*Squeal* Holy crap y'all, I've got noticeable biceps! Without flexing!

There was a really big, fat fly flying around my room. It was loud and kept landing on me and my dogs, making the dogs quite...unsettled lol. I finally got it. I took a shirt I had on the floor, and swung at it in mid-air...with enough force to knock it on the floor, unable to reorient itself. I then took my garbage can and smashed it.

Quote from: caleb. on August 23, 2013, 06:38:36 PM
There was a really big, fat fly flying around my room. It was loud and kept landing on me and my dogs, making the dogs quite...unsettled lol. I finally got it. I took a shirt I had on the floor, and swung at it in mid-air...with enough force to knock it on the floor, unable to reorient itself. I then took my garbage can and smashed it.

Caleb the effing fly smoosher! 

I am just so happy everyday now that I am me all the time.  I could almost cry,  and I often do! Lol ^_^

Quote from: Shantel on August 23, 2013, 06:25:25 PM
Wow, I want one. Where did you get that Virginia?

Walmart $20    I'm finding that I like cooking with the cast iron rather than Teflon coated pans, I also have a small oval and a skillet

Quote from: V M on August 23, 2013, 06:53:37 PM
Walmart $20    I'm finding that I like cooking with the cast iron rather than Teflon coated pans, I also have a small oval and a skillet

Thanks! Yes they make good self defense weapons and you don't need a permit to use them either. 

Talking to my brother and sister on Facetime. They are in Mexico for their holiday.

Went into Target and bought pantries! Checkout girl was awesome. Just a hanes pack, and I wasn't sure on size, but no worries - they fit and I'm elated.

Here's two days' worth of happy feels:

Yesterday I picked up my T from the pharmacy, and the staff were absolutely wonderful. They even congratulated me and wished me well with my shots.

Today I was just about to leave the city centre after shopping with my family, when I bumped into one of my brothers who I haven't seen for a few years. I spent several hours with him, catching up on the latest events in our lives. It was nice to spend some time with him again. The strangest thing happened though: we always used to hug whenever we met up, but now that I've come out we made no moves to hug each other. I'm taking that as acceptance/passing. 

Quote from: FTMDiaries on August 24, 2013, 05:46:19 PM
Here's two days' worth of happy feels:

Yesterday I picked up my T from the pharmacy, and the staff were absolutely wonderful. They even congratulated me and wished me well with my shots.

Today I was just about to leave the city centre after shopping with my family, when I bumped into one of my brothers who I haven't seen for a few years. I spent several hours with him, catching up on the latest events in our lives. It was nice to spend some time with him again. The strangest thing happened though: we always used to hug whenever we met up, but now that I've come out we made no moves to hug each other. I'm taking that as acceptance/passing. 

A win/win day....kudos! BTW - Some of my few male friends just about die when I hug them, they still remember me as a 100% macho male and can't get past it, and I understand. Guys are that way with other guys, it's just a thing in their brain that makes them feel very uncomfortable in those situations.

Quote from: Shantel on August 24, 2013, 05:49:56 PM
A win/win day....kudos!

Thanks Auntie Shan!

This weekend I was in Paris to see an attorney to initiate my civil identity change, in inself something to feel very happy about but there were a few other little things this evening too, including an interesting first, 
First of all I went to a concert of early 17th century English court music (Henry VIII and Elizabeth 1st) given by a very talented little trroupe in period  costumes and with a perfect setting too,  the cloister of a a renaissance building in the Marais quarter of Paris. To make the setting even more perfect, most of the light was provided by candles. Quite a delightful, if not to say exquisite, experience with everyone joining in at the end for Greensleeves..
After that I went for a late meal in a restaurant nearby. I was alone but it is worth mentioning that the Marais quarter is also the Gay quarter of Paris. Anyway, shortly after I sat down at my table, a lesbian couple arrived at the table just next to me. One of them was very Goth style including leather collar, piercing etc. but the other was far more "femme". At first we just acknowledged each other's presence but since I couldn't help hearing their conversation, I got myself involved and we had a great little chat, including educating these ladies about what a transition entailed. Towards the end of the meal, they proposed I go along with them to a lesbian club nearby, an invitation I happily accepted and had a lot of fun in a decidedly hot, but still fun atmosphere. No back rooms like there are in all male clubs...
So that was my first but certainly not my last night out in a lesbian club.I really enjoyed it and it was interesting to discover how open they were to my presence.

