No one out there is free of this mistake, and we all do it more than just a little.

The thing is, it sometimes does us harm, and sometimes not.

I can flat out say without fear of having done so unfairly, that I myself that is, I personally do NOT know a single cis female ie a person born into female parts that looks more attractive than rather quite a few persons I know to be MTF. By that I mean people I have met, in person, directly, I am not including faces on TV or magazines.

And yet so many of the MTF people I know, have such dreadful impressions of their appearances.

And for all the women in my life, the cis females that is, and I am just not going to include anyone under 17 as it sounds a bit creepy to include them, the thing is, those women are all likely capable of looking so much better, but, they have no reason to worry, as they are not at any risk from anyone mistaking them as not female. I mean, they are usually so obviously female, but they also clearly take their being female totally for granted. And hey, that's their business eh, I mean we all say it, outside appearances isn't everything.

But it is a good point to make, that a lot of the best looking women in my life, were not born into the convenience of female bodies.

I am not 100% sure how this would work into the opposite side of the coin for my FTM companions here at Susan's, but chances are there Are plenty of FTM persons here that look a good deal better than some of the dreadfully poorly dressed doofus males I see on the street.
But again, the doofus walking down the street thinking that parts barely on their butt underwear showing almost entirely look actually is cool. Hell no it isn't cool, it makes a guy look like ->-bleeped-<-. It makes them look desperate, so desperate to look 'in' they will actually walk around looking like an idiot that can't wear their clothes intelligently.

I take plenty of things for granted in my own life. I am not any better than anyone else in that regard.
I suppose my biggest failing is in using my day logically. I probably should be getting a lot more done, or at least trying harder to be organized. But I am hardly sitting at home doing nothing willingly. That's the real hell that is my disability in the end.

But inasmmuch as a lot of what we talk about here, is MTF related (well for this specific sub forum of course), I think it interesting to mention, a lot of us likely rag on our appearances unfairly. I mean, I just saw a friends driver's license, she has been getting oodles of success in her journey. If I could only look half that pretty. Her life has not be 'thrilling' as she is yet another sad case of wrecked marriage, that went to divorce and the trauma of losing routine access to young children (2 daughters), because she is no longer married and just one of the parents now. I can hardly understand how she manages to smile so well for the camera. I'd be crushed myself. But she is likely the cutest woman I know, and that is quite a statement considering she was not privileged to be born in a female form. And I know quite a few cis females too. And so it is kinda something when you consider none of them as a rule, have anything on my friend for appearance.

If nothing, my friend is the single greatest form of encouragement I have. As rotten as the day gets, and it often gets fairly rotten, the thing is, incredible things are still possible.

I think too, a lot of our members truly fail to seriously consider the true value of their youth. Oh if I could only be coping with this process and have all the heath I had when I was 25 eh. Because let me tell you, it is a lot harder at 50. I think a lot of us should stop being so hard on ourselves if they yet still possess that one seriously awesome trait, YOUTH. I'd rather be 20 and staring at a 10 year long transition, than be 50 and told it might be possible in 5. I'd even take that 10 from 20 over being able to do it in just 2 from 50.

There are somethings we of the 50+ crowd can just basically forget to some extent. I sure had a lot more energy when I was 25. I can't even imagine how I did all the work I did when I worked delivering furniture in the 80s. I would much prefer to be transitioning to girl mode and delivering furniture with the guys and 25, as opposed to trying to fit in at Tim Horton's among a bunch of seniors eh.

To all of us, that are still between 15 and 25, I say enjoy the fact that your transition will come at a time when you have the most to work with. If it takes what seems like a lot of time, remember this, short of being run over by a truck, you actually do have a lot of time.
Me, I don't want to spend forever as if I have forever. I'm passed the half way point for expected lifespan where I live. And I'd rather already be taken for a lady long before I get to be as old as one well

I see what you are saying and sadly it's human nature to take things for granted. Most people are never happy with what they have even people who have everything and don't have the issues many of us do. I have two older sisters and have been around a lot of cis females and the fact is on appearance none of them are ever really happy with how they look either. Again it's just human nature that females cis and trans will probably never be completely happy with the way the look. I bet even the most beautiful woman in the world has something they see and don't like about themselves regardless of how many times they are told how beautiful they are.

