I'm not sure what to say really, but I haven't posted in a while and figured I'd give a sort of update about my life! I went with my family to what we THOUGHT was going to be a gender therapist, but turned out to be a doctor who gives HRT and such physical/medicinal therapies. (pardon my ignorance if there's a name for this kind of doctor.) The meeting went well, although my mom broke down at one point. The doctor mentioned me getting female clothing to wear around the house, saying how even just underwear and pajamas can may make me feel better. They're supportive and all, but it seemed to be another one of those moments where reality smacked them in the face....
A week or so after the appointment my mom asked me if I wanted a female deodorant (I'm not sure if she bought it for me or if she just had an extra unused one); I declined it but ended up regretting it and tried to look for it so I could just sneak it and let it pass between us unmentioned. No luck though :/
With school around the corner we had to go clothes shopping. I felt sooooo anxious and irked and uneasy shopping. We'd pass female clothing stores, and mannequins in such awesome outfits and I of course had to get jeans I swim in (they're skinny jeans, but I really only feel comfortable in super-skinny jeans.... I am quite thin
) and t shirts and such. All I wanted to do was skip from the men's H&M side to the women's side and just swim in all the clothes I REALLLYY wanted to get.
One good thing about school clothes though: I'm getting boots! I've always loved female combat boots in fashion. If it were a perfect world I would own 5 million different pairs. So I asked my mom and I'm going to be getting some! They'll be men's, but they'll be women's in my head
we actually already got them in the mail, but they were too big, so we must go to a store and get them in another size.
Yesterday my best friend asked if she could paint one of my nails: outside, while walking to a coffee shop. I said yes and kept it on till I went back to her house. I didn't much care for the color which kinda stinks but it was still nice to be wearing some
Final thing: Tomorrow I have an appointment with an actual gender therapist/psychologist who was recommended by the doctor I went to. Wish me luck
