Hey can anybody help me, I can't handle the fact that I am a transsexual, it is tearing me up inside. I am going to go to the doctors but anyone got any advice for what I can do in the mean time?

This is tearing me apart!!!

Hey, don't worry. There is nothing wrong with being trans. You don't have to identify as trans unless you feel it's right.

Everyone here goes through some sort of internal conflict about this at some point. It took me years to discover transsexualism existed, and a few more years after that to reach the conclusion that it was something that applied to me. It didn't make me happy to know it; it didn't make things easy - but it's a fact and I can't change it. All we can do is find ways to live with it.

It might help people help you if you went into more detail. What is it in particular about being trans that is causing you so much unhappiness? Maybe we can help you. : )

Hi,

Nothing wrong in being transgender, I can assure you it is perfectly normal. It isn't odd, it isn't a mental condition it just is. I'm transgender, have been all my life. I'm a very normal healthy woman.

Well my 'normality' might be argued about by most of the members  but you know what I mean

So why don't you tell us a bit more about what is worrying you?

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy on August 27, 2013, 02:56:22 AM
Hi,

Nothing wrong in being transgender, I can assure you it is perfectly normal. It isn't odd, it isn't a mental condition it just is. I'm transgender, have been all my life. I'm a very normal healthy woman.

Well my 'normality' might be argued about by most of the members  but you know what I mean

So why don't you tell us a bit more about what is worrying you?

Cindy

Thank you for your replies both of you.

I just hate being trans, I wish I could be cisgendered. I am gonna lose everything and I am going to have to make myself into a woman and it all frigging sucks. I am hopefully going to call a helpline later if I can muster up the courage to do so.

I just hate my trans truth. I discovered I was transsexual last year, before that I had no idea whatsoever that I was a woman. It has torn my world apart and I have no support network and even other transsexuals turn away helping me in chat rooms and other websites so I feel completely alone, not even my own kind can accept me.

I just hate what I am going through, it is horrid and horrible and it is ruining my life.

I am going to lose my family and my godson, my godson I love more than anything in the world and I am never going to see him again. Who is going to let a trans girl around their kid? Well some people would but my family won't

You never know what may you lose and what you may gain.

I was totally and completely certain that I would lose my job, my friends (few that I had) my family, my life, respect standing everything.

In the end I also knew that if I didn't deal with my issues I would lose my life. I was already drinking a bottle of whiskey a night, sometimes more. My chances survival was not good.

In the end I lost one thing, Mr Whiskey left the room. Work greeted me with open arms, my family took it all in stride, my friends have multiplied a hundred fold. I now have respect, I now have standing.

I now have a life.

You never know what you will gain and you never know what you will lose.

It doesn't matter how much you beg not to be transgender, it doesn't go away so we deal with it.

And your own kind do accept you. We accept you, you are part of Susan's family and we are here for you.

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy on August 27, 2013, 03:24:30 AM
You never know what may you lose and what you may gain.

I was totally and completely certain that I would lose my job, my friends (few that I had) my family, my life, respect standing everything.

In the end I also knew that if I didn't deal with my issues I would lose my life. I was already drinking a bottle of whiskey a night, sometimes more. My chances survival was not good.

In the end I lost one thing, Mr Whiskey left the room. Work greeted me with open arms, my family took it all in stride, my friends have multiplied a hundred fold. I now have respect, I now have standing.

I now have a life.

You never know what you will gain and you never know what you will lose.

It doesn't matter how much you beg not to be transgender, it doesn't go away so we deal with it.

And your own kind do accept you. We accept you, you are part of Susan's family and we are here for you.

Cindy

It is great that you have had such a positive reaction to your transition and packed in the whiskey.

I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this, I can't cope, it really sucks

Thank you for being so supportive!

I just don't know what to do anymore

Quote from: FreshGuy on August 27, 2013, 03:07:57 AM
Thank you for your replies both of you.

I just hate being trans, I wish I could be cisgendered. I am gonna lose everything and I am going to have to make myself into a woman and it all frigging sucks. I am hopefully going to call a helpline later if I can muster up the courage to do so.

