First of all, hi and thank you kindly for coming to my rescue!!
My partner and I have been together for almost 2 years. I am a cis-gendered women, and my partner has always been a gender queer/gender questioning women. When I met my partner, she had long identified as a lesbian but I was very unsure of my own sexuality. In the last few months I've come to terms with the fact I HATE labelling my sexuality - so if anything, I identify as demi-sexual (however I'm not usually attracted to men). I unfortunately have not told my family about our relationship. So I guess you could say I'm still 'in the closet'.
I have always known that my partner was gender queer and I've always been 120% okay with that. She is lucky in the fact that she often and easily passes as a guy without any effort. (**oh, the fun we have going into female bathrooms together**).
In the last month though, my partner became distant, reluctant to talk and extremely uncomfortable with her body. I was really worried (still am), and I knew it was because she was becoming dysphoric every second of every day. I am used to her dysphoria but this was different. It was like she had been engulfed into her own mind and I had no idea how to help her. She began seeing her trans friends everyday and began binding everyday. It took her weeks to talk to me, and largely only because she knew how much it was killing me to see her that way.
Long story short - she is obviously pre everything. She is now binding everyday and will start packing soon. She has made appointments with the relevant health professionals to get the ball rolling so to speak. Her plan is to start social transition next year, and start T by the end of next year. By then we'll both be finished uni and she will aim to get top surgery ASAP. She does not plan on getting bottom surgery (thank god).
Eventually we want kids and to get married. One of the bonuses to all of this is that it will mean that we have the opportunity to get legally married, as gay marriage is not yet legal here.
Oh! also. We have agreed to use female pronouns until she starts social transitioning next year. (I know you were all wondering
).
I would love your wonderful opinions on my following questions:
1. I don't know whether I should come out to my family about my sexuality FIRST, and then tell them about my partners transition when she starts transition next year. (Because my mother has terrible, uneducated opinions about trans people).
2. Has anyone got experience freezing their partners embryos before they start testosterone in order to then carry their partners baby? *note we don't want kids for at least 6 years*. Is it worth the money? also note we are both still uni students.
3. Does this mean I should be feeling insecure about my sexuality again? I know in reality it does not matter the slightest to me - because I love my partner to the end of the world - but it makes me cry everytime I think about having a 'husband' and a 'dad' to my kids.
4. What are peoples experiences with their employers? Did they support you/your partner during transition? Was workplace a difficult place to transition?
5. I have a long history of anxiety and depression, and my partner has been a huge support in my recovery. I feel so terrible by saying this - but I'm worried she will become so involved in her transition that she may not be as active in my support as she has been. I feel selfish in saying that, but I know my mental health is going to be impacted upon when she starts transition - and I guess I'm just worried about how I will go.
5. I NEED FTMSO FRIENDS. My partner has so many wonderful trans friends, but I need some people to talk to that can relate to my side of the story. And I totally had so many more questions but I can't think of them right this second. So PLEASE let me know if you can relate
Thank you all for reading! Don't forget you are wonderful.
