Hi, all :-)
I'm a noob, just registered today, and was looking for a newbie forum. I came across this post.
I've . . . recently realized that I may be suffering from gender dysphoria. Not-so-deep down, I've always wanted to be a guy. I can remember being five years old and telling someone that I wished I was a boy. I got dragged into the principal's office for that dire offense and beaten for it--this was a private, religious school in the mid-eighties and corporal punishment was allowed--to within an inch of my life. I never said it again, though it was never too far from my mind. Now, I'm thirty-three and realizing that maybe these feelings aren't common . . . that it's not just a phase or a whimsical fantasy. Some reoccurring desire to simply see how the other half lives for a day, then go back to being female.
Right now, I'm still in the researching stage, but I came across a blog entry that many of you here may have seen, by Zinnia Jones on Freethought Blogs. And basically everything she described was how I've felt since I was a kid. I do have other mental health issues (bipolar, PTSD) but none of it explains this feeling, this growing certainty that this body I've been stashed in has the wrong (for me) plumbing.
I've often thought I was asexual, due to the fact that I've never felt sexual in this body. But recently I've realized that this body doesn't have the equipment it needs to do what I need it to do. Not its fault or mine, but it's something I need to begin correcting . . . only I don't know how to start. What to do or where to go. I'm not even sure I'm posting in the right forum--though I do hope I am. Everyone here seems very nice, and I hope I haven't offended or disturbed anyone by posting here or by the nature of my post. And if anyone has some advice they can give me on what Step 2. of my journey should be . . . please, share it.
Anyway . . . that's me, in a nutshell. I'm still searching the internet, trying to figure out where to begin. The first logical step for me will probably be to talk things over with my counselor and se what she has to say. But even just saying it out loud, to another person, even one who won't judge me is . . . difficult. Surprisingly, saying it here isn't (though hitting the "Post" button isn't easy).
I take that as a good sign :-)
Thank you.