I just hate my trans truth. I discovered I was transsexual last year, before that I had no idea whatsoever that I was a woman. It has torn my world apart and I have no support network and even other transsexuals turn away helping me in chat rooms and other websites so I feel completely alone, not even my own kind can accept me.

I just hate what I am going through, it is horrid and horrible and it is ruining my life.

I am going to lose my family and my godson, my godson I love more than anything in the world and I am never going to see him again. Who is going to let a trans girl around their kid? Well some people would but my family won't

No one here will turn you away.  I will beat them if they try.   

Seriously, accepting and embracing your trans feelings is not easy.  It takes time.  Hell, I'm still going through the acceptance phase to some degree, and I'm already on my way.  Relax and remember that you are normal.  Sure you deviate from the norm a bit, but everyone does to some degree.  Geddy Lee said that so must be true.

Have you considered a gender therapist or going to a support group?  That might help.  And please keep asking questions and participating here.  You'll start to realize there is a whole community of normal people who are going through the same stuff.  It's been a godsend to me, and I bet it will help as well.

Take care and don't let it all get to you. 

I think almost everyone would be cis if they could - nobody choses to have these feelings. The only thing we can chose is whether or not to act on them.

There is no pressure to transition if you don't feel it's right for you right now. In fact, there are trans people here who live perfectly well without doing so. You can always wait until a better time in your life for it.
  On the other hand I totally get how horrible and frustrating it is to have to live in a body that feels so uncomfortable. Sometimes things just have to change, no matter what.
  It's a sad truth, but, if you feel your family will never accept you for who you are, you may have to either chose between family and fact, or make some sort of compromise. It's painful, I know, but life is like that.

You don't have to worry about people turning their backs on you here. Susan's is an incredibly welcoming and comforting place. We're all here for you - all you need to do is ask and people will swarm to support you. You are not alone in this.

Hey, if things are not so good right now, at least you're able to do something about it. You have a choice!

You can never know how they'll react until you tell them. You can probe them about matters like this, trying to gage their feelings towards it before you come out, but in the end, if you decide to be who you need to be, there's going to have to be a leap of faith.
  Even if the reaction isn't perfect at first, give things time and most people will try to adapt. If they care for you at all then they can never wholeheartedly reject you, no matter what they say. It doesn't change who you are and you shouldn't have to live a lie because of other peoples' narrow-mindedness.

Things will get better. We're here for you.

Quote from: FreshGuy on August 27, 2013, 03:34:53 AM
It is great that you have had such a positive reaction to your transition and packed in the whiskey.

I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this, I can't cope, it really sucks

Thank you for being so supportive!

I just don't know what to do anymore

As LTL said have you got a therapist as yet?

They do help, they help a lot. You can talk to them about all the stuff and they can help guide you through everything. To be honest I don't know how I would have coped without my therapist. He was wonderful in every way, suggestions on coping, life, dealing with the crap. Finally how to get documents changed etc.

Where are you BTW? I'm in Australia and can help with guide you to people here, but not so much in other countries.

Oh and as LTL also said, you are safe here, no one will abandon you, we care about you and you are a new sister who is joining us on a rather exciting journey. We are here to help.

Oh and of course like in a lot of female parties we chat we argue we laugh and we cry, but we accept with open hearts and arms.

So get used to being among friends!

Quote from: Cindy on August 27, 2013, 03:54:46 AM
As LTL said have you got a therapist as yet?

They do help, they help a lot. You can talk to them about all the stuff and they can help guide you through everything. To be honest I don't know how I would have coped without my therapist. He was wonderful in every way, suggestions on coping, life, dealing with the crap. Finally how to get documents changed etc.

Where are you BTW? I'm in Australia and can help with guide you to people here, but not so much in other countries.

Oh and as LTL also said, you are safe here, no one will abandon you, we care about you and you are a new sister who is joining us on a rather exciting journey. We are here to help.

Oh and of course like in a lot of female parties we chat we argue we laugh and we cry, but we accept with open hearts and arms.

So get used to being among friends!

Thanks Cindy, you are a star! I live in the UK but would love to visit Australia, it seems like a great country lol

I don't have a therapist yet, I am scared. I tried a helpline earlier today but I hung up before they answered, I don't want anyone to hear me talking about it.

Well, we have plenty of UK people here, myself included. So please feel free to ask us anything; many of us have been through this already so we understand where you're coming from.