Quote from: Shantel on August 24, 2013, 05:49:56 PM
A win/win day....kudos! BTW - Some of my few male friends just about die when I hug them, they still remember me as a 100% macho male and can't get past it, and I understand. Guys are that way with other guys, it's just a thing in their brain that makes them feel very uncomfortable in those situations.

Interesting culural difference. My male friends have no difficulty embracing me French style as is typical between men and women here. However, close male friends also do this too, at least on special occasions, so it's no doubt not as big a leap as it is for hyper macho Yanks! 
Poor Shan, ever thought of emigrating to the land of Freedom Fries? 
Bises
Donna

Quote from: Donna Elvira on August 24, 2013, 08:40:21 PM
Interesting culural difference. My male friends have no difficulty embracing me French style as is typical between men and women here. However, close male friends also do this too, at least on special occasions, so it's no doubt not as big a leap as it is for hyper macho Yanks! 
Poor Shan, ever thought of emigrating to the land of Freedom Fries? 
Bises
Donna

I've given thought to emigrating to Australia. I just got rid of my land line phone and number that I've had for 40 years as I can't possibly endure another acrimonious political season here which seems to be already heating up. Last time my phone rang off the hook for months on end with unwanted political robo calls and pollsters, I'm completely fed up with the process here.

Planning where the furniture will go in my new house.

And fixing my wigstand so the top doesn't come off. All it took were a few twist-ties.

My wife's closest friend came over today for a party. She's also a close friend of mine. My wife has been using her to vent (very few people know, and I support that our friend was told).

She took my aside and told me that she doesn't understand it, but that she supports and accepts me, and I can talk to her anytime.

Firstly, Donna Troy's PM made me smile, so thank you Donna for that. I really appreciated it.
And in October or November, I will be helping out my dear friend Dana. If all goes well, there will be a local transgender support group run be her and myself. ^_^ I get to help my local community in a meaningful way! ^_^

And I have been asked if I am able to help out with the website for INTRAA, Indy Boyz and Indy Girlz, all 3 being transgender organizations.

So after many years of denial I finally made an appointment with a therapist who I have had a referral too for over 8 months.
Starting from the beginning she says I have post traumatic stress disorder as I have been involved in much tragedy over the years.
I have seen and experienced things in my personal life that other should not have to.

After going through all of this I was able to finally sum up the courage to talk to her about my gender issues.
I just said that I don't fit in being male and she put one and three together.

I was petrified and it seemed surreal actually discussing this with a therapist.
Now its out I am sure that it will be much easier to deal with my anxiety.

Do I feel better to finally get it out? You bet.

Oh also went for a 140km bike ride in the morning.

Quote from: Jenny07 on August 27, 2013, 04:33:46 AM
So after many years of denial I finally made an appointment with a therapist who I have had a referral too for over 8 months.
Starting from the beginning she says I have post traumatic stress disorder as I have been involved in much tragedy over the years.
I have seen and experienced things in my personal life that other should not have to.

After going through all of this I was able to finally sum up the courage to talk to her about my gender issues.
I just said that I don't fit in being male and she put one and three together.

I was petrified and it seemed surreal actually discussing this with a therapist.
Now its out I am sure that it will be much easier to deal with my anxiety.

Do I feel better to finally get it out? You bet.

Oh also went for a 140km bike ride in the morning.

I understand it can be hard to talk to a therapist (my wife is having difficulty going after this enormous shock to her system). Just remember - he or she is there to talk to with no repercussions. They can't say anything to anyone unless you're a harm to yourself or others... and even then they'll help you through it. I just told my therapist something relatively terrible (relative for me - I haven't had your experiences and likely mine pale in comparison) that nobody else in the world has ever known of... it relates to minor self harm from ~20 years ago. I find that if I just start and let my mouth run a bit, that helps. I hesitated over that one.

I also keep a diary and on therapy days (or the night before) I write down what I want to talk about.

I understand having difficulty being open with people, but it's very important to be as open as you can with your therapist. If I were open about myself at 15 I wouldn't have (likely) ruined a marriage and harmed three kids over this... (of course I wouldn't have them now either - so it's a mixed bag).

I'm new to this, though. Others may have more realistic situations?

Couldn't post yesterday because the site wouldn't load on my end, so yeah this is for yesterday I finally booked a consultation with the laser clinic, so hopefully soon I can stop worrying about the scruff on my face.