So, yesterday my friend said a really insensitive comment. He didn't mean it, and I know he's being honest when he says that he just forgets I'm not a cis gay guy (who, in the situation, wouldn't be offended by the comment, and would find it funny), but it was literally the most hurtful thing anyone's ever said to me. Most, if not all, of you guys would find the comment to be triggering, plus it's really not G-rated so I'm not going to write what he said (but you guys can PM me if you can handle the details of what he said).

He apologized several times, sincerely, and I said it's okay and I forgive him, but the thing is, I'm not over it. I still feel really really effing hurt by it. It just made me go from the "I love my body, and I'll love my body even more once I get top surgery, and everything's fine..." mindset to "I want to freaking DIE." (Yes, I feel suicidal, but I'm not going to do anything about it except mope for a while.)

How do you guys handle stuff like that? I know he loves me and would never want to hurt me in any way, and especially not insult me like that, but I'm still upset over it.

I've had comments of a similar nature from friends who thought they were giving me a compliment.  Don't really have advice on how to handle it other than try to forget it.  I'm interested to know what the friend said.

Quote from: Alice In Genderland on August 25, 2013, 05:30:38 PM
I've had comments of a similar nature from friends who thought they were giving me a compliment.  Don't really have advice on how to handle it other than try to forget it.  I'm interested to know what the friend said.

I PM'd you.

I'm curious what he said, too.

I have had a few insensitive comments, but I just chalk it up to people being idiots. Even my friends can be big fat morons sometimes. I'm sure I make them feel the same occasionally.

Quote from: randomroads on August 25, 2013, 06:13:06 PM
I'm curious what he said, too.

I have had a few insensitive comments, but I just chalk it up to people being idiots. Even my friends can be big fat morons sometimes. I'm sure I make them feel the same occasionally.

I PM'd you.

I'm curious what he said too

I just remind myself (over and over again if need be) that I'm being treated like a cis-guy just like I want to be. Even though it is hurtful, I just remember that it's awesome that someone forgets I'm not a cis-guy, rather than always remembering I'm biologically female. Many of the accepting people I've met around here actually go out of their way to say things and do things like they would to a cis-guy, and I always remind myself to appreciate their effort to respect my identity.

Yeah I understand. This cis-acquaintance (not really a friend actually) asked me right on my  f****ng FB wall what I was going to do with my private parts. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that being my age, perhaps she doesn't know everyone I know can read your FB page. What I disliked more was the expectation that I would answer her even those she couldn't bring herself to use the word "genitals' or "penis". I said I wouldn't talk about this stuff on FB, it was kind of public. She didn't really answer me nicely said "Okaaaay", which I took to mean that she was thinking she was in her rights and perhaps duty to ask me these things.

I think there is a certain cisprivilege of thinking that they have the right to ask certain stuff and make certain comments that they wouldn't dream of saying to their cis friends. Another thing that is common is to give sort of weird backhand compliments or comments which if they thought about them would not be complimentary, like "you know for a girl, you make a pretty good guy" or
"you were cute when you were a girl" , etc etc. Gag. The thing is if they thought this stuff through at all they'd know it was wrong so most of it is thoughtless.


My youtube video I'm uploading is about Trans Ettiquette, I think she watches my videos. Youtube as the best revenge??

--Jay