There are a couple of regional trans* support groups, some of them are very good. If you do decide to ring them, please bear in mind that the people in these groups have been where you are right now: every single one of them had to come out to themselves at some stage and figure out what their trans feelings meant so you have nothing to worry about. You don't have to give your name, age or location so you can call them in complete confidence. Their members are in varying stages of transition (and some members may not be able to transition at all) so don't worry about how you currently look or sound: they've been there & done that so please don't be nervous.

If you want to be helped by an NHS Gender Therapist the best thing to do is to go to your GP and ask them to refer you directly to a Gender Clinic. There are several in the UK: London, Sheffield, Leeds, Sunderland, Nottingham, Norwich, Exeter, Glasgow and Belfast - but sadly, none in Wales. If you're in Scotland, you can refer yourself to the Sandyford in Glasgow without even seeing your GP first. Some of these clinics have very long queues (London for example) but some have shorter queues (Sheffield and Exeter). You have the right to request treatment at any of these clinics; it doesn't have to be your closest one. Let me know if you want any more info or contact details for the clinics.

If you're able & willing to go private there are some private Gender Therapists available, most notably in London. They tend to cost something in the region of £150-£200 per session but generally have a waiting time of just a few weeks before your first appointment, instead of a couple of months at the quicker NHS clinics.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on August 27, 2013, 04:29:15 AM
Well, we have plenty of UK people here, myself included. So please feel free to ask us anything; many of us have been through this already so we understand where you're coming from.

There are a couple of regional trans* support groups, some of them are very good. If you do decide to ring them, please bear in mind that the people in these groups have been where you are right now: every single one of them had to come out to themselves at some stage and figure out what their trans feelings meant so you have nothing to worry about. You don't have to give your name, age or location so you can call them in complete confidence. Their members are in varying stages of transition (and some members may not be able to transition at all) so don't worry about how you currently look or sound: they've been there & done that so please don't be nervous.

If you want to be helped by an NHS Gender Therapist the best thing to do is to go to your GP and ask them to refer you directly to a Gender Clinic. There are several in the UK: London, Sheffield, Leeds, Sunderland, Nottingham, Norwich, Exeter, Glasgow and Belfast - but sadly, none in Wales. If you're in Scotland, you can refer yourself to the Sandyford in Glasgow without even seeing your GP first. Some of these clinics have very long queues (London for example) but some have shorter queues (Sheffield and Exeter). You have the right to request treatment at any of these clinics; it doesn't have to be your closest one. Let me know if you want any more info or contact details for the clinics.

If you're able & willing to go private there are some private Gender Therapists available, most notably in London. They tend to cost something in the region of £150-£200 per session but generally have a waiting time of just a few weeks before your first appointment, instead of a couple of months at the quicker NHS clinics.

Thank you for your help! you rock!

Luckily I live near Exeter so I am glad it has shorter queues! 150-200 is pricey so I think I will stick to the NHS

I still have a lot of fear about the whole thing and I still can't fully handle being trans. It has well and truly rocked my world like nothing else has done before.

I just don't know what to do.

I don't know if I'm ready to tell my doctor yet, it seems like a big step.

do you know any good helplines? I tried london lesbian and gay switchboard thingy?

I'll leave this to the UK boys and gals.

I did come from Liverpool many years ago!!!!

I'm a West Country boy myself. Ooh arr.

Well, you're lucky you're near Exeter because that's one of the best clinics in the country. They're very much patient-led, so they won't rush you into anything... but more importantly, they won't make you wait ridiculously long periods for treatment once you've made up your mind about what you want to do.

The Exeter NHS clinic is The Laurels, 11-15 Dix's Field, Exeter EX1 1QA, Telephone: 01392 677077. They're very friendly and I'm sure they'd be happy to take your call if you wanted to make a general enquiry. You do need a referral from your GP if you want to be treated there, but they're very easy-going and generous with their time.

