Hi everyone,
My story, where to start...I was born male, but that is all the masculinity I have. I have felt female since my earliest thoughts, somewhere around 7 years old. I was adopted and have no access to any medical records (sealed by the feds) so I have no idea what my birth parents were like or what genetic conditions could have been passed down to me. My whole life up to around 10th grade I was always being asked why I say carried my books the wrong way, wanted to be around the females more, didn't like rough activities or fighting, acted
feminine.you name it. I caught nine kinds of heck because I had a really good singing voice and was involved with more than one all-city choir. I thought about it a while and discovered I acted feminine because that is what I was inside. My movements felt natural and without conscious thought guiding them. Needless to say where I grew up at this could have actually gotten me beat to death, literally. Bible belt, rodeo capitol of the world and VERY intolerant especially in the generation I was growing up in. So I tried to assimilate to save my life and avoid "embarrassing" my parents and causing all kinds of scandal. My adoptive parents took me to all kinds of "therapy" to make me "normal". I was forced to listen to recordings countless hours without breaks, counseling where I was called a pervert and worse, scorned by church leaders for my demonic behavior and even threatened with being placed in an institution.This lead to the beginning of all kinds of psychological issues as I tried vainly to suppress who I really was. I actually thought I was wrong in some way or another once or twice, sort of defective. This was exacerbated by an alpha male career (paramedic/firefighter) that fed into my mental health issues by being involved with scenes that I tried to forget and used tremendous energy to deal with. I tried to comply with society and marry, but after two failed I knew I had only one option to save my sanity, become who I should be and want to be. To me it is not about sex or any certain gender, but being happy with who I am inside and outside even if I live the rest of my life alone. All the years of repression damaged my physical health, mental health and sense of happiness and security. Since making the decision to pursue transition therapy my blood pressure has lowered significantly, my PTSD flashbacks have almost stopped and I feel truly free as a person. Can I live with the snide comments, teasing, discrimination and the taunting I will have to endure the rest of my life? YOU BET I CAN! Because my career gave me Kevlar skin and a winning attitude so no one will take away or repress who I really am the rest of my life. Passable or not I will be happy and a true representation of who I am. I will no longer cower, suppress or sell myself out to fit in to whatever "normal" is. The transition has begun even though it is not easy on my family, kids, friends, etc. All I can kindly say is deal with it and get over it. I am not wrong, perverted or abnormal, I am being normal for ME.
