I'm having a problem.  Since I've come to terms with being transgendered I've been letting myself express as often as possible.  I love it... but there is a cost, and I'm starting to really worry.

The problem is that I am a software developer on a full-time contract with an extremely conservative Christian-based (and damned proud of it they are, too) company.  It's one of the largest employers in the area, and so conservative the women who work here are not allowed to wear slacks.  They will *not* tolerate me transitioning in place, and at least for now I need the work.  Not a big deal so far, I can dress in male clothes and fake being masculine; after all I have 20 years as an adult doing it.  Here's the kicker:  I have considerable free time, with full license to be online without supervision or fear of censure. 

I find myself now a woman obsessed, constantly checking my appropriately gendered facebook profile for updates, reading this forum, looking up electrolysis treatments, daydreaming about my first gender therapy appointment on Monday, etc... to the point where I really can't seem to focus at all on what I'm allegedly getting paid for.

So far I'm covering well enough (it's a slow time all-around for developers here as we prepare for a big new set of projects), but I really, *really* need this job and can't afford to be fired.  I'm hoping to do a good-enough job they will let me start working from home on my anniversary in February so I can start (except for meetings) on the full-time experience, because really there is no going back and I *need* to transition as soon as safely possible.

I'm hoping maybe hormones (when I get them) might help; I know making progress in therapy and/or electrolysis will help... but I feel like I'm going slightly mad.

Does anyone have any insight, wisdom, or helpful suggestions to share?

Thank you in advance! 

Thank you, Joules... they help a lot.  I appreciate you sharing your knowledge with me and all of the forum. 

I have found I can pad up to a C under my long-sleeve work shirts if I am careful and wear an undershirt (I wear lingerie under my work clothes so I can feel at least a little bit myself, same with peeing sitting down, luckily the men's room here is pristine).

As far as dressing at home goes, I recon either I'll pass and people will think my GF and I have vistors, or I won't and people will think I'm eccentric.  Either way, I *am* transitioning and I own my home, so they're going to have to get used to it one day.  Perhaps after a while of FTE I'll bring pies and introduce myself (evylle grynne).

Robin,

As i tell anyone always have a job plan B before you start the transition in job plan A. I know its not what most like to hear but never have the cart before the horse unless you know how long it take to get the horse back in front.

Reason i say this is i got fired from my job when i went full time. Today (in the USA) if that happend i would be on the phone to Lambda Legal in a heart beat but this back in 2005. I saved up extra money before hand knowing that this could happen and i had a back up plan. My plan would do self employment work until i finished up my name change. Once i changed everthing i could in my name i then went after new employment as the female only.

If you do not have a plan B then you will always be stuck not being able to transition. Put together a plan.

Izzy

Interesting read and very informative. Robin I'm not a developer but I am a data analyst for a unix system so yeah.... Lots of free time, could do the job from anywhere with a decent connection and yet we are required to be there 5 days a week 8 hours a day. And I spend a fair amount of time here just reading on my tiny phone screen in my cube while running reports and audits.

I am still working on planning with South Carolina's archaic system of changing documentation ahead of me. Petitions, fees, wait time, requirements.... It may just be worth it to move to another state for a while just to get it all changed and then settle down somewhere more comfortable.

Quote from: Joules on September 24, 2013, 02:20:55 PM
Hi Robin,

First of all, be careful!!!  You know the old adage "What a tangled web we weave...".  I don't have the same level of risks as you, but I find myself doing "little" things that might out me.  I once answered the door, forgetting I still had pink nail polish in.  Fortunately it was only a UPS delivery, but it could have been a neighbor.  I doubt if the UPS guy even cared, but it still troubled me for being absent-minded.

LOL! I understand completely! I'm not exactly trying to hide it, but I recognise I have to at work for a while...

I had my first lasering on Friday and the giant, red, vertical lines on my neck are just fading now (Tues., and not completely, yet). Not one person has asked about it...