Yes this kind of thing can be harmful but it also can be good for us. This is what makes humans strive for more and work just a little bit harder to improve ourselves. Anything taken to an extreme can be bad for you so the trick is knowing when it's too much. I'm not a religious person at all but I'm going to modified a quote here so bare with me. I think most of us need to focus on accepting the things we can't change, having the strength to change the things we can, and the wisdom to be able tell the difference. Believe me even I need to work on this but I think it's a good place to start.

Most of the Mtf's i have met in real life don't pass, i don't pass much either so that's why i feel unhappy with my appearance. Being 6ft plus and being built like a line backer doesn't help much when you are trying to look like a female, a lot of us don't pass and never will- it just comes down to being content with the fact that you are transitioning and being happy with what you have now, even if you don't look the way you want on even pass.

"I think most of us need to focus on accepting the things we can't change, having the strength to change the things we can, and the wisdom to be able tell the difference."

That was a superb paraphrase.

Most of my visual glitches, well I suppose they are annoying but not insurmountable. Well at least I don't have the annoying 6'2" height and people trying to reassure me 'some girls are tall too' yeah right, so why have I never seen any

The hair loss I can fix. The waist is a diet barrier. The face, well I could do with a better looking canvas to paint on I suppose, but it sure could be a lot worse I guess.

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on August 25, 2013, 11:14:19 AM
To all of us, that are still between 15 and 25, I say enjoy the fact that your transition will come at a time when you have the most to work with. If it takes what seems like a lot of time, remember this, short of being run over by a truck, you actually do have a lot of time.
Me, I don't want to spend forever as if I have forever. I'm passed the half way point for expected lifespan where I live. And I'd rather already be taken for a lady long before I get to be as old as one well

I'm in the age bracket that you listed.  While I agree with a lot of what you said, I do think there is a few things worth considering.  It's my belief that transitioning older and younger both have their pros and cons.  The benefits are listed pretty much in your original post, so I'll focus on some of the possible downsides about doing it early.   Keep in mind, my downsides are more or less generalized.  They don't apply to everyone, but I think it is worth looking at both the pros and cons.

1) Most of us who are younger are usually a little less financially stable.  Without the proper funds, we really have to struggle to go through it.  Not that older transitioners don't have to pay, but they are usually in a better position to do so.  If you have the funds, you can transition at a quicker rate and not accumulate debt at the same time.  2) Besides the money portion of it all, it also allows one to advance in their career before letting the cat out of the bag.  I do think it's easier to transition after establishing yourself careerwise.  At that point you already have the respect of your peers and this may not hurt how they perceive you. Since they already now your quality of work, their judgements about your lifestyle will play less of a role in how you are treated at work. On the otherhand, a young transwoman may face more roadblocks in her career because of stupid biggotry.  It could be more difficult to establish respect at your workplace and move up if you transition early. 3) Another thing to take into account is one's family.  While I never wanted to father children or have a wife, many here did have those desires.  Even though it's possible to have a family afterwards and probably easier to find a husband (as I hope to find one day), I do think it is more of a challenge to get married to a woman and have kids after one's transition.  I know many here would never trade their wife and/or children for anything (including time).

Therefore, I don't always think the earlier is always the better.  It really does depend on what your circumstances are and what you feel the need to do.  In some ways, I acknowledge it would have been better for me to wait for finance and career reasons (have no desire for a wife or to be a biological father), but I simply couldn't hold it off for my own sanity.  It was important for me to start as soon as possible and I accept both the cons and pros that come with it; however, it is different for everyone.

Having said that, I do think your original post is great.  As someone young, I do acknowledge I can be too hard on myself.  My therapist once laughed at me and said I'm going through mid-midlife crisis.  Sometimes it's worth looking at the good in our life.  And I do know I made the right decision for me to move forward at the age of 24.  Yeah, my life is a bit of a mess, but I wouldn't trade my transition for anything. 