Waiting times for a first appointment at The Laurels are currently between 3-6 months, after which you have three assessments with a Gender Therapist who will ask you about your life, your history, how you feel now, where you would like to go in the future. This assessment is to determine whether you have Gender Dysphoria, but more importantly it is to help you figure out what (if anything) you need to do. After they've completed the assessment they'll discuss treatment options with you (if appropriate) but crucially, you won't have to undertake any treatment if you're not ready for it. So for example, if they find you do have GD but you choose not to undergo treatment right now because of any complications in your personal life, they'll allow you to defer your treatment until you're ready. If you do decide to go see them, you'll be surprised at how relaxed an atmosphere they have, and how friendly the staff and patients are.

The Laurels advertise in their reception some patient support groups that (I believe) have been set up by previous and current patients, including at least one Facebook group I know of. Why not give them a ring and ask them for the details of any local support groups?

They also suggest ringing the LGBT Helpline, 0800 612 3010, or if you would prefer to make your initial contact by email, try helpline@intercomtrust.org.uk - this is an Exeter-based confidential helpline and advocacy service that should hopefully be able to give you information about local support in the South West.

You could also try the LGBT Collective, which is a central point for info on LGBT groups & projects throughout the South West. 01392 201012 or email admin@lgbtcollective.org.uk

Good luck.

I'm from down south in the UK as well, in Dorset. Apparently there are a few more of us down here than I first thought. Nice to meet you! : )

Quote from: FreshGuy on August 27, 2013, 03:07:57 AM

I just hate being trans...

Somehow I doubt that you'll find anyone who was happy upon finding or discovering that they were transgendered.

It is neither a death sentence nor is there any one solution on how to handle it. Not everyone transitions to living full-time as a woman. Many, such as myself, find ways to cope without transition. Every decision in life has a cost. Transition carries many. It can also be a far greater value vs other choices. Only you can decided that.

The greatest cost of not confronting (or accepting) being trans is loosing yourself, your soul, your life. Over many years that is what happened to me. I became a machine. Some facade of a man with no joy, no hopes, no wishes, and just a dream I forsaken decades earlier

Quote from: Lajs on August 27, 2013, 05:24:35 AM
I'm from down south in the UK as well, in Dorset. Apparently there are a few more of us down here than I first thought. Nice to meet you! : )

OK I'm going to do it. ' Oooh aree a niceeee sider is good for you'

Hee heee

I did a barge trip on the Norfolk Broads 40 year ago!

That must give me some qualifications!!!

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy on August 27, 2013, 05:57:02 AM
OK I'm going to do it. ' Oooh aree a niceeee sider is good for you'

Arr... that it be, moi love... that it be. Oi loves a good soider, Oi does.

Quote from: Cindy on August 27, 2013, 05:57:02 AM
I did a barge trip on the Norfolk Broads 40 year ago!

Naarfulk? Yeh wanna be darn in Saarfulk ba.  Oi'll gi' yeh some praaper soider.

Seeing this is a wealth of Devon knowledge, I saw somewhere that the Laurels was looking at getting permission to start seeing people from 17 and up, does anyone know anything about that?  I'm not sure how reliable that source was, or how old it was though.

It's a big step, and it's normal for your world to feel rocked by it, and there's a lot of things to take into consideration, but it doesn't all have to be done at once.  Take your time, there's plenty of it.  I've not been to a GIC, but a couple of years ago I did go and talk to my GP about it (in between slagging off my shrink which I thought was a more productive way to waste his time) and there was no pressure into doing anything at all.  Obviously all GPs are different, and I was quite lucky in that mine knew about trans people, but it won't harm to go and talk to him.  They're not going to force you to do anything, or even get a GIC referral if you aren't ready yet.

Quote from: AlexanderC on August 27, 2013, 10:00:37 AM
Seeing this is a wealth of Devon knowledge, I saw somewhere that the Laurels was looking at getting permission to start seeing people from 17 and up, does anyone know anything about that?  I'm not sure how reliable that source was, or how old it was though.

According to the new NHS guidelines:

Quote
At present specialist gender identity development services for children and young people under 18 are available through the Gender Identity Development Service at The Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust, London, and their satellite clinics in Exeter and Leeds. Children and young people should contact their GP in the first instance and thereafter may be referred to the Gender Identity Development Service at The Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust, London.

Teenagers who are 17 years of age or older may be seen in Adult Gender Clinic. They are entitled to consent to their own treatment and follow the standard adult protocol, and this consent cannot be overruled by their parents.