Quote from: anjaq on September 24, 2013, 07:10:43 AMI can imagine that there are some who had such issues with SRS but did not de/retransition either.

I am one. I've actually spoken to Agent before. Hon, I don't know exactly how you're feeling but I'm sure it hurts. And mentally alone it took me a LONG time to heal. A lot longer than 8 months. It also took me 13 months to orgasm after SRS, despite the fact that I don't/didn't like it. Unless your mental response is different than mine or you're just plain tougher it's going to take you quite awhile to heal emotionally enough in this. That said, you've got basically these choices:

1. Talk to a shrink about accepting your body now, and be sure to include healing/grieving as part of this.

2. Talk to a surgeon about corrective surgeries or other ways to fix the numbness.

3. Get phalloplasty (which I know you said you don't want) - and even if you did you might to see about fixing the numbness first anyway.

So for you it's basically choices #1 or #2. And in these, RUN far the hell away from the cranks who threatened to cut off your HRT and such if you wouldn't have surgery. Even speak to a therapist if you have to in a different state or online or something. Maybe you could try speaking to someone who might understand your pain / issue more personally, like McGinn or Bowers? (Sorry if either of them was your surgeon).

Neither was my surgeon, and I'm hesitant to say who was because this isn't a problem of a specific surgeon and their technique - my surgical results are very good. The issue is of me being unprepared for surgery and hitting a wall in trying to adapt to a body that is changed in these ways.

Quote from: Nicolette on September 24, 2013, 08:25:24 AM
I didn't know these were mutually exclusive. Well, my body was never told. I've been on HRT with cyproterone acetate for 19 years. I've never had a problem with functioning down there, and the skin has not yet degenerated (what the hell?!). It sounds like HRT response is very individual. My T level has always been <0.4.

Wow ok, I didnt know. Ok, interesting, so my endocrinologist and therapist were not exactly honest about that I guess  - Not that it would have mattered for me as I did not desire to stay non op ever, but for my friend this may have been an option if they would have treated the symptoms he was experiencing rather than claiming that because its coming from HRT it can only be treated by stopping HRT. That seems to actually have worked as he did that and I dont know if he would not have stopped it if this would have worked out, but at least they should have considered doing something different. So you did not have any treatments other than HRT obviously?

Aw Roxanne - I hope you two can get together and this helps. Caitlin/AgentJ seems to suffer quite a lot about this, I can imagine part of that is feeling to be rather alone with this as I guess most in the forum here cannot really relate. Your choices #1 and #2 seem not to be exclusive though. I think if there is no healing and there are ways to get the nerves fixed, that should be the first choice. And at the same time and after that, I think there will be some way needed to accept the body as it is now - with or without numbness if the problem is not "just" the numbness but a more general one about having had SRS. (The question to ask there would be if AgentJ would also be unhappy now if the SRS had worked out without complications)

Quote from: anjaq on September 24, 2013, 09:43:44 AM
Aw Roxanne - I hope you two can get together and this helps. Caitlin/AgentJ seems to suffer quite a lot about this, I can imagine part of that is feeling to be rather alone with this as I guess most in the forum here cannot really relate. Your choices #1 and #2 seem not to be exclusive though. I think if there is no healing and there are ways to get the nerves fixed, that should be the first choice. And at the same time and after that, I think there will be some way needed to accept the body as it is now - with or without numbness if the problem is not "just" the numbness but a more general one about having had SRS. (The question to ask there would be if AgentJ would also be unhappy now if the SRS had worked out without complications)

Yes I am not going to say I know how caitlin feels, but I do hope she can feel at least somewhat better soon and that she can heal her feelings about having srs. And yes it is and must be hard because there is so much pressure to be either male or female... even nonops catch some flack. I'm not going to say regret over srs without a desire to fully detransition is common, but there have to be others out there and I feel bad for them too. But maybe caitlin and I are the survivors... the others go complete batty or kill themselves. I can see I certainly relate to any emotional numbness though as I felt that for years.

As for #1 and #2 not being mutually exclusive they are absolutely not, you are right. I absolutely think she should see a new shrink but that's her decision to make.

I don't want turn this thread into about me, maybe ill make a thread about my experience.

Maybe it would help just to be on a sensibile HRT regimen to have a stable base to adjust to GRS. Time can heal. If you can like having boobs and soft skin maybe you can also like having a vagina. It could be possible. The mind is capable of amazing things.