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on August 25, 2013, 04:58:34 PM
Most of my visual glitches, well I suppose they are annoying but not insurmountable. Well at least I don't have the annoying 6'2" height and people trying to reassure me 'some girls are tall too' yeah right, so why have I never seen any

I'm 6'2" and I've met plenty of cis women my height some even taller. Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they don't exist.  One of my friends dated a woman that was my height and build she was one of the first women I met where I was like wow maybe I can pull this off. And my height really don't hold me back in fact I love it some times. Well except when I'm hitting my head on things at work. 
But my height doesn't stop me from passing as a female considering I've been called ma'am while dressed as a man. And I really wouldn't call my height annoying it's nice to be my height and men like it apparently. Even if I never could pass at all I still would want to be my height because my height isn't average my height is above average and that's the way I like it. Because at least the people who would laugh at me have to look up to do it. 

Quote from: Heather on August 25, 2013, 11:19:59 PM
Because at least the people who would laugh at me have to look up to do it. 

And then you can step on them like little ants! Mwahahahahaha

Quote from: Alice In Genderland on August 25, 2013, 11:23:59 PM
And then you can step on them like little ants! Mwahahahahaha

Lol yes I can but I would rather just shoot them a nasty look and watch them run away. 

Quote from: Heather on August 25, 2013, 11:19:59 PM
I'm 6'2" and I've met plenty of cis women my height some even taller. Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they don't exist.  One of my friends dated a woman that was my height and build she was one of the first women I met where I was like wow maybe I can pull this off. And my height really don't hold me back in fact I love it some times. Well except when I'm hitting my head on things at work. 
But my height doesn't stop me from passing as a female considering I've been called ma'am while dressed as a man. And I really wouldn't call my height annoying it's nice to be my height and men like it apparently. Even if I never could pass at all I still would want to be my height because my height isn't average my height is above average and that's the way I like it. Because at least the people who would laugh at me have to look up to do it. 

Heather, the progress you've made is incredible, and I'm astonished, though I shouldn't have been. I see cis girls, between 15-25 who dwarf me at 5' 9", so I don't see 6' 2" as an automatic disqualification on whether someone was born female or not. You're fortunate though, in that you have a feminine face, getting more so all the time, and that you're also thin. I wouldn't look at you and think TS girl at all.
As far as taking things for granted, it's probably the most common human frailty and flaw. If you aren't hungry, do you feel fortunate you're not or complain about the taste of what you last ate? Or if you can walk, but can no longer run like you once did because of an injury and age, do you feel fortunate to just be able to get around without a cane, walker or wheelchair, or do you bitch about the fact that you're not making millions in the NBA? I find it sickening that I have to diet to keep my weight down to what I consider acceptable, when people are starving by the millions in Africa and parts of Asia every few years. One thing I don't take for granted is that I'm finally who I've always should have been, even when I didn't want to be, that I pass everywhere I go, (but it took and takes effort!) or that I will in all likelihood live female for as long as the Lord gives me breath. Whenever I get depressed over my physical pain, I simply have to look at my now thin, feminine hands with pretty nail polish, look down at my dress, feel my earrings, or especially, look in the mirror and see a somewhat pretty woman for 59 years old looking back. These things were possible only because God saw fit to keep me from succeeding in any of my three suicide attempts, and alive and still hoping against hope I could be who I am now after several other past brushes with death. Being born female in heart and soul, in a male body, as a child of a mom who took DES, for fertility and against another miscarriage, made me grow up with a feminine face and slight, thin body features. I used to have girls tell me I was too pretty to be male and that turned out not to be a curse after all, it just took me years to appreciate how special Miranda Elizabeth Thomson has always been, if only that idiot Randy let her be the girl she was meant to be. But on September 7th, it will be two years since Randy became Randi, who became me, Miranda, but I'm really not that much different in certain ways than I've always been. A sweet, expressive, funny and talented woman. I'll never take myself for granted again. I'm also trying not to take anyone else for granted either, but like I said, it's a terribly common flaw we all have somewhere, at some time. I'm just one of seven billion people. Hugs, Mira

