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Finding The Positives In Not Being Able To Transition

Started by King Malachite, March 15, 2013, 05:21:01 PM

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retransition

LOL so true (by the way seeing my post quoted I realized I made an unintentional faux pas which I have edited in my original post)
retransition.org
"I don't know, I'm making this up as I go!"
Indiana Jones
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Shantel

Malachite,
             This thread was a brilliant idea! It's something we all need to discuss more often because, as I'm sure you are aware, people here just assume that we are going to get all these expensive and intrusive surgeries and cut away everything including our family and friends for the sake of feeling we are now living in the correct body, that impulse sometimes is not as strong in some as it is in others. There are loads of different reasons for either partial transition to putting transition on the back burner or not transitioning at all, none of which alters the fact that we all have GID issues and suffer certain dysphoria. It often seems that those who do transition and do it quickly and seamlessly and have a fortune at their disposal to spend on the process always appear to lord it over those who don't, whether it's intentional or not I don't know, it just may be a perception but it only adds to our own dysphoric feelings, lack of self worth and sense of desperation, anxiety and personal failure. It shouldn't be that way, but I think it just is and so this thread is really quite therapeutic.
       I know that some don't want physical transition right now which may ruin chances of a potentially brilliant career. Many don't want to divorce and live a lonely life just for the sake of saying that they have changed their genitalia that no-one will ever see anyway. Some are simply overwhelmed at the financial aspects and there is always the nagging fears and concerns about being able to live successfully in other than the assigned gender. So for many this is a helpful thread to vent those feelings.
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DriftingCrow

ਮਨਿ ਜੀਤੈ ਜਗੁ ਜੀਤੁ
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Terri

This was a wonderful idea - thanks for sharing.  I really needed something to brighten my day and I found it on this thread.

Xoxo,
Terri
I pretended to be the person I wanted to be until finally I became that person.  Or he became me.  Cary Grant
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Taka

one positive is that i can use the authority that comes with being a woman and mother if the situation calls for it.
having grown up in the norwegian countryside, i've learned that women are to be respected. period. there's no such thing as "the man in the house", the woman holds all the power there. traditionally at least... some of the greatest personalities in the area were also women, some have done much more for the community than any man ever could.

if/when i transition (still not sure which it will be), i can't be a woman any more. i'll lose some privilege that unfortunately way too few women realize they have. i won't miss the misogyny, but i'll also be sad that i can't help fight it from this side of the fence. i really hope i can find a wife who can care for my family's interests if i end up transitioning. i'm hopeless at social networking, and can only hope to be a good breadwinner.
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YBtheOutlaw

my height doesn't make me look like a dwarf.
i get to associate more girls than any cis guy would get to.
i never got bullied at school.
it doesn't hurt when i get hit in the crotch.
i'm considered a very unique and special person because of my strange behaviour.
the girl i had a crush on never realized that i was flirting.
i can do things as slow as i want, and nobody would care if i'm not strong enough to lift something or if i get tired after some little task.
i get to play the more masculine role when among my friends automatically, and if i transitioned i'd have to compete with the rest of cis guys.
people tend to speak nicely to me and help me out a lot.
that's what i can think of now. but sadly none of them helps to reduce the dysphoric feelings.
We all are animals of the same species
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Shantel

Quote from: YBtheOutlaw on September 29, 2013, 01:31:38 PM

that's what i can think of now. but sadly none of them helps to reduce the dysphoric feelings.

Take heart, even some post-op folks retain some dysphoria so transitioning isn't always the ultimate panacea!
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King Malachite

Quote from: Shantel on September 14, 2013, 09:43:28 AM
Malachite,
             This thread was a brilliant idea! It's something we all need to discuss more often because, as I'm sure you are aware, people here just assume that we are going to get all these expensive and intrusive surgeries and cut away everything including our family and friends for the sake of feeling we are now living in the correct body, that impulse sometimes is not as strong in some as it is in others. There are loads of different reasons for either partial transition to putting transition on the back burner or not transitioning at all, none of which alters the fact that we all have GID issues and suffer certain dysphoria. It often seems that those who do transition and do it quickly and seamlessly and have a fortune at their disposal to spend on the process always appear to lord it over those who don't, whether it's intentional or not I don't know, it just may be a perception but it only adds to our own dysphoric feelings, lack of self worth and sense of desperation, anxiety and personal failure. It shouldn't be that way, but I think it just is and so this thread is really quite therapeutic.
       I know that some don't want physical transition right now which may ruin chances of a potentially brilliant career. Many don't want to divorce and live a lonely life just for the sake of saying that they have changed their genitalia that no-one will ever see anyway. Some are simply overwhelmed at the financial aspects and there is always the nagging fears and concerns about being able to live successfully in other than the assigned gender. So for many this is a helpful thread to vent those feelings.

