I confess that I have extremely low self esteem and self worth. And I get envious of the super pretty women which just makes me feel worse. Being unemployed just amplified everything up to 11.

I confess that I always get gassy in church.

I confess my flatmate lent me his car and I scraped it but touched up and polished the repair without him knowing.This was in 1981 so I think I've got away with it!

I confess, I haven't attended a church in quite some time and according to my sister I would always fall asleep and start snoring and get rather gassy as well

I cons that I've come out to everyone at my new school, even a few of my teachers. I've told everyone at the place where I work, yet everybody I'm significantly close to (friends and family etc.) doesn't know...

I confess that I made a smell on the bus and nearly bust a gut trying not to laugh as a guy blamed his dog!

I confess that when I get nervous I get quite gassy.  I can't help it.

I remember going over to meet my then-girlfriend's family.  I told her I was really, really nervous, and my stomach was churning, and my bowels were rumbling.  So she said, "Don't worry, our dog Fido farts a lot.  We'll just blame him."  I thought it was a plausible plan.

So when we get there, her mother and father and brother and sister all sat in the living room, my girlfriend and me on the couch, and the dog at our feet.

After the customary introductions, the parents start asking me questions, like what I was majoring in at college.  The nervousness was getting to me, so a let a tiny fart loose.  The father suddenly said, "Fido!"

Ahh, the plan was working!   

So as they started asking more questions about my family, I could feel beads of sweat building on my brow.  To relieve the tension, I ripped a longer and louder fart.  The father reacted with "Fi-do!!" 

Safe again.   

Then they started asking what my intentions were with their daughter, and the stress was too much, so I really let one rip, shaking the couch as I did.  The father jumped to his feet and shouted, "FIDO!!! Get away from that man before he ->-bleeped-<-s on you!!!"

I was never invited back.   



Wait?!  This isn't the bad joke topic??

Quote from: Jamie D on September 12, 2013, 12:55:55 AM
I confess that when I get nervous I get quite gassy.  I can't help it.

I remember going over to meet my then-girlfriend's family.  I told her I was really, really nervous, and my stomach was churning, and my bowels were rumbling.  So she said, "Don't worry, our dog Fido farts a lot.  We'll just blame him."  I thought it was a plausible plan.

So when we get there, her mother and father and brother and sister all sat in the living room, my girlfriend and me on the couch, and the dog at our feet.

After the customary introductions, the parents start asking me questions, like what I was majoring in at college.  The nervousness was getting to me, so a let a tiny fart loose.  The father suddenly said, "Fido!" ROFL

Ahh, the plan was working!   

So as they started asking more questions about my family, I could feel beads of sweat building on my brow.  To relieve the tension, I ripped a longer and louder fart.  The father reacted with "Fi-do!!" 

Safe again.   

Then they started asking what my intentions were with their daughter, and the stress was too much, so I really let one rip, shaking the couch as I did.  The father jumped to his feet and shouted, "FIDO!!! Get away from that man before he ->-bleeped-<-s on you!!!"

I was never invited back.   



Wait?!  This isn't the bad joke topic??

ROFL(look what you made me do!) I can't quote properly

I confess that i frequently blow out my awful voice in the comfort of my room.

I confess that I am currently using some of the vocal techniques that MtFs use to raise the register of their speaking voices, so that my family can slowly get used to the fact that my voice is changing. I also confess that I haven't yet told them that I'm on T.

I confess I told my career teacher I wanted to be a Hell's Angel when I was 13

I confess that in high school my career goal was be a professional wrestler.  My college paper was even on "how to break into the professional wrestling industry".

I confess that I just ate a 200g bag of potato chips at one sitting.

In my defense I must say they were extra delicious! Sourcream and garlic!

Quote from: Tossu-sama on September 17, 2013, 11:19:48 AM
I confess that I just ate a 200g bag of potato chips at one sitting.

In my defense I must say they were extra delicious! Sourcream and garlic!

I always eat them in one sitting. You don't need to confess to such a thing.

I do confess that I am a "Chatty Cathy."

I confess when I was in 5th grade I wanted to marry Tommy the white power ranger.  I wanted me some of that.

I confess I always thought all of the Power Rangers were male except for the Pink one.

Quote from: Joules on September 18, 2013, 06:46:27 PM
I confess I barely even know what a power ranger is

I confess that my seven-year-old knows more about them than I'd prefer.

I confess a few years ago I used to give a lift to a young guy and his boyfriend to a gay club.I had a 16 year old POS car which I would leave parked up after drinking and go back for next day.One night I arrived at Mike's house and he wasn't ready so he told me to ring the bell and his parents would let me in to wait,I realised that a few years before I had a  3some with his parents.Just then Mike came downstairs we managed to keep it from him