I'm retired and will turn 64 in a few days.  I have raised a  daughter who is well educated, well traveled and amazing to behold.  I have a wife of 30 years who will love me no matter what gender I claim.  I have a "fixed income" well above the US Median income and do not have to worry about losing my job.  Although I regularly take several prescription drugs for common maladies, my bloodwork shows values right where they should be.  I have access to quality health care.

When I was under age 30 I had none of these things.  It was hard enough to get through college and find job and a mate pretending to be male.  I had no time or reserves to pursue a sex change.

I think if I had transitioned earlier I would have had to live life at the margins, with low paying, menial jobs.  I would have changed from a gawky skinny boy into a gawky skinny girl.  I really did not have the choice to transition back then.

Today that choice is mine to make or not. 

Randi
 

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on August 25, 2013, 11:14:19 AM
I think too, a lot of our members truly fail to seriously consider the true value of their youth. Oh if I could only be coping with this process and have all the heath I had when I was 25 eh. Because let me tell you, it is a lot harder at 50. I think a lot of us should stop being so hard on ourselves if they yet still possess that one seriously awesome trait, YOUTH. I'd rather be 20 and staring at a 10 year long transition, than be 50 and told it might be possible in 5. I'd even take that 10 from 20 over being able to do it in just 2 from 50.

I think part of the reason I am still married, is while I might take a lot of things for granted, I don't take her for granted.

Sure it is easy to get annoyed with a partner's trait(s) and get angry or annoyed, but, as long as in addition to apologizing for those infractions, we also go out of our way to remind them of the things they do for us that we value greatly.

Sure my wife might not be as randy as hell and seeing to it I don't need to actually ask for sex, and she is no one's idea of a housewife (the poor girl was raised in a home where mess was no big deal), but.......

She always makes me a peanut butter sandwich when I ask (I just hate making them for some reason) and she always gives me the back rub when I clearly only want one to calm myself down for something that has gotten to me. She does plenty 'quality of life' things for me, that are really to a lot of people, things I know for a fact a lot of people would say were being a nuisance about and would object to. I've heard it before, 'I'd tell you to get your own damned sandwich'.

But attitudes like that are why a lot of people never experience 3 decades of marriage too.

I appreciated what I have, and it is why, back around 2003 when I needed to go to marriage counseling, I actually went. The second visit our counselor commented on how it was interesting as 'most men don't come back'. I suppose just another instance where, my not being a man, was a detail not as yet more apparent in my nature I suppose. I am not saying being a man will matter for YOU, but hey, she did say it.

The point of the above is, I went, I continued to go, session after session after session, because I valued my marriage.
You have to ask yourself, how far will you go for what you value?

When you realize you might be taking something for granted, what will you do to fix it?

And of course, are you able to convey the message, to the other person, they too might be taken their partner for granted as well.
Because some times they can be guilty of it as well.
Lack of communication likely ruins more marriages than anything else.

I was talking to my closest buddy the other night. He missed my mom's 80th party, it was odd he would for any reason at all. It turns out it was a married person issue, his wife blew up at him, as he missed too many Saturdays to do something with her. He's had good reasons, but hey, given enough time, even good reasons can still result in you being divorced if you are not careful. It is possible, he is just not aware that maybe it is not just his wife taking something for granted, they might both be doing it. If they both don't make the effort, to realize they might need to start leaving their respective comfort zones on behalf of the other, they might not end up old gray and married in time. They have been married more than 30 years now. But there is no magical reason it has to continue. His marriage seems held together by a fairly thin wire to look at it from my limited observations.

I think the bonds that hold mine together are pretty damned thick multi strand cable.
And trust me, I have done a few really dumb ass things in my time I sure have put it to the test.

It's not easy to get into another person's head and know what is needed.