Agreed 100 percent Auntie Shan!  When I made this thread, I did want it to have like a "theraputic" touch to it.  I know as a person who can't transition myself, it gets hard to be in the guys forum and hear about guys who are in their transitions or starting their transitions and at times, it just makes me terribly sad and dysphoric, knowing that I can't live as the real me. I find that the non-op community guys and girls isn't talked about often but I do think it's best if we stuck together me.

@Terri I'm glad this thread has brightened your day! :)
Feel the need to ask me something or just want to check out my blog?  Then click below:

http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,135882.0.html


"Sometimes you have to go through outer hell to get to inner heaven."

"Anomalies can make the best revolutionaries."
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Taka

i get to hug lots of cute girls without anyone finding it unpleasant or suspecting i might like them a little more than what's socially acceptable.

being a native woman isn't always too bad.
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Darkie

Quote from: Taka on October 08, 2013, 04:04:38 PM
i get to hug lots of cute girls without anyone finding it unpleasant or suspecting i might like them a little more than what's socially acceptable.

being a native woman isn't always too bad.

I feel the same way.  I have some girls that would cuddle with me because "that's what girls do".
Courage is the power that turn dreams into reality.
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King Malachite

I have an excuse to be lazy and pissy once a month and I can get away with it....usually.
Feel the need to ask me something or just want to check out my blog?  Then click below:

http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,135882.0.html


"Sometimes you have to go through outer hell to get to inner heaven."

"Anomalies can make the best revolutionaries."
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RoteRosen

Fortunately my body is not hugely masculine. My old history teacher told me a sad story about someone he knew when he worked on an oil rig in the middle east. It didn't end well - she was just too upset about the blatant masculinity of her body. I'm very lucky in that the only seriously masculine parts of my body are my forehead and feet. Everything else is quite neutral.

That means that when my girlfriend does my make-up (she insists on it sometimes xD) then I do look rather convincing without having to go through traumatic operations ^-^
A redneck is more scared of you than you is of it
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j.thompsongirl

Quote from: RoteRosen on October 14, 2013, 08:10:50 AM
Fortunately my body is not hugely masculine. My old history teacher told me a sad story about someone he knew when he worked on an oil rig in the middle east. It didn't end well - she was just too upset about the blatant masculinity of her body. I'm very lucky in that the only seriously masculine parts of my body are my forehead and feet. Everything else is quite neutral.

That means that when my girlfriend does my make-up (she insists on it sometimes xD) then I do look rather convincing without having to go through traumatic operations ^-^

If only we all had your luck haha
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King Malachite

Quote from: Taka on October 08, 2013, 04:04:38 PM
i get to hug lots of cute girls without anyone finding it unpleasant or suspecting i might like them a little more than what's socially acceptable.

Lucky.  That has had the opposite effect on me.  For some reason, I can't hug pretty girls without being labeled a lesbian so I really don't do it, though to be fair, I rarely put myself into positions where that would happen now.  :(

But for another positive, I don't have to worry about how I will pay for testosterone, and because I'm not on T, I don't have to worry about getting a hysterectomy.

I also don't have to worry about unconscious female mannerisms that may have people peg me as a female instead if I were presenting as a guy, especially a stealth guy.

I'll never accidently get my future wife pregnant since I have no sperm, and that's better since I don't want kids.

Feel the need to ask me something or just want to check out my blog?  Then click below:

http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,135882.0.html


"Sometimes you have to go through outer hell to get to inner heaven."

"Anomalies can make the best revolutionaries."
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Shantel

Quote from: Malachite on November 13, 2013, 03:03:57 PM

I'll never accidently get my future wife pregnant since I have no sperm, and that's better since I don't want kids.

That horrifying moment more than a few young men had to hear: "Son, if you got that poor girl pregnant you know you'll have to do the right thing by her don't you?"
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King Malachite

Quote from: Shantel on November 13, 2013, 06:29:41 PM
That horrifying moment more than a few young men had to hear: "Son, if you got that poor girl pregnant you know you'll have to do the right thing by her don't you?"

