her to grow up so that I can actually socially transition and not live between out/stealth and closeted out of fear that a teacher will contact her about something (like parent-teacher conferences or if I get sick or something) and she'll flip out. If I don't end up having a medical gap year to be stitched back together the best they can, I'll be in college in about a year. I don't want to apply as a female, and yet through her stubborn behavior I haven't the slightest chance of legally changing anything, not name, not gender designation. Not before I'm 18.

I may need to live with her after that magic number as well, because my body as it stands is deteriorating via injuries all over the place. Speaking of which, the orthopedic proceeded to tell me that being young and "female" meant the surgery'd go better. When I asked him why, he said it's easier to get into the joint in a female because they're more flexible. It wasn't the statement that bothered me so much as the fact that he asserted it as all females and made sure to tell me that I'm included in that group. Trust me, buddy, overcompensating tendons are going to make my hip a surgeon's nightmare to get into. Easier my foot.

I can second getting ma'am'd and young lady'd and other stuff like that. It makes me cringe or titch when I don't know how correcting the person will go over.

Having to use a woman's restroom is always a *Sigh, hope no-one else is in there* sort of thing. I don't get why girls talk to each other there.
Same goes for their "times" -- why do they want to talk about that? Just-- Really?

Then there are the people who don't take you seriously. I have one friend like this, whom I haven't exactly come out to yet, but haven't exactly been quiet about it. This conversation happens every now and then, and it gets to me.
"[Given Name] you're such a girl!" "I'm not a girl." "Shut up~ Yes you are!" "[Name], I'm not a [freaking] girl."

And then the person who will always call me by my given name because she says that's who I am. I can kind of understand this, because I do consider my given name to be important to me, but by all means am I changing it, and it doesn't really fit me as a person.

As non-binary, being able to wear the clothes I want and still be taken for what I am. Just because I wear the occasionally really feminine outfit doesn't mean I'm a chick or that my appearance the rest of the time automatically doesn't matter.

My chest. Gods, my chest. As much as I'm uncomfortable in it, there are times when I don't think I would mind it as much if it weren't an exclusively female thing. Or if it were, say, A and I could fit into things better without wanting to bind (only one cup down, but still).

Having rather crappy lungs and an overly sensitive torso, anything that wraps around my chest/ribs is going to cause discomfort and breathing issues.

Not finding clothes that fit, or at least fit well, that are in the men's section.

Being barely 5' tall. Apparently being petite is a good thing for women? I'm hoping that, if I do ever happen to start T within the next few years, I'll still be close enough to puberty to get an extra inch or two, at least.
To add with that, missing out on a growth spurt at all. It's like I rolled life's dice and lost a turn. 

Skeletal and muscle issues. Only my legs have a lot of strength in them, and my arms are weak as heck. Also issues with the dispersion of body fat, having wide-ish hips, aforementioned height...

Having teams for guys/girls in sports. Also, as a general gripe, in high school women's football was called Power Puff Football. Because apparently the concept of women playing football needed to have a fittingly ridiculous name. *Rolls eyes*

Training my voice to get low and still be able to speak naturally, only to have it get higher as start I forgetting to maintain it while talking, then not wanting to use certain vocabulary because it's primarily used by women of gay males.

The whole "Ladies first" thing. Guh. It's even worse that the people who've told me that, so far, were trying to be nice. Kind of hard to put them down for that.

Oh,you guys should've seen the crestfallen look on my face after this convo while I was leaving a grocery store:

Random lady: "Sir! Do you mind helping me with these bags? They're too heavy for me to put them in my car."

Me: "Sure, ma'am! I'd be happy to!"

When she hears my high voice and sees I have boobs/look like a girl from the front, she looks embarrassed and tells me she'll just wait on a MAN to do it for her.

Ouch, serious burn there. I also worry, even if I'm on T, not much will change in that regard.

Quote from: wolfduality on August 16, 2013, 01:58:01 AM
Oh,you guys should've seen the crestfallen look on my face after this convo while I was leaving a grocery store:

Random lady: "Sir! Do you mind helping me with these bags? They're too heavy for me to put them in my car."

Me: "Sure, ma'am! I'd be happy to!"

When she hears my high voice and sees I have boobs/look like a girl from the front, she looks embarrassed and tells me she'll just wait on a MAN to do it for her.

Ouch, serious burn there. I also worry, even if I'm on T, not much will change in that regard.

