So this past Sunday, 22/9/2013, has been my one year coming out anniversary. I am so proud to have come this far even though I'm still in the beginning of my journey of a lifetime. The day itself was bitter sweet as I did nothing all day for some reason, kinda wish my friends would have taken me out but oh well and a foot injury that I got two weeks ago that derailed my triathlon season. I decided to spend the day reflecting a little bit not really of my transition and how far I've come, did that a lot the past few days, but on the process of coming out. For me it was a long process that has been taking the better part of four years. For me it all started when I came out as bisexual and it opened the door for future acceptance as I was becoming more open and accepting of the queer then the trans community. About 2.5 years ago I finally decided to accept myself enough to realize I have had gender issues my whole life. Then another year and a half later to become comfortable enough to come out to my friends and family. Personally I can only speak from my own experience in that coming out is a dynamic event that is takes a life time. Ever so often I am finding myself coming out whether it is to people I meet to even myself. I am just so proud of myself to find self acceptance and to be able to share myself with the world.

On the other side of the fence I have been learning that my biggest relief and also my enemy in transition are mirrors. When I look at my body I can see that hormones have made a small difference in my shape but not quite enough yet, even more stressful to me my face looks exactly the same as it did before I started my lady pills and shots. It's frustrating to see myself everyday because it doesn't happen from a day to day basis and barely even on a month to month one. All the changes that has happened in the past 8.5 months I just can not see for the life of me. I absolutely despise mirrors and even looking down upon my body as I change or shower. It is absolutely frustrating because of how unavoidable these occurrences are in my daily life and it frustrates me. I am not liking the fact right now that it is so slow and all I have right now is a little bit of fat around my hips and butt and virtually no breast development. It's at the point that even though I dress as a girl and sometimes femininely I still just look like a man in womens clothes. I definitely feel a lot better and happier about myself but just frustrated that it's taking much longer than I have previously thought. I know I have to be patient and it takes a while to work but I just needed to get this off my chest.

If after just a month you have hip fat deposits, I say it's going fast.

Also, the face is usually the first thing you can see a change in. I think the reason you don't see it is that you see yourself every day. Heck, just a week or two ago, I though my face had only changed a little bit from HRT, and I happened to take a look at the few pictures I have from before HRT. And then, shock. I'm really different. My friend who has only known me for a few weeks even says it doesn't look like me at all.

Things are going fine, promise. Besides, if you can go around as a girl after virtually no HRT like that, I say things are going awesome.

As for breasts... mine are taking so long that if my blood test comes out with good blood values, I'll start believing that I'm deficient in estrogen receptors in the area somehow. But I bought a padded bra, and even though if I undress my chest only looks like a male chest with a just slightly strange shape (and only if you look at it long and well), it helps me greatly with projecting a credible female image, although one with unusually small breasts. Maybe you could consider doing the same.

I know most of my frustrations lie in the fact that I constantly see myself in the mirror but some of it lies in that i have been on HRT for nearly nine months and it has been painfully slow for me. The problem now is that I feel that I haven't really changed much since the start of summer really. To be honest my body hair, except for my arms has barely changed and that after nine months my chest just looks really awkward. I feel comfortable with my presentation but my body just still doesn't feel right.

Yeah well it's normal. Your time on a low dose barely counts, I say.

As for body hair... Ugh, I'm with you on that. I'm utterly despaired by mine. My chest always has pretty bad red marks from constantly pluckign whatever comes up that would be visible in my boat-neck, etc. shirts. Not to mention the utterly awful amounts I have on my thighs and butt. Sigh.

Maybe you can have your T level checked. Also, I read that maybe finasteride and dutasteride can help with body hair. I don,t know how true it is, so maybe discuss it with your endo.

But mostly, I can't help much with body hair. For now I try to think of myself as an entity that just cannot be seen undressed.