Has anyone else experienced this?

After realizing WHY I feel so bad when looking in the mirror, it has magnified my dysphoria tenfold. My chin, my brow, my five o'clock shadow... So I decided to head to the mall and do some people watching. I usually wear sunglasses when I'm out in public, even while I'm inside, (it protects me from my social anxiety) so no one cares if I'm staring too long at them. I wanted to see how cis females look, to see what I would need to do to replicate that.

Problem is, now that I'm looking for details, I notice that TONS of women have features that I would normally describe as masculine. So now my neurotic brain is telling me that EVERYONE is secretly trans*! I know they're not, obviously, but I still can't help saying to myself "She's got a man chin", or something similar when I'm looking at someone.

Am I going crazy, (well, crazier than usual) or is this a normal part of the process of self-acceptance?

Yes, once one becomes aware of the various "man-traits" it's obvious that 74.9% of the population is transgender, they just aren't aware of it.

[ /jk] 

It is true though, what you've noticed...most women aren't beautifully stunning models, they have some blended features that are kinda mannish. Same with men, but (imho) to a lesser degree.

btw, thx for the sunglasses-indoors tip...I'll see if that works for me as well.

Similar to when you by a car suddenly you notice everyone on the road seems to be driving the same model when before had you thought it was unique.

But yes my crazy mind is telling me im so boyish thay I cant ever pass however now that I see other girls im starting to think I was just letting my insecurities get the best of me.

Im getting told by friends now that I may need to pay attention to my male mode because now its the "dressing up" and I no long can pull off boy mode very well (thank you hrt!)

I don't think you are imagining things at all. I have actually observed these for years. Now I am starting to see the feminine body features in males. I think we don't see these things because we are more or less "trained" to expect certain things. As anyone who has studied art knows, you really draw more what you expect to see than what is actually there, unless you are actively working to do something else.

--Jay

Quote from: Septet on September 05, 2013, 11:12:21 PM
Problem is, now that I'm looking for details, I notice that TONS of women have features that I would normally describe as masculine.

I've noticed that too. And trying not to sound too insulting, most females out there are really not particularly good looking.  They look female, but they aren't all these cute little things that many of us have in mind when we think of who we want to be post-transition.  Most of them are just average; nothing special, very few are hideous, and very few are stunningly beautiful.

The point to all this is that the "average woman" is not a particularly high standard (albeit a very desirable standard for someone like me.)

But that said, the average woman rolls out of bed in the morning looking female, but we have to spend years working on our bodies and mannerisms to even come close.  We start beyond the "hideous" side of the female spectrum, and we've got a lot of work to do to shift ourselves into even average female appearances, let alone pretty.  That's the hard part.

If I end up as a completely average, forgettable woman who never gets a second glance, I'll be perfectly happy.

Wow, another sunglasses indoor wearer. It helps with social anxiety in that it hides your eyes from the rest of the world and actually makes me feel more private in large social groups. Not to mention this effect; .

Yeah, I went through the same thing a long time ago. It's just that you are paying more attention to those little details now than what you were before. Plus you are also comparing your features to other's and they're sticking out more.

I was always told that wearing sunglasses indoors meant drug addict.

All the more reason to ignore the wearer Kat.

Or fear them.

It is almost like when your SO is pregnant, every woman in the world seems pregnant.

Awesome! I'm going to wear sunglasses at all times now.

(I wear sunglasses and earphones in public to help with my social anxiety. I hate being approached by strangers or having them stare directly into my eyes; it feels like they're acting aggressively towards me).

+1 on the pregnancy comment. It also happens when you buy a new car; you suddenly notice them everywhere.

But the truth about trans* people? We really are everywhere!

Quote from: LordKAT on September 06, 2013, 09:57:13 AM
I was always told that wearing sunglasses indoors meant drug addict.

Not necissarily. I don't do drugs other than the occasional adult beverage and the caffiene in the coffe cup. I did know a guy way back that wore them even to nightclubs because of an eye condition.

Quote from: Murbella on September 06, 2013, 10:52:45 AM
All the more reason to ignore the wearer Kat.

Exactly. When you have social anxiety you really would rather be ignored. Plus like FTMDiaries said about having strangers looking into your eyes. It's very discomforting to me. In other words I don't want people I don't know peeking into the windows of my soul.

Quote from: Michele on September 06, 2013, 07:20:44 AM
I've noticed that too. And trying not to sound too insulting, most females out there are really not particularly good looking.  They look female, but they aren't all these cute little things that many of us have in mind when we think of who we want to be post-transition.  Most of them are just average; nothing special, very few are hideous, and very few are stunningly beautiful.

Well that's why they call it *average*.
And most men marry average looking women and are themselves average looking.

--Jay

I've found myself doing this also - I kinda feel bad when I do it also. I am just listening to them and looking at them briefly to see if they are transgender also.

Anyone else feel bad and yet feel compelled for what ever reason to do this?

Just to note, I think everyone looks cis to me hehe, guess thats a good thing...

I've seen women with a noticeable Adam's Apple, I've seen women with large hands, there are many women who are taller than I am.  It doesn't mean they are trans - it means the human form is very variable.  On the other hand I have seen several women who are trans, now I am more aware.  I even had a chat with an attractive young woman on a bus and only realised she was trans from her parting comment.

it's been kind of the opposite for me, actually - I'm seeing a lot more trans guys since my boyfriend came out as a guy. overhearing a snatch of a conversation which may have been about what pants he should buy to pass better, that kind of thing.

also i don't know if it's just me, or if there's a trans guy in a certain commercial for a certain telecommunications company...

I work in University City in SW Philadelphia. I walk during lunch and there are a lot of trans folk here so, it is what it is, a walk feeding my dysphoria and seeing how I can some day fit in. I see a lot of different people.

When I went to the Buffalo Exchange (close to the gayborhood ) I know or I think or perhaps there were sisters in there and was hoping for some help. There is no way all those  women were cis but maybe.

Looking just drives me nuts.

Quote from: Septet on September 05, 2013, 11:12:21 PM
Problem is, now that I'm looking for details, I notice that TONS of women have features that I would normally describe as masculine. So now my neurotic brain is telling me that EVERYONE is secretly trans*! I know they're not, obviously, but I still can't help saying to myself "She's got a man chin", or something similar when I'm looking at someone.

Am I going crazy, (well, crazier than usual) or is this a normal part of the process of self-acceptance?

Women and men come in all shapes and sizes, as well as appearances. No one is defined by how they look. For instance, there's not a masculine feature on my face or body, however that doesn't stop me from realizing and accepting the man trapped within. Remember the old saying about books and covers.

When my dysphoria get's really bad I keep thinking how lucky some boys are... Having small shoulders and all. Uh 18 and I hate it ^.^,

I did that in the past too. To be like "I'm not that bad. No... I can't be." You'd be surprised with how many large shouldered woman there are ^.^ And quite a few of them aren't that bad looking...

Quote from: Septet on September 05, 2013, 11:12:21 PM
Am I going crazy, (well, crazier than usual) or is this a normal part of the process of self-acceptance?

No you're not, and yes it can be, for a lot of people. I think sometimes it's the mind seeking validation of a set of beliefs it has, using a very specific set of filters designed to achieve a specific result. Different from the usual act of watching. Instead of just watching in general, you're actually looking for something. Hyper-aware, I guess. It's like running a search in a database, all you're really doing is mentally applying a filter to your eyes so they give lower priority to something your mind isn't actually concerned with, and higher priority to the attributes you're mentally searching for associations with based on your preoccupations.

Just goes to show how much we blindly stumble around in everyday life when we aren't particularly focused on any given thing, lol.