Oh man that sucks. Not too long ago I bought a piece of small furniture (it might have weighed 30 lbs). I rolled my SUV up closer to the store and was going to put it in the back when some random guy comes up and goes, "here let me help you with that" proceeds to pick up the piece and put it in the back. Meanwhile, all I could muster was, "Gee thanks". He just looked at me funny and walked on. I get that he was just being "nice", but within that, he was also assuming I'm some weak little female that needed the help of a man. Which is so much b.s.! Unless I saw someone actually struggling I wouldn't offer to help. Or I'd at least ask them, "do you need some help with that?" and if they said, no, just accept that, not just foist myself on them in a "helper" capacity.

When someone calls me "she" "her" "girl" OMG i feel like screaming at them even though i am a tomboy most of the times at work the guys always say ladies first well whoever come up with this ladies first crappy line was probably a pervert who wanted to check out the girl's butt

Recently when i was in wal-mart and wearing all black (since i havent started binding) i had sunglasses on so this cashier comes looks at me and then rings everything and tells me the total and aske dhow would you like to pay? I said "with visa" and she was like omg i thought you were a guy and laughed
Ohh i was soooooooooooo mad that stupid comment of hers ruined my entire day

Today me sister randomly told me that I'm her sister and that she loves me for who I am.  It's so ironic because she denies who I truly am.  She knows I'm a miserable person that dislikes nearly everyone but she would rather accept that as long as I remain female  than to be happier as a man.

Going for a pelvic ultrasound today to get two cysts checked out in parts that shouldn't exist. Yay. Bad enough that the newest orthopedist we saw had to tell me that I'm a beautiful young girl, and examined me like a sexual abuse victim made out of Venetian glass.

I am not a sexual abuse victim made out of Venetian glass.

You need to examine my hip mobility, don't make it awkward by asking if you can touch my leg. Of course it's going to hurt but it's an examination, I'll suck it up and deal with it just the way you attempted to use another part of my anatomy that shouldn't exist to judge whether or not my bones are still growing. They are, by the way, thanks for asking. And you know what, there really isn't much to see if you accidentally expose part of my chest while examining my shoulder. You can even feel the instability in the joint without even looking at it in the first place, no need for the whole CIA-type mission to avoid potentially showing a bit of flesh. This isn't the Antarctic, no one's getting frostbite.

None of this would be nearly as bad if people just knew, or in my mother's case, accepted the facts. I swear, it's going to take a herculean effort not to lose it if someone decides to remind me today that they think I'm a girl.

Liminal Stranger, I know any exam of those parts we should have and don't want is hard, but better see what the problem is and take care of it before it gets worst.  I want to get all those parts taken out as soon as I have the money.  I hope for the best for you; let us know how everything turns out?

They're just cysts. I know things always have to be checked, but that's all there is to them. The technician seemed to think that telling me I'm just young and I'll get over my extreme dislike of those body parts and being questioned about them would somehow help. I don't care how many daughters someone has or what they went through as a kid, she's not me and couldn't possibly know how I feel. It makes me furious when people assume things and make a situation worse by unwittingly saying all the wrong things. I wish my mother would stop being a transphobic, immature person and let me inform the so they could at the very least tag my file so people could understand why they shouldn't call me a beautiful young girl.

Some part of me wants to keep them until further research is done on the supposed "reprogramming" of gonads, and the other demands that they be out immediately. Top, though, I need gone ASAP. I don't want to hear another word from my parents about it being self-mutilation, it's taking all my effort not to let out an inarticulate scream of pure rage until my throat is raw. There is no reason for me to continue putting up a facade of being female, doesn't work for me at all.

At driving school, the male instructor said that we could all go out for lunch, but he has only one request, that the ladies must have a partner to go with but the guys can go alone because if someone bothers them they can just "kick their butt and return back to the class".  Then he says "I have two daughters" that he's protective of.  Earlier he opens the door for my mom and me saying "ladies first" ugh.

And my mom feels like I should have the internal know-how of watching kids because "I'm female."

Quote from: Malachite on September 05, 2013, 05:29:13 PM
At driving school, the male instructor said that we could all go out for lunch, but he has only one request, that the ladies must have a partner to go with but the guys can go alone because if someone bothers them they can just "kick their butt and return back to the class".  Then he says "I have two daughters" that he's protective of.  Earlier he opens the door for my mom and me saying "ladies first" ugh.

And my mom feels like I should have the internal know-how of watching kids because "I'm female."

ugh, that sort of behavior drives me crazy (I don't really care about does, but the over paternalistic bs).