Please forgive any spelling mistakes that I might make while typing out this post. I don't have spell check on the xbox. Now onto my rant. This past Tuesday my dad and his wife came to visit along with two friends of mine. For what ever reason he did not call me Beth or Bethany but by my birth name. (a few months ago he told me he would call me Beth) Each time he used the impropper name I corrected him but to no avail. Today I recieved a phone call from him and I questioned him about it. His reasoning was that he has known me all my life as (birth name) and as my father he has every right to call me as he sees fit. Then he goes on to tell me that I am wrong to request that others call me Beth. I am so crushed by this. I thought I was making head way with him respecting me and my transition but how wrong I was. I will most certainly be confronting him on this soon. As it is a total lack of respect on his part. And this is why I question my ability to pass. Time to cry myself to sleep   

Big hug!  Don't ever question yourself because of what someone else thinks, even your Dad! Jeepers, girl, haven't you learned anything here? You know who you are, we know who you are. Hugs, Devlyn

my family does that too, when I talk to them.  I think it's a form of denial.  It is disrespect.  We have to either decide to deal with it, confront them, or turn our backs.  It's all we have

Quoteand as my father he has every right to call me as he sees fit. Then he goes on to tell me that I am wrong to request that others call me Beth

No, he does NOT have the right to call you anything but the name YOU chose. He needs to learn to respect ADULTS. If he doesn't...then he has no right to be treated as an adult, even by his son. Many parents have a problem with letting their kids go...that'swhy I don'tbelieve in either "respect your elders!" (they have to deserve it, or at least not behave dishonorably themselves). or the belief of being loyal to family, no matter what...(if "family" behaves in a way that harms or diminishes a member of that family...they do not deserve loyalty)

*hugs*

Hope your father straightens his behavior to something deserving of respect.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on August 26, 2013, 10:55:19 PM
No, he does NOT have the right to call you anything but the name YOU chose.

Actually, he does.  It's rude, hurtful, and inconsiderate, but this is America, and he does have the right.  Official discrimination is illegal, but discriminating opinions, those are protected.  That's why our families can be so hurtful.  Because we can't MAKE them call us by our chosen name, becasue they DO have the right

Personally I would address him as 'old fart' until such a time as he used the correct name.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on August 26, 2013, 10:55:19 PM
No, he does NOT have the right to call you anything but the name YOU chose. He needs to learn to respect ADULTS. If he doesn't...then he has no right to be treated as an adult, even by his son. Many parents have a problem with letting their kids go...that'swhy I don'tbelieve in either "respect your elders!" (they have to deserve it, or at least not behave dishonorably themselves). or the belief of being loyal to family, no matter what...(if "family" behaves in a way that harms or diminishes a member of that family...they do not deserve loyalty)

*hugs*

Hope your father straightens his behavior to something deserving of respect.

Thank you all very much. You all are family to me. I know what you all are saying and I agree 100%. Its just so damn hard to confront my dad its like he has this weird hold on me and I'm afraid to break it. But I know I have to.  Miss Bungle its one thing to make mistakes its down right being mean to make no attempt at all.   Cindy you sure know how to get me to laugh thank you for that  xoxo I love you all.

Quote from: Oriah on August 26, 2013, 11:01:05 PM
Actually, he does.  It's rude, hurtful, and inconsiderate, but this is America, and he does have the right.  Official discrimination is illegal, but discriminating opinions, those are protected.  That's why our families can be so hurtful.  Because we can't MAKE them call us by our chosen name, becasue they DO have the right

I think the way it was trying to be put was not in the amendment rights sort of way. I can see both sides of the "rights" argument, but this is another persons life we are talking about here. Just because someone has rights, I wouldn't let them call me by my wrong name.

Quote from: Cindy on August 26, 2013, 11:06:13 PM
Personally I would address him as 'old fart' until such a time as he used the correct name.

Calling him by his first name also works.  It's definitely the most legally-appropriate title.  If he complains about disrespect, you can remind him why and keep calling him by his first name, or you can show "respect" by stringing together his full legal name (middle name optional).

Disengaging has also been brought up as an option, but that's really up to you.  Promising that if he keeps it up, you're not going to have him back again should be an effective of resolving the problem one way (he stops deliberately calling you the wrong name) or another (he's not around to call you the wrong name).  You'll have to decide who that'll hurt more in the process, but I'm guessing it'll be him.

Just curious, is your name legally changed?

I have submitted the paper work waiting on hearing back from the courts on when my court date will be.

Quote from: Oriah on August 26, 2013, 11:01:05 PM
Actually, he does.  It's rude, hurtful, and inconsiderate, but this is America, and he does have the right.  Official discrimination is illegal, but discriminating opinions, those are protected.  That's why our families can be so hurtful.  Because we can't MAKE them call us by our chosen name, becasue they DO have the right

Oh, I understand about our rights, but to argue about rights in a non-legal environment is a bit disingenuous, methinks...he seems to think that he can call Bethany whatever, and without consequences. In fact, he is using his former authority (as dad) to justify being an ass.

Legally, he has the right. Socially...he does not, and we do not have to tolerate His Royal Fartness.

Hugs,

He has a problem. Perhaps passive aggressive, perhaps memory. Perhaps he thinks he is right and does not know or care the fallout and hurt he is causing. 

My wife used pronouns incorrectly and consistently as a passive aggressive behavior. It is not ignorance. It is bigotry. Bigots think they have a right and they are right. They own their Karma, to a point an oak will bend.

I have family that does this too. Hense why I dont want anything to do with them.

I wish I had the perfect answer, but there likely isn't one.

My first thought was tell him birth name was a figment of his imagination and that person never existed.

Next thought was his knocking up your mother doesn't give him some sort of magical rights over your life. And I say that as a parent. I have always treated my own son as a gift, and an equal inasmuch as rules are concerned. Yes he wouldn't exist if not for that moment in time when me and my wife were actively seeking to have her get pregnant. But a sex act and a pregnancy does not imbue me with magical rights of domination. I had legal responsibilities over my son for 18 years yes, but I was not in any way able to say I had rights over him, I was just expected to keep him safe and teach him properly.

Perhaps that is why my son is the most accepting person in my life right now.

If any of my family were to rudely and defiantly deny me my preferences, I likely would be equally nasty back to them.

We only become victims, when we allow ourselves to be victims.