Okay, I'm an 18 year old from Indianapolis, Indiana. After choosing to leave my mother after her drug habits became a problem to me and my siblings last year, I have felt lost. I had a full scholarship to Indiana University this fall and I ended up turning it down to stay where I am comfortable: in Indianapolis. Upon doing this, I have had a lot of time to think and to remember all of the things my mother has put me through. The one and only thing I wanted when I was in high school was to cut my long beautiful hair to have short sexy hair. I didn't really think of why this was SOOOO important to me because my mom wouldn't allow it. She would always say, "Why do you wanna look more like a guy? I don't understand." Needless to say, my hair is now pure perfection in my eyes because it's a foe hawk:) Well, she has always been accepting of me dating girls and knew it wasn't the phase all of the 21st century parents like to think it is. But, now I realize why it was so important and why I hadn't realized it... until... I was reading The Whole Lesbian Sex Book written by Felice Newman. There, I stumbled upon the subject of sex with a transgender. I couldn't believe how intriguing the subject was to me! Since, I have been researching and watching so many videos daily. I see myself making the transition: starting T, getting top surgery, and identifying as male. The idea is absolutely exciting! Oh, I guess I forgot to mention how much I've always hated having breasts and always trying to hide them (never went to far as to use binders, but I tried hiding them). Especially because I wear a size C and have NEVER wore a real bra. Anywhere I go I get referrals as me being a "dude" or "man" already. Anyway, I felt as though I have always been held back from the realization that I feel more adapted to being a male. I am having troubles with my girlfriend, though, because I have been living with her since I moved out from my mom's. The second day of me researching, I saw a very sexy transman and I said, "If I could look like THAT, I would definitely do the transition." Immediately she starts freaking out and saying that she figured that's why I was constantly looking all of it up. I'm stuck now... between my happiness and hers. I realize that she has to accept me and love me for me or move on, but I know she will get to the point of accepting it. It's just this stage that is hard for me to go through because I always choose her happiness over mine. She won't REALLY listen when I tell her certain things I want to do. Like, I want to start wearing a packer but I'm unable to tell her because I'm afraid she will freak out. I just got on this website and created a username JUST so I could ask for advice on things, so someone please..... HELP!

Hey there, welcome to Susan's! First off, nobody can give you a direct answer of what you are. That's going to come from you in the end. If you do end up identifying as male and would like to make a medical transition, please, please, please bear in mind that there's no guarantee on what you're going to look like. I cannot emphasize that enough, while I may not be on T yet myself others who have gone on it in order to just look like "pretty boys" can find themselves in for a shocker when they start growing hair in places they thought couldn't do that, and suddenly look less like a pop star and more like your average guy. Not to say that always happens, but it can, and you definitely don't want that.

So in other words, there's no big hurry here. Even if it subtly seems like a race, it really isn't. Everybody learns and if necessary transitions at their own rate, so relax and take the time to explore who you are to get an answer from yourself.

Thank you so much to those who have replied! I guess I did have a whole story for you to read. lol Anyway, both of you guys' replies helped tremendously, especially because I have never talked about this to anyone but my girlfriend yet. I am deciding to start with a packer and see how I like it. If I do decide to transition fully, I don't think I'll plan on doing bottom surgery because that part of my body isn't what I struggle with. My idea never was to become some Hallmark guy, just one that is confident in the way that I will be who I feel I should be. Yes, I would be one of the hairy ones. lol That I know for sure. Again, thank you both!


*BTW! Do either of you have any advice on which packer to go with? I know some say to go small because too big will be a big bulge. But like, should I go with Mr.Limpy or...? There are so many options.

We have loads of topics on the FtM Gear board

As others have said, there are no guarantees in relationships. I can tell you from my own personal experience that even if you have a partner that supports you medical transition can take it's toll. My gf of almost a decade is a lesbian who supports me 100% BUT she started to have issues because of my dysphoria and not wanting her to touch me in certain ways. We recently separated for a few weeks until I could get my head straight and come to terms that this isn't all about me. She has needs too.

Transitioning while you're in a relationship happens for both parties involved, and sometimes we tend to forget that. While you have got to do what you need to do for yourself you also need to ask yourself what she means to you. Would you be happy being completely medically transitioned if it meant losing her? With my relationship we've had to compromise. I'm having my top done (I'm on T and post hysto) and after that I'm done for the foreseeable future. Luckily for myself my bottom dysphoria isn't bad. She's requested that I don't get bottom surgery and I agreed, for her.

If I were you I'd continue to explore my options but also not just throw things at her. Ease her into it. Tell her what she means to you and that you want the both of you to be happy, together. There is one guy on YouTube (ElectricDade) that might be able to help with info for you and your gf. His wife also makes videos and she is a lesbian who was very resistant at first. This can all be very intimidating as well as a lost of identity for a lesbian partner. I would advise against being secretive because she may see that as defiant of her feelings. Try to find a middle ground but be gentle. I wish you luck.