Lol you mean marry her?  At this point if that did happen, she would be my wife by now!   :D

Another positive, hmmmm.

I'm not expected to know anything about "manly" stuff like cars or football.
Feel the need to ask me something or just want to check out my blog?  Then click below:

http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,135882.0.html


"Sometimes you have to go through outer hell to get to inner heaven."

"Anomalies can make the best revolutionaries."
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jaybutterfly

being honest theres some reasons I dont transition even if I wanted to.

my career path choice (animation) is dominated by me, and usually men get hired in the areas I want to work in over women (sexist I know and I wish it wasnt the case, but it actually works in my favour here)

I have physically higher strength because of the added muscle mass. Yeah its the only biological perk I can actually think of...

Yeah not much, but at least theres some good in it
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immortal gypsy

Quote from: Shantel on November 13, 2013, 06:29:41 PM
That horrifying moment more than a few young men had to hear: "Son, if you got that poor girl pregnant you know you'll have to do the right thing by her don't you?"
For us growing up it was more along the lines "I'll bury you and they won't find your body." Have to love rural Australia.

Back on topic before I started to transition I was in hospitality:
-Guys would get the later shifts because some managers would not think it safe for a girl to close.  These shift where longer.
-More job opportunities, stores and cellars where considered men's work because all the heavy lifting involved. Yet one of the best cellarmen I knew was female and she would move a half empty keg around with ease. While seeing I guy in the kitchen or anywhere in the cleaning catering departments was ok. Some work was seamed not right for the girls
Do not fear those who have nothing left to lose, fear those who are prepared to lose it all

Si vis bellum, parra pacem
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barbie

I am kind of dexterous. I am good at both manly things such as math and car mechanics, and womanly things such as cooking, sewing and makeup. My wife was once surprised how much cleanly I maintain the house when I lived alone for about one month. Usually she cleans the house.

My muscles are not stronger than typical men, but stronger than most women. However, I am healthier than most of my equals and  I maintain a body figure that both men and women envy.

Of course, I can choose either men's or women's room, depending on the circumstance. Both men and women easily touch my body, which sometimes can be a repugnance. I am glad when a beautiful and young woman sits next to me while touching my shoulders, or when beautiful ladies study me.

My sons are interested in my computers, while my daughter is interested in my beauty products.

When teaching students or admonishing my kids, I can become very manly. When interacting with my colleagues or friends, I tend to become more feminine. Also, I become very aggressive when I indulge in my work.

I do not need to take pills everyday. I can wear skirts, heels and makeup without a duty of delivering a baby. Still, I have 3 lovely kids. My kids sometimes complain, but OK to my wearing skirt and makeup. I can wear men's formal dress if necessary.

In the beach, I am sometimes topless, other times wearing bras.

I do not need name cards, but anyway I carry them. All of people remember me very well after they saw me for the first time. Restaurant owners think I am a kind of frequenter, even though I visit there just second time.

Above all, I know the differences in the two worlds of men and women. Everyday life is so much different between men and women, and I can experience it.

barbie~~
Just do it.
  • skype:barbie?call
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Bunter

Quote from: Taka on September 29, 2013, 12:20:16 PM
one positive is that i can use the authority that comes with being a woman and mother if the situation calls for it.
having grown up in the norwegian countryside, i've learned that women are to be respected. period. there's no such thing as "the man in the house", the woman holds all the power there. traditionally at least... some of the greatest personalities in the area were also women, some have done much more for the community than any man ever could.

if/when i transition (still not sure which it will be), i can't be a woman any more. i'll lose some privilege that unfortunately way too few women realize they have. i won't miss the misogyny, but i'll also be sad that i can't help fight it from this side of the fence. i really hope i can find a wife who can care for my family's interests if i end up transitioning. i'm hopeless at social networking, and can only hope to be a good breadwinner.

Thank you so much for posting this, Taka.
I grew up in a similar environment, and for a long time, I'm been told I'm nuts because I felt that transitioning from female to male means loosing a higher position, especially in my family.
I was wondering if I made that up to justify my problems with transition, but no- I didn't make that up :D in some areas, transitioning ftm actually means loosing privilege or social standing. The men in my family are silent and obey :D
I see the ftm transitioning process differently because of that.
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