When they ask, you have to figure they don't know anything and are being curious. When they ignore it, they know something is up and are protecting your privacy. . . Thank god for decent coworkers.

I have a LONG way to go, yet... how long can I keep it secret? I have coworkers on FB... and I'm not out, but I'm liking things that might point fairly directly to GLBT. (NOH8 and FCKH8 are two I've liked a lot from).

Start looking for a new job. Working for a cult is a bad idea. Finish your contract, stay on task. They'll fire you for looking up things they can't understand also , they're paying you to do a job. Do that.

Yeah, any place where women can't wear pants is very backwards.  Start making new plans.

Quote from: Isabelle on September 24, 2013, 09:43:55 PM
Start looking for a new job. Working for a cult is a bad idea. Finish your contract, stay on task. They'll fire you for looking up things they can't understand also , they're paying you to do a job. Do that.

Pretty much that. Personal opinion: wearing questionable undergarments at work is probably a really bad idea if you haven't informed them officially about your transition (including the letter from your GID therapist) because they can and will fire you.

Thank you, all, for your concerns and advice...

Quote from: mind is quiet now on September 24, 2013, 03:39:51 PM
As i tell anyone always have a job plan B before you start the transition in job plan A. I know its not what most like to hear but never have the cart before the horse unless you know how long it take to get the horse back in front.

My plan "B" is always in the works, as a contractor I can't be too careful.  I have a side job that could keep my head above water for a month or two while I find another job.  Plan "A" is to do the bulk of my transition working from home with my current company.

Quote from: Isabelle on September 24, 2013, 09:43:55 PM
Start looking for a new job. Working for a cult is a bad idea. Finish your contract, stay on task. They'll fire you for looking up things they can't understand also , they're paying you to do a job. Do that.

Hear, hear!  I'm locked in for the first year, which ends in February.  If they won't let me be full time at-home, I will find another where I can be (or, perhaps, find an LGBT friendly situation, but in Oklahoma that might be difficult).

Quote from: kabit on September 24, 2013, 05:37:40 PM
I have a LONG way to go, yet... how long can I keep it secret? I have coworkers on FB... and I'm not out, but I'm liking things that might point fairly directly to GLBT. (NOH8 and FCKH8 are two I've liked a lot from).

Something that helped for me is that I had a local career in showbiz... I created a distinct profile on FB for that, and when I came out to myself I came out on that page, inviting people to follow me by PM'ing me for the new page.  Of 600 fans, about 60 people have migrated over.  None of the fans know my true identity, where I live, what I do for a day job, etc.

Perhaps you should create a new FB page (using a yahoo or gmail address for your new name) so you can friend only those who know about your transition?  It helps me a *lot* to interact socially as the woman I am with people outside of Susan's (as wonderful as you all are, I don't know any of you in RL.  Yet. 

Quote from: Christine167 on September 24, 2013, 04:34:24 PM
Interesting read and very informative. Robin I'm not a developer but I am a data analyst for a unix system so yeah.... Lots of free time, could do the job from anywhere with a decent connection and yet we are required to be there 5 days a week 8 hours a day. And I spend a fair amount of time here just reading on my tiny phone screen in my cube while running reports and audits.

Sounds pretty identical.  I feel like a well-paid cubicle ornament.


The problem is that I feel *so* much better integrated with my new life that I am having a *very* hard time being a male programmer, and it's starting to show.  No one has asked about it yet, and perhaps I'm just being paranoid, but I really feel like I'm spinning my wheels.  I'm also concerned that hormones may blunt my coding edge, and I may need to find a new line of work.  Plan "C" involves selling my house, moving to cheaper digs, and starting a new career in project management somewhere, hopefully online through the transition because I'm stuck in OK through kids and custody arrangements for the next seven years.  :\

The starting gun has gone off... now that I've admitted my status to myself and have a goal to work toward, I can't imagine *not* transitioning... even delaying seven years is unthinkable.